"Strange to think of the last time we were here," Cosmo said, still watching our approach to the castle. "Daniel, were you at the choosing?"
"I arrived late, somewhat intentionally," Daniel added sheepishly, shrugging at me. "I was in the line on the stairs when we were finally dismissed."
Thao and Wendell were riding, so it was only the four of us in the slow-moving carriage. I rested, trying to find peace in their aimless conversation, wishing it could drown out the torrent of thoughts in my head.
Camellia had wanted Sam to kill me. She had tried to force herself on Owen. My grandmother was dying, seemingly all of a sudden. My mother had confidence in me, but also in the Council, and probably Camellia, and possibly anyone who asked it of her.
"I don't even know where we'll be sleeping tonight," I said sitting up, blinking at Cosmo's frown. "A princess with Chosen usually receives a new suite."
"We'll be sleeping together, just as you like it," Owen said.
"That exactly, even if we're in a terrible pile on top of one another," Cosmo said, his expression softening.
I was more afraid that my men would be given their own rooms surrounding mine and they might find themselves gradually drifting away with the afforded space. Wouldn't it be more pleasant for them to be able to sleep without a half dozen other men surrounding them?
You don't mind it, why should they? I thought, and I smiled just as the carriage slowed to a stop.
An unfamiliar footman opened the carriage door, but Cresswell appeared behind him a moment later, watching with sharp focus as I was handed down. There were a great number of castle officials I knew vaguely all waiting around our party of travelers, and I wondered if I imagined the way they counted the men around me, their gazes assessing as I moved to Cresswell and took his arm. It wasn't the usual place for a princess and her guard to stand together, but Cresswell was more than that and I wanted it known from the start.
"Welcome home, Your Highness." It was Lady Amelia Goddard, my mother's lady-in-waiting, and she was falling into a deep curtsy, her dark head bowing and the others in front of us quick to follow suit.
Was this still home? It didn't feel like it.
"Your mother is waiting to receive you in the great hall," Amelia said, rising. She was older than my mother and very quiet, more severe than I would've expected my mother to favor in her company, but she followed like a shadow. Unlike some of the women in the castle, I had never once caught her staring longingly at any Chosen, or indeed any man. "And if I might introduce Miss Ophelia Goddard, my niece. You should've taken your own ladies with you to the north, but there was such a great rush. It is your mother's greatest hope that Ophelia will be a dear companion to you, just as I always aim to be to her."
Miss Ophelia Goddard stepped forward. She was about my age or younger, with glossy black hair and a great deal more spirit to her step than her aunt's. She curtsied again, but was unable to tear her eyes away from the men surrounding me.
No. She would not be dear to me.
I'd learned enough of my Hunger in all of our recent troubles to know that the animal jealousy rising up in me was as irrational as it was irrepressible. One day of Ophelia appearing and examining my men, and I would claw the poor girl's eyes out. We might've been friends once, but I didn't have that kind of control at the moment, at least not with my tension so high.
"I find myself in little need of a lady-in-waiting. Perhaps Ophelia might be better suited to my sister's court," I said, forcing a gentle smile. It was only stalling, I would have to take ladies-in-waiting eventually, it was expected. But absolutely not tonight, and absolutely not this girl.
Amelia and Ophelia both paled at the suggestion. "Perhaps, Your Highness," Amelia said, and with one look at her aunt, Ophelia retreated back into the crowd of castle staff.
"I'd hate to keep my mother waiting, and we have been traveling for a long while," I said, too much energy running through my sore body. Hunger gnawed at me, both physical and magical. I hadn't had much time with my Chosen while we traveled, and I'd been too mentally occupied to think of it. Now, irritated by Ophelia's staring at Owen, I was fighting the urge to drag my men to a bed and claim them all over again. It was absurd and inconvenient, and I was still so tired.
"Of course, Your Highness," Amelia said, curtsying again and making me wince with all her bobbing.
As soon as the staff parted to make a path, I marched forward, glancing back in a reflex to make sure all my Chosen were with me. Owen's eyes were on me, and he smiled brightly as I looked at him, soothing some of the bite of jealousy. We passed Ophelia, and her eyes remained down this time, color high in her cheeks. I felt a little bad for dismissing her so suddenly, but it was as much for her sake as mine. I didn't need to waste my time fighting off the Hunger's territorial impulses, and she didn't need me snapping at her unexpectedly for admiring men who I knew were perfectly worth admiring. It was just that I preferred to be the only one to do so.
I knew my own way to the great hall, but Amelia insisted on hurrying to keep up with us.
"I believe the dowager queen arranged your new suites above your old rooms. There was some renovation. She said you liked your view," Amelia said, her voice thin from keeping up with my rushing pace.
My steps stalled briefly at that. I hadn't even known my grandmother had noticed, although I supposed she found me reading in the windowsill of my rooms often enough.
"Is it true you and your Chosen only had two rooms in the Winter Palace?"
"We had an entire palace. But we only really needed the one bedroom for ourselves," I found myself saying.
Amelia's eyes widened, an unusual openness on her face as she stared back at me. "That's unusual. Your mother has always preferred to sleep alone."
And Camellia slept with men littered about the floor and furniture around her.
"Well, your bed is spacious enough, and you may rearrange as you please, of course," Amelia continued.
"Oh good, more rooms for art studios and mage's studies," Thao said at my left, squeezing my hip and drawing a smile out.
"And a closet for all your sweaters," Cosmo tossed back.
"An indoor stable for Owen too, of course," I murmured, just to make the others laugh.
Amelia stared at us all as if we were a puzzle. We reached the doors of the great hall, two guards in all their bright armor stationed outside. Their eyes flickered over Cresswell and his uniform, dusty from traveling, but quickly drifted away again, used to not taking notice of curiosities in the castle that didn't concern them. One knocked, and a female voice echoed from inside.
"Her Royal Highness, Princess Bryony, and her Chosen."
The doors opened, and my breath caught. I had left the Winter Palace more beautiful than I'd found it, but it was in a soft and organic kind of way. There was nothing like the prismatic shine and glitter of the great hall by candlelight, the floors polished until they were almost mirrors, the actual mirrors bouncing light in every direction. It was a small royal secret that all of the glass lining the wall was ever so slightly tilted toward the thrones, just enough so that much of the flickering candlelight turned softly in my mother's direction.
My mother, and Camellia.