He knew the real her. He knew the real her, and he stuck around.
One time she had asked him if her skill at hand-to-hand combat bothered him. She was pretty good at it, as in made-up-moves-her-brothers-helped-her-name good at it. Though she loved combat’s physicality and its ability to enhance her mental strength and focus, it was also a source of insecurity for her. Most guys thought it was cool—right up until she was able to drop them; then they decided it was too manly for her. They threw out carefully phrased insults and suggested other hobbies she should be pursuing. Or they altogether steered clear of her. Their actions weren’t enough to make her love combat any less, though; it just was what it was.
Josiah’s response, however, had been different than most guys: “I won't ever have to worry about you being defenseless. Why wouldn’t I like that? I think it’s great, Kens.”
He could find the good even in her insecurities. His belief in her was definitely greater than her belief in herself sometimes.
And sometimes it made her wonder about this thing they had. . . .
She had really only dated two other guys before him, so she wasn’t completely sure, but had she gotten lucky and found it this time? She was only nineteen, but that was older than the age her mom was when she found her dad. Had she found what they had?
Was this it?
The physical attraction was there. Keeping their hands off one another was hard. The emotions were there too; they were always thinking about each another and wanting to be together.
Sometimes she had to pinch herself. Was this too perfect? How could she possibly find love so young—especially when she wasn’t even ready for it yet?
Her biggest fear was that one of them would qualify for the Culling and the other wouldn’t. The Culling seemed like an eternity away. And sometimes she wished it wouldn’t ever arrive. It was getting too easy to imagine a life with Josiah.
And if by some miracle they both did qualify?
They’d go after the presidency. Together.
***
Two Weeks Before the Culling Preliminary Testing
Her tears fell into the tub around her, quietly plinking in unlike the monstrously loud sniffing she had going on. She felt sick to her stomach, as if everything she thought she knew in the world was flipped. Like this was an alternate reality she was stuck in but couldn’t get out of.
She couldn’t breathe right, not because her lungs couldn’t work, but because her heart was busted.
She wanted to fix it; she wanted the pain to stop. But the emotions kept rolling through her, rendering her incapable of doing anything but letting them leak out.
Disappointment.
Anger.
Shame.
Despair.
She popped the drain and turned the faucet handle to hot, since her tub water had gone cold who knew how long ago. She wanted her family to hear the sound of the running water, so they’d know she hadn’t done anything drastic. Plus, she wanted to stay in the tub a little longer and relish the alone time.
Earlier, her family had kept checking in on her when she’d been huddled away in her bedroom. It was nice of them, but every time they looked at her with that same worried expression, it served as a slap-to-the-face reminder that this was real life. That it had all really happened.
That Josiah was a jackass.
And maybe had been all along.
And that she was so, so not okay right now.
For three days she’d been dwelling in this reality. The reality of knowing what he did—what he said to some of his coworkers.
Pretty sure sleeping with a Reed improves my chances.
And if that one wasn’t bad enough, there was the I knew when I started dating her what that could mean.
Word had gotten to her parents fast, which led to the most awkward discussion of her entire life.
When her mom and dad told her what they’d heard, at first she thought they were lying. Maybe they were just trying to break up her and Josiah for some reason. Because he wouldn’t say those things. Would he?
But after her dad brought in one of Josiah’s bosses—who’d heard it all and come forward—she realized it had to be true. Josiah and a few others on the tech team had been talking about who had the best chances in qualifying for the Culling preliminary testing. The guys were giving Josiah a hard time and telling him he was going to be dumped when she qualified and he didn’t. That he was dispensable. That his time was almost up.
Josiah loved to give other people crap all the time, but he didn’t do so well when the tables were turned. It was something that annoyed her about him, something that’d come up in arguments before. So she knew that would’ve irked him to no end.
So to save face, he basically told the whole world they were sleeping together.
And yeah, they had been, but wasn’t that their business—between the two of them? Because when her parents had to hear about it, then relay that information to her . . . just no. Nope. He would forever go down as a jackass for that one move right there. Talking with her parents about her sex life ranked high in the top five worst discussions of her life.
She’d gone over to Josiah’s house that night a wreck.
“Tell me you didn’t say it! Tell me you didn’t brag to the guys about sleeping with me,” she demanded, arms curled around herself as she sobbed.
To his credit, he did look guilty. “I wasn’t bragging.”
“You weren’t?”
Josiah sighed and reached for her, but she backed away. “We’re twenty-one, Kens. Adults. It’s a normal part of any relationship.”
She squinted. “Well, what’s not normal is that you are dating an heir. An heir who is already scrutinized for everything she does while trying to live up to impossible standards. So while you get to look cool for sleeping with an heir, I get to look like a slut.”
Josiah shook his head. “No one is saying that, Kennedy. And I’m sorry I said that. The guys give me crap about you all the time. I was finally just sick of it.”
“No one is saying it yet, but they will be. Thanks to you.” She wiped at her nose. “So I hope you feel better, and your life is made easier by getting them off your back. Because now everyone will be on mine.”
“Kens, baby, calm down. It wasn’t that bad.”
He again tried to reach for her, but she backed away. “No? How about admitting that you were using me for the presidency from the beginning of our relationship?”
“I—”
“It was all a lie!” Tears were streaming down her face. She couldn’t stop them. “Everything you did was to manipulate me into loving you—into staying with you long enough for us to qualify. That’s what you were really after. It was never ME. It was always the presidency.”
“Kennedy, stop. Don’t overreact. I love you. You know I love you,” Josiah said.
“No. You love you. Because using and deceiving someone like this—for two years—is not love.” She paused. “And for the record, I slept with you because I thought you were my forever. I guess I thought wrong.”
Josiah started to look panicked, itching his head as if trying to think of some dumb scheme to get back into her good graces. “Kens? Come on, baby. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I said those things. I was mad and said it in the heat of the moment. I didn’t mean it.”