With that, he strides off into the crowd—still no sign of Damon—and consigns me to more of my private discussion with Percy.
“How do you know him?” Percy asks, a vague note of suspicion in his voice that sets my teeth on edge. In addition to its being none of his business at this point in our relationship, I have no intention of opening a discussion about what may or may not be going on between me and any member of the Black family. “I wasn’t aware that you had any connection to the Black family.”
“You know them?” I asked, startled.
“Who doesn’t? They own half of the city with their real estate empire.”
A bell belatedly rings in my brain.
“Hang on. That Black family?”
“Of course. Who else?”
I file this fascinating tidbit of information away for later and focus on the issue at hand.
“Percy. I’m sorry, but I have to be honest. I didn’t expect to see you here tonight. And as far as I’m concerned, we’ve already discussed everything we needed to discuss.”
“We’ve been together for years, darling. You don’t just scuttle that. We can work things through. No reason why we can’t when we haven’t told your grandmother or my parents yet.”
My grandmother is a touchy issue. I haven’t yet told her about the broken engagement. I couldn’t face her disappointment on top of everything else when I went home three weeks ago, I suppose. But I can’t put it off forever, especially if Percy thinks the fact that I haven’t told her yet is a sign that I want to reconcile. Not to mention the fact that if the press gets a whiff that there was an engagement, much less a broken engagement, this whole thing will blow up in my face.
“My grandmother is my problem. I’ll tell her soon. But why make me say things to hurt you?” I lower my voice. “I don’t love you the way a wife should love her husband. You should be glad to see the back of me.”
He tries not to wince but clearly absorbs this the way he would a backhand across the face. Making me feel all the worse.
“I’m not glad. I’ll never be glad.”
“I can’t tell you what to do, Percy.” I try to hide my rising impatience and stick to my kind and gentle script as best I can, but I can’t stop myself from scanning the crowd for any sign of Damon. Can’t help wishing I could swap him out for the man standing in front of me. “But our romantic relationship is over. That’s not going to change. We need to work on being friends now.”
“I’m not giving up on you,” he says.
I can see that.
Feeling suddenly drained and morose, I look away and sip my champagne, wishing I had the power to make Percy move on with his life. And to either permanently eject Damon Black from my thoughts or to make him materialize out of the crowd.
5
Damon
“Don’t lose your shit,” Ryker says as he emerges from the babbling throng and corners me near the bar, where I have been nursing my second dirty martini and doing my best to avoid all human contact.
I’m entering week four of the nightmare that I’ve begun to think of as Carly-gate. My exhaustion-fueled mood has worsened every day that I scan the endless New York crowds for that single glorious face that I never find. I’m tired of these episodes of low-key cardiac arrest every time I spy the wrong redhead. I’m furious at myself for the ongoing prideful paralysis that prevents me from trying to track her down and see her again when I know I’ll never rest until I do.
In short? I’m pissed at her for putting me through this, myself for my inability to get over it, my brother for dragging me to this excruciating event and refusing to allow me to sulk without interruption and the world in general.
I scowl at him accordingly. “The fuck are you talking about? I never lose my shit.”
“Your shit’s been lost since you met a certain British female. Don’t deny it.”
My scowl deepens. I confessed the pertinent details about Carly’s disappearance during a moment of weakness that I now, obviously, regret.
“Speaking of lost shit, where’s your lovely new squeeze Ella? Why isn’t she here?”
Ryker met said Ella at Bemelmans the same night I met Carly. Let’s just say that, from all appearances, Cupid nailed him between the eyes with a particularly big and sharp arrow. This smitten fool can’t stop talking about her. He’s damn near as out of sorts as I am these days.
“She’s, ah, not into cocktail parties,” he says, his ears turning a satisfying shade of red.
“Too bad.” My brothers and I never miss an opportunity to give each other grief. Generally good-natured, but we show no mercy. “Seems like she’d come if she were more into you.”
“She’s plenty into me. Trust me.”
“If you say so.”
“And don’t try to change the subject. I’ve got information that’s about to change your life.”
Sure he does. And my ass shits gold dust and diamonds.
“The clock’s ticking on any interest I may have in this conversation,” I say, checking my watch.
He smirks at me, never a good sign.
“She’s here,” he says with a subtle tip of his head toward the far end of the room.
The she needs no explanation.
My heart stops. Soaring hope will do that to you when you hardly ever feel it. I forget about my nosy audience of one and nearly give myself whiplash glancing around. And suddenly there it is after weeks of fruitlessly searching for it. Hoping for it. Praying for it.
The fiery auburn hair, pulled back in a sleek ponytail this time. The ivory skin and willowy figure poured into a tight and sexy black suit that bares a healthy amount of cleavage. The patrician profile I feel like I’ve willed into existence again.
Carly.
I marvel at her beauty and her insistence on presenting this hot librarian look to the world when I’ve experienced the unleashed tiger that lives inside. I note the tension in her shoulders and tightness in her expression. I hate her for standing there with her drink as though she’s a normal person at a normal cocktail reception when she’s had my thoughts and my balls in her tight-fisted grasp this whole time.
But I don’t hate her nearly as much as I want her.
I freeze while two opposing factions inside me immediately weapon up and go to battle with each other. The proud and angry part insists that I walk over there, grab her by the arm and demand to know what the hell she thought she was doing by walking out on me when we both know—or should know—that we’re not fucking done with each other. And the humbled and relieved part of me wants me to drop to my knees and thank the God that I don’t even believe in for bringing her back across my path. For giving me the opportunity to apologize if I’ve somehow offended her. For blessing me with another chance to bask in her light and see what she might say or do next.
With any other woman, the angry side would win. No question. She doesn’t want me? No problem. Her loss. The sea is big and full of fish.
But Carly’s invaded my head. She’s like an octopus that has wrapped her tentacles around my brain, and her tentacles have tentacles. She’s been my every waking and sleeping thought for the last three weeks. And I haven’t slept. I haven’t fucking slept.