When my steak’s done cooking, I toss it onto a plate and move to my favorite recliner. I turn on the TV and zone out—eating, drinking, and pretending I’m actually happy with my life. When my stomach is full and I can drink no more, I recline my seat and drift off.
I wake to the sound of my front door slamming. My eyes open to a room filled with blinding light. My hand immediately flies to my face, covering my eyes as a groan escapes my mouth. “God, what the fuck?” I mumble, desperately trying to uncover my eyes and adjust to the light so I can see who just walked into my house. Whoever it is better hope they can run fucking fast, because when I can see, I’m chasing them with my shotgun.
“What’s the matter? Have a little too much to drink last night?” Harrison asks, and I can hear the humor in his tone.
“Fuck you and close those damn blinds,” I say, sitting up and straining my eyes against the light to see him standing by the front door.
“It’s going on 10 a.m. Do you remember what you were supposed to do this morning?” he asks, face reddening.
“What? No.” I push myself forward, grabbing the cord on the blinds and yanking it so the shades fall down. Finally, I can see, but it’s like when you’re in a dark room and a camera flash goes off. That blinding light is still in my vision every time I blink.
“You were supposed to make an appearance at the local food drive. How in the hell can you expect this town to like you when you make no effort to be a part of it?” He holds his hands out at his sides, eyes narrowing on me. “Remember that big cardboard check you were going to hand over to the shelter?”
I wave my hand through the air. “Any asshole can do that. Send Dave from accounting.” Why am I the only one who can hand over a check?
“That’s who’s doing it, you little shit. But that’s not the point. The point is, you need this town to be okay with you so you can expand your damn brewery. This town will never accept you as one of their own if you don’t at least try to be a part of it.” His face is now red. He picks up a newspaper from the coffee table and throws it at me.
I catch it. “Okay. Damn. I’m sorry.” I toss the paper back onto the table.
He points his finger at me as he takes a step closer. “If this business fails, it’s on you. I’ve done and am doing everything I can do. But I can only do so much. This one is on you.” Without another word, he turns and walks out, slamming the door behind him.
I fall back into my chair and take a deep breath. My head lolls to the side, where I find a half-empty bottle of whiskey sitting on the end table. I reach out and pick up the bottle, but then guilt begins eating at me and I put it back down.
“Fuck,” I whisper, massaging my temples. How the fuck did I get here?
I know exactly how I got here, but I refuse to think about her. I already gave in and looked at her picture. That’s something I only do in moments of weakness. I try my hardest to forget about her, but sometimes she comes sneaking back in. In those moments, a pain seizes my heart, and a pit opens in my stomach. It’s enough to stop me dead in my tracks.
I shake my head and stand, moving toward the shower. I need to occupy my time—to get my mind off everything. I step beneath the hot stream of water and rest my head against the wall as my eyes drift closed. Her picture forms beneath my lids. It takes on a life of its own. The memory of that day plays out and I’m powerless to stop it.
We were getting ready to go to Colton’s, to have dinner with him and Haven. She went out to the garden to cut some roses—planning to give a bouquet to Haven as a thank you for dinner. When I went outside and saw her, I couldn’t keep my eyes or hands to myself. I snapped that picture and she caught me at the last minute. When the wind blew that dress back, giving me the perfect view of her form, I knew I wouldn’t be able to wait until after dinner. I walked up to her nice and slow, just taking her in. I pulled her against me and pressed my mouth to hers. I can still feel her soft lips moving with my own. I can still taste her. I can still feel her heat from the moment I pushed that dress up and slid into her against the back door.
My body comes alive just thinking about that moment. My palm moves up, taking myself in hand. I begin pumping up and down. My heart rate spikes when I remember her soft moans. My breathing picks up as I recall her soft skin against mine. My release rises to the surface and I let out a deep growl as I spill myself onto the shower floor. But the moment my body comes down from its high, anger washes over me and I reach out and lightly punch the shower wall. A tile cracks under the pressure. I hate myself for being weak. I hate myself for not being enough. But most of all, I hate myself for chasing her off instead of just being what she needed.
It’s going on noon when I’m walking into the brewery. I head back to my office, passing Harrison on my way. He follows me back to my office, closing the door behind us.
“Well, look who decided to grace us with his presence today.” He smiles, causing the wrinkles around his eyes to grow deeper and larger.
“Look, I know you’re pissed off. If I were you, I would be too. But you’re forgetting one thing.”
“What’s that?” he asks, walking closer.
I place both hands on top of my desk and lean over it. “I’m the boss. I’m the one in charge. I’m the one who decides if this place stays open or closes. While you may have been employed here longer than me, I was the one born into this. It’s rightfully mine. And I demand a little respect. If I want to spend my nights loaded with more whiskey than any one person should be able to handle, then that’s my business. You are not my father. You are not my keeper. You’re the advisor here because I say you’re the advisor. When I need advising on something, I’ll let you know. Other than that, please keep your damn mouth shut. Got it?”
He slides his hands into his pockets, cocks his jaw, and nods his head. “Will there be anything else, sir?”
“Yes, I’d like the expansion blueprints, please.”
“Right away, sir.” He turns and leaves without a look back.
My heart is pounding in my chest as anger floods my body. I take a seat behind my desk and breathe deeply, trying to clear out the aggression I seem to almost always have. I hate that I had to be that way with Harrison, but sometimes a man needs to be put in his place, especially when he’s overstepping his boundaries. It’s none of his business how I spend my nights. If I don’t want to show for an event, that’s my choice. I don’t need to be chastised for it like I’m a child. I say how I live my life. I say how I run this business. I say who’s employed here. Me.
Harrison is walking back in with the tube of blueprints. He hands it over, anger marring his face, but doesn’t say a word.
I take the tube. “Thank you, Harrison. That will be all.”
He nods once, then turns and leaves.
When I’m alone in my office, I open the tube and pull out the plans. I unroll them and lay them flat on my desk, holding down the corners with anything heavy enough to keep them in place. I stand over the papers and think of everything that needs to happen in the next week. I find myself counting down the minutes until I meet with this new hotshot lawyer, praying he’ll be able to deliver on all the promises made. I find it completely irresponsible that Burns would decide to retire right when I need him most. All these years, he did nothing but sign a document or two while collecting the money we paid him. And now that we actually need him for something, he’s passing the torch to someone else? I would’ve fired Burns long ago if it hadn’t been for my father, plus the fact that he’s the only good lawyer in town.