“Whoa!” she says. “That was so cool! It was just like in the seventh book when the oak tree gently guides Jack and his friends up to safety at the treetop!”
“I speak the language of the trees. I just asked for a little assistance,” Jack says with a modest shrug. “Yesterday I tried to tell you it’s not just a book. Do you believe me now?”
Does she have a choice? Yesterday she was almost killed by a cackling thunderbolt. Today she stopped time and escaped from her enemies with the benevolence of a sentient tree. Now she’s sitting on said tree with two of her favorite fictional characters who look very, very real. She can see the sweat beads on Alistair’s forehead and the vines beginning to retract around Jack’s arms.
She looks at them thoughtfully.
They look back at her patiently.
“Yeah, I guess I do,” Filomena tells them.
“Good, because we need your help,” says Jack, relieved.
“We sure do,” adds Alistair.
“Okay,” says Filomena. “But first, tell me how you got here in the first place.”
CHAPTER NINE
THE HUNT
Jack shifts to situate himself on the branches more comfortably. He’s breathing a little heavily; running away from an adversary was the last thing he wanted to do. He was ready to unleash the vines on those … those … what did she call them? Alfredos? Did they all have the same name?
Alistair steps gingerly onto the branches to maneuver closer to Jack. “How much should we tell her?” he whispers loudly.
“Why?” asks Jack.
“What if she faints or falls out of the tree?”
“Ahem,” says Filomena. “Guys? I’m right here. I can hear everything you’re saying.”
Alistair gives her a thumbs-up. “No worries, dear. I read something in the guidebook about mortal hearts and how faint they are, so I’m just being careful.”
“My heart is not faint, thank you very much. Didn’t you see how much running I just did? I don’t even do cardio regularly, and I was fine,” Filomena points out.
“Cardio?” Alistair asks.
“It’s like, um, exercise. Running. Spinning. That sort of thing, to get your heart rate up.”
“Spinning? Like a wheel?” Alistair asks, curious.
“No, like on a bicycle. Do you have those in Never After?”
Based on their confused looks, it appears they don’t. She shrugs.
“So I take it you don’t run regularly, then?” says Alistair.
“Not if I can help it.”
“Why not?” Jack wants to know.
But Alistair is on her side. “Why would anyone run unless they had something to run from?” he says reasonably.
“Well, people here do it to stay in shape,” she explains.
“Like a circle? Or a square?” asks Alistair.
“No, in shape, like … well, like him,” says Filomena, jerking her thumb at Jack, the fittest of the three.
Alistair shakes his head in confusion. “Mortals,” he says under his breath.
“Mortals? Aren’t you mortals?” Filomena says. “I mean, you both look human. Aren’t we the same?”
Alistair looks insulted. “We’re Never Afters. You’re not.”
“He doesn’t mean to offend,” says Jack. “And we’re human, but—”
“But you’re from fairy tales, so you’re not real,” says Filomena, beginning to catch on.
“That word again,” says Jack with a grimace.
“I mean … I guess you’re not like us. In the book it says fairy tales are timeless … which I guess makes you immortal?” she asks.
“Quite,” says Alistair. “We never grow old, but we can perish. There are rules about it, though. Complicated ones. Thankfully, our demise hasn’t been something we’ve come close to experiencing. Yet.”
“We haven’t answered your question,” says Jack thoughtfully. “You asked how we got here in the first place. Well, you know about the Heart Tree portal. That’s how.”
“Right. But also, how’d you get here? To school I mean. How’d you know where I’d be?”
“We’ve been following you,” Jack admits. “I know you told me not to, but, well…”
“And we couldn’t find any cheeseburgers to hunt,” Alistair adds.
Filomena tries not to laugh. Hunting cheeseburgers?
“Anyway, we’re not supposed to be here at all. We just ended up here when we were trying to get away, and this is where the portal took us,” Jack says.
“Get away from what? Or whom?”
“Queen Olga, of course,” says Alistair. “Duh.”
“Right,” says Filomena, who never likes to say the ogre queen’s name out loud for fear of bad luck.
“In the books, does it mention that she’s looking for something to secure her power and keep all the kingdoms of Never After under her spell?” Jack asks.
“Yeah, but we never find out exactly what it is. She thinks it’s the Ring of Infinity or a Seeing Eye or the Magic Mirror, but it’s none of those things,” Filomena tells them.
“No,” says Alistair sadly.
“In the stories, you are always able to grab the object or destroy it before she gets it, anyway,” says Filomena.
“Well, yes,” says Jack, attempting modesty. “So far.”
“So what is it? What is she looking for now?”
“Aladdin’s Lamp. The genie of the lamp has powerful magic that Queen Olga wants for herself.”
“But I thought the lamp has been kept in a secret place since Aladdin’s wedding,” says Filomena.
“It’s supposed to be,” says Jack, exchanging a glance with Alistair. “But that was a long while ago, and in the meantime she’s been searching everywhere in Never After for it for centuries. If she finds it, then we’re … what did you call it? Ogre toast.”
Filomena pales considerably.
“Don’t worry,” says Alistair. “Jack will make sure that doesn’t happen—”
“Because you’re Jack Stalker, and you never shy from adventure!” says Filomena, quoting from the enthusiastic words on the back of the books.
“Righto!” cheers Alistair.
Jack shrugs and looks a little shy. “Well … I guess.” He regards Filomena keenly. “You know, you should come with us to Never After. You seem to know a lot about our stories. You could be helpful.”
“Except my parents won’t let me go more than several hundred feet away from my yard, let alone travel to another world.” Filomena shrugs.
“Really?” says Alistair. “My parents let me go anywhere.”
Jack slaps his head. “You don’t have parents. You’re an orphan!”
“Oh, right,” says Alistair, looking glum.
“Sorry, man,” says Jack, abashed.
“It’s fine. I never even knew them. They died when I was a baby,” explains Alistair.
“I never knew my birth parents, either,” Filomena tells them.