“I am telling the truth, whether you want to believe me or not. I’ve wanted an excuse to come and live with you for a long time, but how do I give up a job like that one and tell you I was lonely for you and wanted to stay here? Someone breaking in and . . .” Just trying to say it made her choke up.
She could barely look at her grandmother’s fading bruises. Some monsters had broken into Anat’s home—her sanctuary—and beaten her so that she fell and broke her leg and arm and cracked some ribs. They stole her husband’s jewelry and beat her more, trying to make her reveal where her hidden safe was. She told them she had no safe, but they didn’t believe her. Fortunately, hearing screams, neighbors called the sheriff, and the robbers had been run off before they killed her. They had threatened her with a knife and told her they were going to “string her up” if she didn’t tell them.
Zyah detested leaving her grandmother alone for even a few minutes, but Anat’s care cost money, and Zyah was determined that she was going to receive the best care possible. That meant she was getting a job or two jobs while she lived with her grandmother so she could keep an eye on her and oversee her recovery.
She shrugged her shoulders and looked her grandmother straight in the eye, bearing up under that scrutiny, refusing to look away. “I wasn’t happy with what happened to you, but I wanted to come. I gave my notice. I didn’t take a leave or vacation, both of which I could have done. I left because I wanted to come home and stay with you. If you don’t want me to live with you, I can rent my own place, but I’m staying close. I understand if, when you’re better, you prefer me to leave so you can be alone to entertain Dwayne.” She kept a straight face.
Anat feigned shock. “Zyah. That is not funny.” But she looked pleased. “Of course I want you to stay with me.” She paused a moment, her fingers plucking at the beautiful comforter that she had quilted. “Are you going to tell me about the man who upset you? He caused real unhappiness. You let him in.”
Her grandmother hadn’t changed in the time she’d been gone. That was a comfort too. She’d always been a good listener, and she’d never been judgmental. She’d taught Zyah to be the same way.
“I brought it on myself. I can’t even blame him as much as I want to. Your friend Lizz Johnson? Her lovely granddaughter, Francine Winters, the one you asked me as a favor to be the designated driver for, that granddaughter? You know, that one who has despised me my entire life?”
“That bad?”
“Francine Winters is a shark in the water, Mama Anat, circling men all the time. I don’t understand why she manages to get men to fall at her feet, but she does. She lies and cheats and wouldn’t be loyal to a man if his life depended on it. She’s ending marriage three, and she was bragging that she dated several married men while she was married. She wanted to sleep her way to the top of the Torpedo Ink club so she could be the ‘old lady’ to the president. She knew two chapters were going to be at the party, and she had her eyes on the president of the new chapter. I guess right away she zeroed in on some poor man she was going to seduce to start her journey upward.”
“Oh, dear, Zyah. I’m so sorry for putting you in such a position,” Anat said. She eased her body to the side again, running her hand gently over her thigh.
Zyah frowned. “Did you take your pain pills tonight like you were supposed to? The doctor said not to wait. You’re supposed to take them every six hours.”
Anat waved her hand. “We’ll discuss my problems after. You went with Francine, the shark, to the party. What happened?”
Zyah couldn’t help laughing. “There is no derailing the conversation, is there? The party definitely didn’t look like anything I was ready for, so I explained to one of the women that I needed to study for the interviews, and she seemed to understand and told me I could wait in a back room that was supposed to be empty for the night. I wanted to practice belly dancing. I haven’t done it for some time, although I was always very good at it.”
Anat nodded. “You’ve been excellent at belly dancing since you were a little girl. The job at the restaurant in Healdsburg?”
Zyah nodded. “Yes. All the waitresses know how to belly dance—it’s part of the entertainment there. It’s not that far to drive, and I can supplement my income if I get that job as well. I know I have an excellent education . . .”
“I loved that you spent so much time abroad at school and then working,” Anat said proudly. “But if you’re telling me the truth and you are really finished with traveling, I’m very glad to have you home. Please do get to the part where you meet your young man.”
“He’s definitely not my man, Mama Anat,” Zyah said, jumping up and pacing across the bedroom floor to the window to stare out, suddenly feeling like a caged tiger.
She was barefoot as usual. She always felt trapped in shoes. With the soles of her feet pressed to the floor, she felt like she was connected to the earth. She could feel its vibrations. She’d felt connected to Player. She should have known, just by the name he’d given her, but that connection to him had been so strong, and now she wasn’t sure she could ever trust her gift again.
“Zyah. Child.”
Her grandmother’s voice was very soft. Very loving. Zyah didn’t dare turn around, not with tears burning behind her eyes. She wasn’t shedding them, but her grandmother knew her too well, and she would know. This had cut deep, and it was silly when she didn’t even know his real name. He hadn’t told her. He’d given her the truth of him. Player. He played women, and he’d played her for an absolute fool.
“You don’t have to tell me if it hurts too much, but sometimes it feels better to share. I’m always here for you. Always on your side.”
“I don’t know why I liked him so fast. I just gave myself to him, Mama Anat. All in. Everything. I danced for him. Laughed with him. I felt as if I’d known him my entire life. Being with him was magical. I thought he felt the same way. From the moment he walked through the door, he took my breath away. I never got it back. I still can’t breathe when I think about him.” She couldn’t.
She tried not to let her mind go back to that night of pure bliss, of perfection. Everything about Player had been exactly what she’d wanted it to be. Her complete fantasy man. Their connection had been so strong, on such an intimate level, she hadn’t even considered holding back. She’d surrendered everything she was to him.
Zyah’s hand crept to her throat. She could barely admit the truth to herself let alone to her grandmother. She whispered it, stroking the faint marks of possession he’d left on her body. She had them everywhere. She’d thought they’d meant something to him when he put them there. He’d acted like they did, but she knew better now.
“Can you come and sit with me, child?” Anat patted the bed beside her.
Zyah’s heart clenched. “I might cry, and I cried so much after the interviews, I thought my eyes would burn out of my head. At least I had enough discipline to get through both before I broke down. He isn’t worth more tears.” But she knew she would shed more. When she was alone in her bed, craving him. He’d set up some kind of terrible addiction.