I reached for his hand and he wrapped his long fingers around my own. He gripped my hand like he might pull me back together with his touch. Like his hand stood as the tether holding me afloat amid a hurricane.
“Will it always be like this?” I whispered.
“No,” he said. “It won’t.”
Daron finished pulling the canvas tents from the Ether. A dark, ancient forest clawed out behind the campsite, grasping at the sky like it planned to snatch the color from it. Beyond us, a field of mint-green grasses swayed in the breeze.
“You don’t have to come with us on this,” Daron said. “Someone can stay here with you.”
“No, I’m going. You heard what Acheus said. They may be using shields. I’m the only one on the team who can manipulate shields.”
Daron’s eyes tightened. “All right.” He turned towards the group. “I want everyone sticking close together. It’s likely magic could be involved.”
Group members nodded. They wore the leather armor they had worn into battle before. A tremble coursed down me. We walked into the swallowing woods, the trees like skyscrapers clambering out of sight.
Aside from the snapping of twigs as we stepped through the forest and the whisper of leaves flittering together, the forest stretched out before us, cool and quiet. Alec walked alongside me, his expression focused. Like it was when Daron had almost died. Ice slunk down my veins and I crossed my arms.
Daron thrust his arm into the air. The team stopped.
I skimmed over the dark bark of the trees, the ebony soil on the ground, the tufts of grass growing wherever sunlight kissed through the balcony of the forests.
Nothing.
And yet Daron didn’t move.
He turned his head, his eyes tracing over the scene.
A crash landed somewhere ahead of us. A groan.
Daron thrust his hand forward, and we ran, our feet crunching against the scattered leaves.
Four beings with dark hair and bright eyes stood in a clearing and they swiped their hands forward towards Daron.
No.
I raised my own hands.
Protectors drew their swords.
The swords glinted in the sunlight.
They had glinted in the moonlight as well.
During the battle.
Where Daron had almost died.
Where blood had filled my mouth.
My fingers trembled.
No. Focus, Faye.
I spread my fingers out to use my magic, to shield, to do something.
A clash of weapons rang around the clearing.
Air sucked out of the forest. I struggled to take in a breath.
Dozens of swords shrieked and clanged against each other. My body shook. I stumbled back a step. My mouth opened but my throat closed more with each passing second. There was blood on the ground. There was blood. No, it was in my mind. I was fine. I bumped into a tree. I shook so hard my body vibrated against the rough bark.
Alec stepped towards me, his sword in his hand. Blood dripped from his curls. His face smooth as stone. No, that wasn’t right. That was in my mind. His eyes were tender, his mouth parted with a question. But there was blood on him, wasn’t there?
“Faye?” he cooed, honey-smooth.
“Please,” I whimpered. “Please leave me alone.”
Alec took another tentative step towards me. “Are you all right?”
“Please.” I hunched down further. “Please don’t touch me.”
My cloak grew sticky with blood, my hair matted in it. The tangy, iron taste of it filled my mouth. My throat tightened. The blood choked me. I would die. I sucked in a sharp breath. It hurt. I couldn’t breathe.
“May I touch you, Faye?” Telanes asked.
I no longer stood. I sat curled up against the tree, my hands over my head. I nodded. I couldn’t breathe, much less speak. He lifted me into his arms and walked away from the group. I tucked my face down into his shoulder, the leather of his vest cool and smooth.
Noisy, winded gasps left my throat. It didn’t sound like my breathing. It didn’t sound like breathing at all. Telanes trailed us back through the forest and the campsite and into my tent, where he eased me down onto my bed. I curled up, sucking in sharp, gasping breaths. Oh god, I would stop breathing. I would die here in my bed. I had escaped death by sword and torture and the vow I broke and had experienced the pain of the near-deaths of battle and whipping, only to fail the group and die here. I sucked in another too-fast, too-sharp breath. It hurt.
Telanes bent down and wrapped an arm around me. “Breathe, Faye. Don’t try to speak, but listen to what I say. What is something you can see?”
The rumpled white blanket on my bed, the folds in it like the waves in the ocean.
“What is something you can hear?”
My breathing, raspy and labored, my heart racing in my ears, the warm resonance of his voice.
“What is something you can feel?”
His arm resting on me, the weight a comfort.
“What is something you can smell?”
His sweet and earthy scent, the floral saltiness of my hair. I breathed in deeply. I could breathe. I pulled in a long breath, filling my lungs. I could breathe. Thank god.
“Good,” Telanes said. “Just breathe. Take a deep breath.”
For several minutes, he remained quiet. My breathing slowed, the raspiness fading. I blew each breath out with a sigh. I could breathe again.
“Is the group okay?”
“They’re fine. They already had the scouts in hand before we left.”
I drew my knees against me. “What’s wrong with me?”
Telanes’ arm tightened. “Nothing is wrong with you. You’ve experienced trauma. This is a normal reaction.”
I rolled over, facing him. “You aren’t reacting like this.”
“I haven’t experienced what you have,” he whispered. “And, further, it’s been many years since I went through my first battle.”
“Did you struggle afterward?”
“I did.”
He rubbed a circle on my back.
“I’m drowning.”
His eyes shimmered, but his voice remained even. “I’m here. I won’t let you drown.”
I clung to him. Please could his words be true? Please.
7
Daron
A fountain burbled, the bright fragrance of flowers swirled around me on a breeze, lazy clouds drifted across a blue sky. I stretched my arm out along the back of the bench. The gardens from home that presented from the magic of my tent usually comforted me. But not today. I sighed.
The bedroom door opened and Alec ambled out, rubbing his eyes. He still wore the loose pants he slept in, his chest bare, his muscles gleaming in the sunlight. He dropped down beside me and rested his hand on my leg. “Why are you up?”
“I’m sorry if I woke you.” I shifted my weight on the bench. “Just a lot on my mind.”
“Do you want to share?”
“I’m mostly thinking about Faye.”
Alec laced his fingers through mine. “Did you know I thought you were in love with her?”
I turned towards him. “What?”
He laughed and his breath tickled against my cheek. “I know. It seems ridiculous now. But when she first came here with you, you seemed drawn to her. I don’t know.”