Staring at him, I demanded, “Well? Aren’t you going to tell me what you’re doing here?” I tried to fight the heat from creeping into my cheeks at the realization he might’ve watched me change. This god… he’d seen me indecent many, many times, I’d bet. The dastardly rascal.
Not sure if I should call a god a rascal, but I didn’t care.
“I’ve come to check on you, of course,” Ishan said, beaming at me, as if he wasn’t tempting me by simply lounging back on my bed. He’d tempt anyone with eyes, even men, I was sure. He was… well, he was probably the most attractive man I’d ever seen. Being a god and all, that wasn’t surprising.
It did make me wonder what Winter would look like, though.
“Well, you’ve checked,” I said, finding my feet drawing myself towards him even though I knew I should keep my distance. I shouldn’t look at him, definitely shouldn’t think about running my hands up his chest and having his heat flood me… but I was. My mind was thinking of that and more as I stepped closer. “Now you should go.”
“And leave you all by your lonesome?” Ishan asked, cocking his head. He knew he appealed to me, knew he had me caught, somehow. I didn’t know how. Maybe it was the fact I’d had his favor for so long, seeing him, being in the same room as him… it felt right. Inevitable. Like he and I were destined from the start.
But that was impossible, wasn’t it? That was wholly impossible, because I’d only ever seen him once before. You can’t be destined for someone you’d hardly spent time with, could you?
“Come sit with me,” Ishan said, patting the bed beside him, an invitation I knew I should avoid. He was far too tempting, in every possible way. Sitting near him would only bring about mistakes, I knew.
I couldn’t entangle myself with a god while I was set to marry his brother. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t becoming of a woman… but then again, neither was having sex before marriage, and I’d already done that, so what could be the harm in humoring him? It wasn’t as if I had anything to lose.
Though the logical part of me knew I shouldn’t go to him, I did. My feet practically hovered on the floor as I walked to the bed, gingerly sitting beside him. I put enough space between us so I wouldn’t touch him, but Ishan didn’t seem to like that, for within the next moment, his shoulder grazed mine as his arm snaked its way around my back and side.
My body felt hot. So very hot, and he was hardly touching me. It was ridiculous, and yet I found myself leaning in towards him, my body craving more.
“Although you look absolutely ravishing,” Ishan purred out, his eyes dipping down to appreciate the way the dress hugged my body, “surely you must realize this isn’t the place for you. You don’t belong here, Morana. You belong with me.”
Trying to convince me to abandon my word, to go with him and stand at his side rather than his brother’s. I supposed I should be flattered, and in a way, maybe I was, but right now, all I could think was: Ember. I’d taken her place willingly, and I would not go back on my word.
“I can’t leave this place. I can’t.”
With one arm still grazing my back, he leaned over to me, his other hand finding my face, his brown fingertips caressing my cheek. Never had I felt a gesture more intimate, never had something so small taken my breath away before, not like this. It would be easy, so very easy to lose myself in this man and his fire.
“My brother will never appreciate you,” he whispered, his eyelids half-closed. Suddenly, before I knew it, his face was far too close to mine, his breath warm on my skin, the fingers on my cheek dancing back until they weaved through my hair and tugged ever so gently. “Not like I will.”
Everything that happened next happened fast. His lips found mine, my eyes closed. I knew I should push him off, get myself away from him, put space between us and get out of his grasp and away from the heat radiating off him.
Knowing it and actually doing it were two different things though, and I wasn’t as strong as I wanted to be.
I kissed him back. I let his mouth claim mine as my heart beat wildly in my chest. I reached up to his neck, holding him, afraid he would pull away and take the bliss with him. His mouth was so much softer than it looked, the way he kissed hungry and the very opposite of reserved. Ishan was wild and free, and I realized he was always what I’d tried to be myself.
He was a god. He was my god.
I’d never felt so sure about something, never felt so certain about anything in my entire life. But Ishan? I felt it deep within my bones, knew it in my soul and felt it in my core: he was mine. He was mine in every possible way.
If only I’d realized it sooner, if only he’d made himself known to me before, before I volunteered to take Ember’s place.
Because, as much as he was mine, as much as I wanted to be his, I could never take back my decision. I was not that kind of girl, not fickle in my decisions. I’d made this bed for myself, and now I had to lie in it, figuratively.
I could lose myself in his mouth, in the way his hand gripped my hair and held me in place, as if he was trying to wordlessly convince me with all of his power that I should marry him and not his brother. If things were different, I would gladly let him pull me along for whatever ride he wanted, but things weren’t different. I was here to marry Winter, not Summer.
By the time our lips parted, I could scarcely breathe. I gazed into Ishan’s amber eyes, their depths so warm and inviting, and I told him in a bare whisper, “I can’t.”
Ishan looked pained, so very pained, like I’d struck an arrow straight through his heart—if gods even had hearts. I wasn’t sure. The look he gave me right then made me feel horrible, like I was the worst person alive, denying him the one thing he wanted more than anything else in the world.
Me.
He dropped the hand out of my hair, pulled his other arm away from my back, slowly standing off the bed. Summer was supposed to be lively and happy, and yet, here and now, he looked absolutely wounded.
I opened my mouth, about to tell him I was sorry, but before I could, he was gone, out of sight, leaving me alone in this strange bedroom. Out of sight, but definitely not out of my mind. I had the feeling the god of Summer would remain in my mind for far too long.
Glancing around the room, I wondered if he was still here, or if he really was gone. I didn’t feel his warmth anymore, even if my body was still burning, part of me still aching for more, to feel his hands slip my dress off, to have that warm mouth kissing every inch of my body. Thoughts no pure girl would have, but I supposed that hadn’t been me for a while now.
No, Ishan was gone, and as I felt the ghost of his lips on mine, I couldn’t help but wonder how much more he would take. How many more denials I had to say, even though it pained us both.
Would he give up? Would he let Winter have me, or would I start an eternal war by having two brothers fighting over me?
This was my life, not a fairytale, I reminded myself. Ishan would tire of this and find a different girl to give his favor and his affections to while I lived in this castle for the next twenty-five years, pretty much as alone as I could possibly be.
Outside, the grey sky gave way to a dark night. A knock on my door told me someone was here, but by the time I made it to the door, by the time I opened it, expecting to see someone else, no one was there—not a single thing, save for the tray of dinner laying on the floor.