That’s why.
Noc turned his head to her abruptly. What?
Her breath caught. Oh, I… Um… Sometimes she still didn’t manage to keep her thoughts to herself.
What did you mean by that? he pressed.
Nothing, just an idle thought I meant to think to myself. I’m sorry! She laughed self-consciously.
He half-laughed. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re still learning.
She bobbed her head, although she didn’t agree. Because of her stance on the mercenary business, all of her family relationships had relied on her ability to keep her thoughts private. And because of her writings as Renato, when she’d spoken to strangers, her family’s lives had depended on it. Becoming a unicorn hadn’t only taken her body from her, but her mind, too. Her privacy. Perhaps even her ability to keep her family safe.
As a human, unicorns had seemed so magical, so wonderful, this symbol of peace, these magnificent beings.
And in parts, becoming one was magical and wonderful. Speaking into others’ minds, charming violence away, stepping into a world most humans hadn’t even dreamed of…
Yet with every new blessing she could think of, every new way this change should be wonderful, she only wanted to cry, more and more. Cry for her hands and her feet that were hooves. Cry for her face and her hair that were muzzle and mane. For her words that were neighs and whinnies. And for her private thoughts that were now the free air.
Once upon a time, the feel of a quill pinched between her fingers had been so natural, so easy, just writing and writing and writing. But now, as she tried to pinch her fingers, her hoof only pressed deeper into the dirt. Even if she did Change back into herself, would she remember how to write again? Would she have to practice? Relearn?
She stepped over a puddle, catching a glimpse of her equine form.
Could she ever go back to her life as it had been?
Stop feeling sorry for yourself, she thought, splashing a hoof into her reflection.
Now, when she was so close to reaching the unicorns, was no time to stumble. The night before the full moon, she would try to retake her human form, and she would learn how to control its Change. That was only a couple days away.
And as for being a pawn, at least now she understood the dark-elves’ motives. Her return to the unicorns would either be the overture to negotiations or part of the bargain. Dhuro had probably been commanded not to share the details with her. And why should he, when she might refuse to play a part in their dealings or complicate matters?
Little did he know that in pursuing the unicorns’ help, they were of the same mind. She would always lend a hand—or hoof, as it were—if it meant peace instead of war. Even to someone who loathed her as much as Dhuro seemed to.
With his gaze trained on the deep woods, he led them around a stacked formation of boulders.
As she picked a path behind it, he lunged to block her way. She stopped short, nearly running into his chest.
He held up a fist, and the other dark-elves kept low to the ground. He met eyes with Kinga, the warrior who had amber beads in her innumerable long braids, then waved her forward along with Gavri.
Bows drawn, the two of them crept toward the woods.
Bella craned her neck past the boulder, but Dhuro shoved her head back behind it.
A light. Her heart beat faster.
The faintest glow of light had shone deep among the trees.
Keeping Arabella behind the boulder, Dhuro drew one of his blades in the dark and listened. Both Kinga and Gavri had whistle-tip broadhead warning arrows, and they were his best warriors. If he needed to get Arabella out of here, he’d hear that sound. Soon.
If these were Lumia forces, his small squad would have no hope of victory. And considering their path abutted Lumia’s vast territory, there was little hope of escape for them all either.
Every kuvara who’d come on this mission had done so knowing it might be her last in service of their queen. And as much as it galled him, he could be forced to retreat with Arabella and deliver her to Gwydion himself. Mati had ordered him to trade himself with an Offering to seal the alliance. He couldn’t do that if he was killed. And he wouldn’t gain entry to the unicorns’ grove without Arabella.
Is it—? Arabella began, but he hissed out a shh. Right now, Kinga and Gavri needed his full attention.
Arabella stiffened, although she didn’t say anything more.
The white light glowing in the woods grew brighter, larger, closer.
His heart pounded, thudding in his chest. Had the enemy killed both Kinga and Gavri before either of them could fire off a warning arrow?
He glanced to Valka, who crouched low with her bow ready, and she gave him a grim nod. Behind her, Marysia did, too.
Darkness, he’d need to send in the rest of his squad just to cover Arabella’s retreat. His and Arabella’s retreat.
I can cast a glamour, but it won’t cover us all, Noc said to him gravely. My speed can take you to safety.
Dhuro kept his eyes on the approaching light, clenching his jaw. Before the light-elves got to within a hundred yards, he’d have to make the decision, no matter how much he hated it.
Worse has come to worst, my friend, he thought back. Everything inside of him screamed to stay and fight, but he had his orders. Damn it all, but Mati had given him orders.
The light, maybe two hundred yards out, didn’t change course. It was now or never. Clenching his jaw until it cracked, he nodded to Marysia, who mirrored the gesture and dug in.
“We’re leaving,” he bit out to Arabella, his voice low, and looked to Noc for permission before mounting up.
Leaving? What about Gavri and Kinga? Arabella raised her head, catching his eye as he sat on Noc’s back.
They are serving their queendom, as am I, Dhuro replied soberly.
By running away? Arabella chomped down on the hem of his coat. I can charm the light-elves. We can all survive this.
“No,” he hissed, his heart racing. She couldn’t control it. Did she think he wanted to leave them behind? He would stay and fight a thousand light-elves and die killing these murderers if he weren’t an essential piece to the alliance Mati had ordered.
There was no time for this.
He drew his blade and cut away the piece of coat she held. “You can come with us and help the queendom that saved you and spared your brother. Or you can stay here, die, and spit in Queen Zara’s face for her mercy.”
Arabella stared into the wood.
Valka thumped her foot on the ground, catching Arabella’s attention. “Go,” she whispered, and the other kuvari joined her, mouthing the word.
Her ears flicking back, her head drooping, she followed as Noc led the way, picking up the pace along the mountainside.
I’m casting the glamour, Noc said to them, and the air tingled ever so slightly around them.
Dhuro held on for dear life as the wind battered his face, as Noc’s hooves tore up the ground, only glancing behind him every so often for Arabella. She charged up next to them, glistening trails falling from her weeping eyes.
If you’d just believe in me—
He shook his head vehemently. And get us all killed?
She forced a harsh breath through her nose.
Darkness, Gavri and Kinga could be dead. His squad was sacrificing their lives to cover this retreat. And she still pressed him on this?
All the belief in the world, he thought to her fiercely, as the woods went by in a blur, wouldn’t change the fact of your inexperience. Accept that. And respect their skills and honor.