“Just come back in five minutes.”
I glanced at the clock over Rutherford’s shoulder. “Not anymore. It’s only two minutes now. Plenty of time to give you more shit before my appointment.”
Rutherford folded her arms and narrowed her eyes. She wasn’t talking.
I winked at her and licked my lips.
She scrunched her face, trying to make herself look even angrier.
I started laughing. She did, too. “I’m sorry, we’re acting like children now.”
“True,” Rutherford said, chuckling. “I don’t like you, Mercy. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t sit here and try to rehearse how I was going to get the best of you the next time you showed up.”
“I’m in your head. I like that.”
“And without even using magic now, it seems.”
“Just my fantastic wit.”
Rutherford rolled her eyes. “You aren’t that funny.”
“Not usually. But you bring out my best.”
“That’s the sort of thing someone says about someone they’re in love with.”
I rolled my eyes. “You wish.”
Rutherford pulled down the neck of her scrub top and exposed her shoulder and neck. “You mean to tell me that this doesn’t excite you?”
“Not in the way you’re thinking,” I said. “And what would Cain think if he knew you were coming on to me like that? He’s in love with you, you know.”
Rutherford sighed. “He has been for a while. It’s not news to me or anyone else.”
“Why not go for it? Not into older men?”
“Not into men at all, Mercy.” Rutherford winked.
“I see what you’re doing. Now you’re trying to screw with me.”
Rutherford smiled. “Maybe. Is it working?”
I smiled. “Not at all. I don’t generally play with my food.”
“And that’s all I am to you? Food?”
“That’s all you ever were to me, human.”
Rutherford smirked. “I think there’s a reason you like to come here and give me shit. I mean, it isn’t like I was the one who manipulated you. You used me, if you recall.”
“I give you shit because you give me shit.”
“Or because you’re longing to connect to someone human. Someone who reminds you, perhaps, of the sort of connection you could have had with someone. Before you were turned.”
“Keep guessing, Rutherford. And leave the head-shrinking to Cain. Maybe I just give you shit because it’s fun to mess with your head.”
Rutherford grinned and glanced at the clock. She pressed a button on her desk. “Dr. Cain, Mercy’s here for her appointment.”
Chapter Three
I was always struck by how dignified Cain looked for the world’s first murderer. He was a black man with a gray beard. Still, he didn’t look a fraction of his age. He was thousands of years old—maybe more than that—but he didn’t look a day older than fifty. Of course, a part of what sustained his life was also the bane of his existence. He was given a mark, supposedly by God, when he killed his brother Abel. It meant anyone who tried to kill him would receive a sevenfold curse worse than the one that Cain himself bore. While the Bible doesn’t tell this part of the story, I’d learned his curse had made him a werewolf. He usually only wolfed out during a full moon, but he’d also turn if in the presence of an infernal relic—like the flambeaux of the Witch of Endor, which Julie now possessed. She had to be careful about whipping it out in front of him.
Cain was also an accomplished psychotherapist. By “accomplished,” I mean he’d managed to deceive enough people with his bullshit that he’d made a career out of it. And since he specialized in treating mentally disturbed supernaturals, there was never a dull moment for Adam and Eve’s oldest and most infamous son.
“So have you considered my proposal?” Cain asked, his hands folded over his desk as I plopped down on his chaise.
“I’ve considered it.”
“And will you lead the new Vampire Council?”
“You see, that’s the thing. I’ve obviously got a lot on my plate right now. I mean, since demons still remain a threat to the world, and I’m pretty much the only one, along with Julie and Hailey, who stand a chance of stopping them.”
“That’s why you’d make the perfect leader for the new council. The other vampires will listen to the one who they’re hoping will save them from the threat.”
I huffed. “You clearly haven’t met many of the old European vampires.”
“I have met a few.”
“They’re arrogant pricks. Every one of them. They’d never accept leadership from an American vampire.”
“One who also happens to be the progeny of Niccolo the Damned?”
“Are you kidding? Half of them hated Nico. Didn’t agree with his vision for the future.”
“Do you agree with his vision for the future?”
“I don’t know. I mean, I know what he was trying to do. But not really. I think if we’re teaching humans to romanticize our kind, we’re setting them up for a pretty grand disappointment. Besides, it’s good that they have something to fear.”
“Why do you say that?” Cain asked.
“Something the Morrigan told me,” I said. “That our existence balances out humanity. Humans have darkness at their core, but try to act as if they’re good. We act as though we’re pure evil, but we all have a little bit of goodness in there. Humanity reminds us that we aren’t as evil as we like to think we are, just as we remind humanity that they aren’t as good as they imagine. All about balance.”
“Well, far be it from me to question a goddess,” Cain said, smiling. “Do you agree with that?”
“What do you mean? You just said she’s a goddess.”
“A lot of people believe in the God of the Bible but don’t agree with everything the Bible teaches.”
I suppose that’s true,” I said. “But what she said sort of resonates with me. I mean, I always resented the whole concept of love. Didn’t think it was possible for vampires to love. Not until…”
I still got choked up every time I thought about him. Ramon… He’d been a pain in my ass for most of my vampiric existence. But he was sweet—to me, at least. Not to the humans he used to dismember. He had his warts, I suppose. And I never thought I actually loved him until he got possessed himself, until he died in the process of trying to fight the demon who took him over. I’d like to say I stopped blaming myself, or that I didn’t have any resentment toward Cain for proposing the idea that ultimately got him killed. He’d suggested I use a totem that contained his werewolf curse to attack the demon, bite him, and weaken the demon accordingly. The idea was that we’d be able to restrain the demon once he was weakened. But we were relying on a spell that temporarily blocked the sunlight, and the spell wore off moments after I bit him. Weakened by the wolf bite, the sun consumed Ramon in a half-second, freeing the demon and likely leaving Ramon as a wraith in vampire hell.
No, I hadn’t forgiven myself entirely. I hadn’t totally forgiven Cain, either. But I tried not to think about it. I’d spent more than a century swallowing any emotions I might feel, rejecting the notion that I was even capable of love. Suppressing my emotions had worked for most of my existence—why would I start opening up about them now? Cain had tried to connect it all to my “daddy” issues, which I think was his way of projecting his own “daddy” issues on me. Not his issues with Adam—his issues with the God who rejected his sacrifice and accepted his brother’s. Just read the story. Sounds like “daddy” issues to me.