Desire turned Noah’s bright eyes molten. We peeled his boxers off together, I lifted my knees, and he slid inside me as if he was never meant to be anywhere else.
My head tipped back with the shock of pleasure. Oh. I hadn’t known—when I’d gotten myself off with my hands and the occasional magical assistance, it’d never felt this satisfying. He filled me so perfectly, our bodies rocking closer together, every part of me glowing with the exhilaration of it.
Our mouths collided. I bucked up to meet his thrusts. He gripped my hip, plunging even deeper, and tucked his hand between us to fondle my clit in time with his rhythm.
Bliss spiraled through me faster than I could grasp. Yes, yes, yes. I clutched at his hair, his shoulder, already careening over the peak of my release.
The pleasure raced through me in a swell of sparks. No, nothing before had ever thrown me to a peak even close to this high. The ecstatic awe of it shocked a cry from my throat.
Noah thrust faster, and then he was coming too, his breath fracturing. I held him close, absorbing every shudder of his body against mine.
This—this was how it should be. I had to remember this moment, always.
When Noah eased down on the bed beside me, I found my body had gone too slack for me to have any interest in getting up. My thoughts had reduced to a blur. I snuggled closer to him, and he looped his arm around me.
The last impression to register in my alcohol-and-lust-clouded brain was the brush of his lips against my forehead in one final kiss.
Chapter Four
A headache pinched the spot right between my eyebrows, its dull pulsing dragging me out of sleep. I closed my eyes tighter as if that would shut out the hangover, but while I was usually reasonably careful with the vodka, I’d hit it a little too hard enough times to know that strategy would get me nowhere.
The mattress moved under me at the shift of someone else’s weight, and my eyes popped open with a lurch of my heart.
Noah was sitting up next to me in the faint dawn light that trickled through the window. Noah Ashgrave, his leanly sculpted body naked all the way down to where the sheet fell across his lap, in my bed.
Noah Ashgrave, future baron.
Noah Ashgrave, my student both in the Illusion classroom and in our tutoring sessions.
Last night’s events rushed back to me in a jumble. The talk on the sofa, his confession, that first kiss—
Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck.
I gaped at him, an icy pool of nausea collecting in my stomach. Oblivious to my internal crisis, Noah rubbed his forehead with the heel of his hand and gave me a crooked smile. “That stuff goes down smooth, but it sneaks up on you, doesn’t it? I think I’d better chase it with a glass of water or two. Do you want me to bring you some?”
The dull pain of my headache had been swallowed up by the surge of horror. I pushed myself upright, keeping the sheet clutched tight to my chest—because, naturally, I was naked too. The nausea unfurled up through my chest to the base of my throat.
How could I have—? I should have stopped drinking. I should have told him to go.
But I’d wanted him and the way he made me feel, and screw the rest of it. Oh, God. Just like—
My hands gripped the sheet tighter, and Noah paused, studying me with closer attention. “Are you all right? You drifted off, and I was worried I’d wake you up if I left, and I guess I dozed off too. I didn’t mean to startle you.”
I swallowed a raw laugh. As if startling me was the problem.
No, I was not all right. I hadn’t had the highest opinion of myself before this, but at least I’d been able to say I’d never outright taken advantage of someone who deserved better. I’d just proven exactly why he should never have given a shit about someone like me.
“This shouldn’t have happened,” I said. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking—not that that’s an excuse—”
Noah’s eyebrows had drawn together. I fixed my gaze on the wardrobe beyond the end of the bed, but I could still see his handsome face at the edge of my vision.
“What are you talking about?” he said. “You’ve got nothing to apologize for. I wanted this—I thought I made that pretty damn clear last night.”
“That’s not the point. I’m your TA. I’ve been—I’ve been tutoring you. I’m two years older than you, and in a position of responsibility, and I should never have—”
“Hold on.” Noah raised his hands, interrupting me. “For starters, you just had your birthday in June, didn’t you? And I’m turning twenty in November, so you’re not even a whole year and a half older than me. And no one would blink at even two years—hell, four or five—if I were the older one. And TAing is only a tiny step up from one classmate helping another out. It’s not like you’re a professor twice my age.”
I pulled my knees up to my chest, resisting the urge to hug them. “That’s not how the school rules look at it. If any of the professors found out, they wouldn’t give me a free pass.”
“They’re not going to find out. I’m not going to tell them. Who else is going to know—your familiar?” He attempted another smile, but it came out even more lopsided than the first one. “Things like this happen. Hell, you know how by-the-rules my brother is, and even though he’s never admitted it, it’s pretty obvious he and Rory had something going before he stepped down from his TA position. When even the barons don’t have a foot to stand on in criticizing you…”
All that talk was supposed to make me feel better, but it didn’t, not even a little. Those were just excuses, a way to wave aside the fact that I’d let selfish desires override what I knew was right.
I couldn’t undo what had already happened, though. I just had to make sure it didn’t happen again. Once could almost be an accident, even if it made me queasier framing it that way. Twice, there’d be no denying what it meant about me.
“I don’t think I should have broken that rule, regardless of what anyone else did.” I forced myself to look at him again, keeping my gaze carefully trained on his face and not the delectable planes of that body I’d so enjoyed against me last night. “We shouldn’t see each other outside of class anymore. If you actually want more help with your illusion casting, I’m sure Professor Burnbuck would be happy to give you some tutorials personally.”
Noah stared back at me, seeming momentarily stunned. I guessed girls didn’t normally kick him out of bed quite that emphatically. The thought of all the other girls he might have been with before—might be with after this too—jabbed at my gut, but I ignored the unearned jealousy.
“You don’t have to do this,” he said. “I swear I won’t tell anyone what happened last night. If you feel that strongly about it, we can go back to how things were before this while you’re still TAing. I can wait a few months until you graduate.”
He still didn’t get it. I shook my head, my throat tightening. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. It’s not your fault. I obviously can’t trust myself. You can—you can get your water and take a shower or whatever you need to, and then you should go. I’m sorry.”
Noah opened his mouth again, but he must have been able to tell I wasn’t budging. He got up, giving me a vivid view of his gorgeous ass, and started picking his clothes off the floor. “I’ll go,” he said, “but we’re not done talking about this. The last thing I want is you thinking you’ve done something wrong.”