I can’t erase my grin.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“I think you do.”
“You like him?” I mutter.
“It’s not about me.”
“It’s not about me either,” I say defensively, chuckling.
She grins, entertained.
“Come on. You can tell me. Besides, I sensed the sexual tension in the air.”
“The sexual tension?”
She seems amused.
“Don’t even try it, Luna. There was sexual tension between you two.”
I lift my index finger.
“First off, I don’t know what makes you say that, and secondly, yeah... There was something, but it’s not what you think. I forgot the condoms on the patio table. He saw them while he was washing his hands, so it was awkward.”
“Did he say something?”
“No. But he saw them. I’m sure he did.”
She ponders for a moment, realizing that I switched gears and pulled away from the point she was trying to make.
“That’s not what I was talking about. The way he looked at you...”
My heart beats a little faster.
“How did he look at me?” I say, sensing a sweet tension in my chest.
“He...”
Her answer lags, rendering me even more eager to hear her opinion. I want to hear from her what I already know.
I know how he looked at me. I felt it.
He spurred a physical reaction in my body every time our eyes met. And I felt overpowered at times for no reason, really.
He didn’t say anything to intimidate me.
We talked about food, Harvard–– that’s where he studies–– San Francisco and sports.
Nothing in his voice or words hinted at anything outside that realm, and yet, I felt as if his eyes and lips were talking to me.
Even his hands were talking to me as he occasionally asked for something and our fingers touched.
Those were some of the most exquisite moments I’ve ever had. Fleeting and small, they were wrapped in magic.
“He seemed aware of you at all times,” she says.
I shake my head, intrigued.
“Meaning?”
I know what she means. That’s how it registered with me too.
“He was watching you. Not glaringly, but his eyes were on you even when he talked to me, if you know what I mean. He did the same thing in the car, but you were all surly and stuff. I hope he changed your mind about him.”
“Why is it so important to you?”
She smiles naughtily.
“I don’t want you to miss out.”
“Miss out on what?” I grin, flushed with heat.
“You know what. What better man to do it with than him?”
It feels as if the sun just split into two globes and now sits on my cheeks.
“I disagree. There are too many things going on for him. I’d regret him afterward.”
She laughs.
“Are you thinking about breaking up with him already? You haven’t even kissed the guy.”
“First of all, I will not kiss the guy. He has to do it. And then, of course, I’m thinking about a breakup. Most relationships end that way anyway.”
“Now, we have a relationship?” she mocks.
A peal of laughter vibrates in the air.
“This is so stupid,” I say, shedding my light robe and stretching my swimsuit-clad body. “We’re just talking silly stuff.”
I sigh loudly, gesturing annoyed.
“Yes, we had a moment. I don’t know why. Or how that came about, but there was a spark. I found him intriguing, maybe because his behavior threw me off. When was the last time you met a guy like him? He’s too good to be true, and you know it. Even if I like him, and it makes me think about him, he is not the best man for me. These men break your heart every time they breathe. They don’t even think about it because it comes naturally to them. The universe gives them so much ammunition to do that; no wonder women fall for them. But when they’re done with you, they move on, and you can’t hold it against them. It’s the price you pay for being with them. It’s just that I don’t want to pay that price or get broken by someone like him.”
I lift my hand as she opens her mouth to argue.
“And no. I don’t want to have a bad experience to have something to tell my grandchildren when I’ll be old.”
Her smile fades.
“What?” I throw at her.
“It makes sense,” she concedes, still very much puzzled. “But what do you want to do? You rarely like someone, and even when you do, you talk yourself out of them.”
“It’s true...” I confess, sighing. “But I want to mean something to them,” I murmur, shifting my eyes to the distant shore. “You know those stories when a man comes along and sweeps a woman off her feet, and no matter what happens to them, how long they live and how many people come between them, he can’t forget her, and she can’t forget him. That’s what I want.”
I swing my eyes to her.
“That’s not real life, and you know it,” she says in a mellow voice. “Maybe in books,” she adds.
We both find it amusing.
“Yeah... Maybe in books. Well, I want to be that woman for a man. I want to take over his heart and soul... To infect him with me, the memory of me, my touch, lips, and thoughts...” I mutter, grinning as I go. “I want him to never develop immunity to me.”
Her lips draw into a grin.
“You’re rapacious.”
“I want what’s mine.”
“No one can have that. There’s so much hooking up, there’s no such a thing as being infected with only one person. There are so many people in our heads, it’s impossible.”
“Perhaps.”
My smile dies out.
“You’re scared,” she says in response to my silence.
I look at her.
She continues.
“You’re anxious. You’ve waited for too long, never got the chance to experience it, your soul grew even stronger, and now you’re afraid. You want safety.”
“Afraid of what?”
“Afraid of change, falling, breaking, feeling pain.”
“I’m not afraid of pain.”
“Then show it to me.”
“There’s nothing to show. We’re talking about a man we met yesterday. It’s not as if he wants to see me again.”
“Would you go out with him?”
“Now? No. I don’t know... Maybe... All right. I don’t want to think about it.”
She studies me in silence.
“Yes, I want safety. Yes, I know I can’t have it. And yes, I’ll take a risk at some point, but you know me. I’ll be fighting tooth and nail for safety. I don’t want to end up with a disaster of a man just because I fell for him. I saw what it did to you.”
“Me?”
Her fingers point demonstratively to her chest.
“What did it do to me? I only had a good time with men.”
“Did you?”
“Yes,” she blurts. “And you know what? I know how they are. I have no problem with it. I’ll hold my nose and have a few more, and when it’s time to settle down, I’ll pick someone nice.”