I knew it would be a bad idea to throw myself at a guy like that in general, and it could also get us a citation from one of the patrols that had recently taken to prowling the park like lions on the savannah, pouncing on the unruly or unwary.
“Where Liff go?”
“Huh?”
I looked around, realizing Leif had disappeared. His bike was still on the grass. Only when I saw him waving from a nearby tree did I realize what was going on. My heartbeat slowed to a more regular rate.
“You’d better go find him.”
“Liff!” Polly called, toddling off in pursuit.
She was nearly around the tree before he scooted back to the front. They repeated the process, Leif always seconds ahead, before popping out and making himself known. Much to Polly’s delight; her gleeful giggling followed each reveal.
“Find Liff!” Polly declared, toddling back to me at full speed.
“Good job, baby.”
“Where are you headed?” Leif asked.
“From the park or in life?”
“Both, if you like.”
I was silent for a second, not really expecting that to be his answer, despite my flippant question. He actually seemed to be interested, which was a refreshing change.
“We were headed home. Just needed some fresh air, you know?”
“Yeah, actually. It was pretty much the same for me. I’m working from home these days, but I just needed to get out before I started climbing the walls. I love my job but there’s only so much one can take. I am but flesh and blood.”
“Can we see you again?” I asked, a bit of desperation seeping out.
“Yeah, of course. Will you be here tomorrow?” he asked.
“Yes, and at home tonight.”
“In your robe?”
He had lowered his tone so only I could hear.
“If you like.”
“I would, my pet.”
“Yes, sir,” I whispered, feeling a familiar thrill.
He grinned at me, something in his smile promising new and exciting pleasures later. I hurried home in a daze, only to realize that Polly and I weren’t alone after I had unburdened myself of the stroller and my shoes.
Meegan.
The reckoning was fast and intense. She wielded the empty wine bottle in her hand like a weapon. The fury of a raging fire glowed in her eyes. She was actually growling a little.
“Mommy!” Polly cried, hiding behind me.
“Who is he?”
“Who is who?” I blinked innocently.
“Don’t give me that crap! You downed the entire bottle! You only do that when there's a guy. Do you have a secret boyfriend?”
“Not exactly,” I said, not sure precisely what was going on with Leif. Other than that I might be starting to love him, of course.
“Give me some details,” Meegan said, calming down.
“I met a guy in the park the other day. I was walking with Polly and he passed by on his bike and we kind of just hit it off.”
I felt like her eyes were melting me into the ground. I never wished I had the money to move out more than right then. Alas, I was an unemployed single mom and that just wasn’t realistic.
“His bike,” Meegan said flatly, arching her eyebrow.
“Yeah. A really nice one, actually. We went on a picnic yesterday. He had two blankets and two baskets set six feet apart. It was really neat.”
“If only he wasn’t a bum,” Meegan snarled.
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, come on. He rides a bike, in New York?”
“Yeah.”
“Is he carrying packages while he does it?”
“Not that I saw.”
“Then he’s a bum who can’t afford a car.”
There was no point in trying to argue with her. She would always dig in deep and wouldn’t let it go until I relented.
“I guess.”
“Guess nothing. Don’t let things get too serious with this loser. You’ve already been hurt by one asshole who disappeared as soon as Polly was born.”
Ouch. She never missed an opportunity to remind me.
“I know. We’re not really in a relationship. We just talk, is all. The picnic was a fun date but there is nothing more to it.”
It wasn’t really a lie. While it was mostly due to the lockdown, we hadn’t even touched each other yet.
But still - how intense and fulfilling that video-call had been, giving me more pleasure than any previous guy had ever managed to. Even though it only really came down to a very sexy conversation. I had intentionally left this part out, along with what had happened at the underground record store, with him introducing me to his friend and protecting us from the risk-takers.
“Good, it’s best if you keep your distance, and not just because of the lockdown either. You do have a daughter to think about.” She sniffed for emphasis and slammed back into her bedroom.
I hated when she did that. Using my own kid against me as though I wasn’t acutely aware that I was a mother.
It didn’t even matter anyway. Not with Leif. By all indications, he cared about Polly, and the feeling certainly seemed to be mutual.
I tried to forget about him, though. I didn’t want to, but I also didn’t want Meegan to make fun of me or lecture me anymore. The combination of her status as both a big sister and a nurse made her absolutely insufferable when she thought she was right.
I put Polly to bed, not letting the tears flow until I got to my room. Sadly slumping inside my own space, I stripped down, getting into my robe, which always made me feel better.
I saw the record Leif had bought me at the store. I put it on the desk until I could dig up my old player, wherever it might have ended up. My grandma had given it to me for my birthday years ago, some time before I could really appreciate how cool they could be.
Wonder of wonders, I actually found the thing, tucked in the back of the top shelf of my closet. After figuring out how to get it working, I put the record on, instinctively turning the volume down so I wouldn’t bother Meegan, who had always seemed to have an allergic aversion to anything cool or fun.
The music filled my head, sounding like echoed voices from the distant past, reverberating through great dark halls. I could understand, in both my mind and my bones, why Leif had chosen it for me. It was like escaping to a different realm.
I almost didn’t hear the alert. Pulling the record player’s plug from the socket, I rushed to the desk, tapping ACCEPT before my ass could hit the chair.
“Hey, pet.”
“Hi,” I said, my voice suddenly a whisper.
He did something to me where all my strength would flee, and it was like I was putty in his hands.
“Polly in bed?”
“Yeah, I put her down a while ago. I was listening to the record. The vinyl. I found my player.”
“What did you think?”
I wished so much I could have thought of something intelligent to say. How do you express such a life-changing moment?
It was like effing the ineffable. Adding insult to injury, had I been less set adrift among the metaphysical, he might not have heard what came next.
“Are you talking to that loser again? I thought you said you were done with him,” my sister’s voice hollered, loud and clear.
Leif looked like he had been punched in the stomach, though he was trying to hide it as the knife twisted.