And instead of feeling excited and adventurous, I felt uncomfortable and anxious.
I missed the silence and serenity of my home up state. The woods surrounding the house were soothing, the air was crisp and clean; unlike the badly filtered smog that tried to pass itself off as oxygen around here.
Painting on the back deck of my grandmother's house was a world away from being cramped in my four-hundred square foot studio apartment.
But moving was what I needed. I needed the change, the culture shock, a place to really showcase what I loved to do.
I could do that here, getting away was the only option.
Tonight is for stepping outside my comfort zone. Run with it, Willow.
“So, Lo,” Beth said, dancing her fingers across her knees. “Tonight's our last night of full fledged girl time. We need to make it count.”
Make it count? What is she getting at?
“Isn't that what we're doing?” Squinting my eyes, my brows shot up with concern.
Beth was a whirlwind of ideas and plans, some good, some bad. But none of them were ever one-hundred percent safe.
Life with no boundaries... Must be nice.
“Not yet. We're on our way to the club, but that isn't where our night is going to end. We're going to get drunk, get laid, and you...” Holding her finger out, she tapped my chest. “You are going to remember this night forever.”
“Beth, there's never a dull moment with you. Trust me, I remember them all.”
“Look, you've been here for a month already. And every damn day you're locked away in that apartment. I'm leaving in two days for Paris, and next week is your big meeting with Mr. Investor.” Flashing finger quotation marks, Beth rocked her head playfully. “We're making tonight a celebration for us.”
I didn't want to think about being alone here in this large city. Beth had received a huge contract through Flash Modeling, and was going to be traveling around Europe for six months.
That not only made me sad, but the butterflies I had kept locked away, suddenly wanted to throw themselves out of my mouth like a swarm of locusts.
Swallowing hard, my lips pursed. “This sucks, Beth. I'm going to be lost without you.”
“Shit, Lo, it's not like I'm leaving forever. You'll be fine, trust me. Your gallery is going to take off, and when I get back you'll probably be a millionaire.”
Pulling a smile from thin air, I nodded. “Yeah, I'm trying to be optimistic. But a millionaire... I don't think so.” Shaking my head, the ponytail bounced across my shoulders.
Squeezing my hand, she let out a light squeal. “Here we are.”
Looking out the window, a large sign was buzzing in hot pink. The word 'SKIN' was lit up so brightly, I had to squint just to see the letters.
The line to get in crawled across the sidewalk, disappearing around the corner. And my heart fell into my gut, tiny tornadoes came roaring to life, tearing my stomach apart.
Ugh, that's so many people.
“Holy shit, I don't want to stand in that.” A shiver scaled my spine, strangling my lungs.
Veering her stare, Beth eyed me under crinkled brows. “Lo, we're not standing in that.” Pushing my shoulder, she shoved me out the door onto the street. “We are VIP tonight, Baby. No line for us.” Flipping her hair over her shoulder, she adjusted her dress, and let her long legs lead the way.
I felt so out of place. A small town girl, under-dressed, and absolutely not ready for this type of setting.
The clubs back home (on a good night) only had at most fifty to sixty people. This was insane. There had to be well over two hundred people outside, not to mention however many were already crammed inside the damn place.
Staying close to Beth, I followed her to the red velvet rope cording off the massive hoard of clubbers waiting anxiously to get in. A few hard stares fell on us as we walked by, the whispered grumbles of angry tones hit my ears.
She's going to get us jumped. Cutting the line doesn't seem to be going over well.
Flashing a smile, she leaned in and whispered something into the bouncer's ear, dragging a single finger down his chest.
That was all it took. Unclipping the rope, the giant bulky man pulled it to the side, and guided us in. His eyes ate up her body, teeth biting down hard on his bottom lip.
Beth had made more than a few friends here, and with her modeling career highlighting her name on a few billboards...
She could basically go anywhere, any time, no questions asked.
My chest started to tighten, lungs working to pull in air. I hated large crowds of people, and this was a giant ball of strangers all welded side by side.
I knew that living here wasn't going to be easy. A place where people outnumbered bugs, and personal space was a privilege, wasn't an easy choice for me.
But Beth was here, and when it came to art, this was a garden growing easels. My career was more important to me than my own health.
This is what anxiety meds are for. Exactly why they were made.
The air was thick, sweat and liquor was the only scent floating through the room. I tried to breathe through my mouth, hoping it would dull the aroma making my stomach curdle.
It didn't work.
Instead I tasted the air, and that was a hell of a lot worse than smelling it.
Trying to maneuver through the wall of patrons was nearly impossible. Twisting, squeezing, turning, I moved in so many different directions just to get ten feet inside the damn place.
“Here we are, Lo!” Beth yelled into my ear. Her voice was masked by the loud thumping beat of music. “It's drink time!” Spinning her arms over her head, she twirled on her heels towards the bar.
“Yes, please.” I nodded, ready for a drink right then. I honestly would've taken anything just to ease the tension hitting my ribs.
I had a slight phobia of being around people for as long as I could remember, and I wasn't completely sure why.
But that secret fear I held of large crowds and unknown faces plagued me with a nervous twitch I couldn't stop. I was so much more comfortable just being home by myself, and with my paints as company.
Being social to this degree was not my cup of tea. But for Beth it was her domain.
Everything about the club made me uncomfortable, turning my entire body into a burning inferno. Sweat was pouring over my neck, trickling down my spine. My head was spinning and warping with nervous sparks.
If I could have turned to run out the front door, I would've. But Beth was leaving and this was her way of signing off for a time. I couldn't ditch my best friend, no matter how miserable I felt right then.
She had put this night together for me, for us, for the new path of our future. I'd be an asshole if I let my fear run my life all the time.
“What will it be, Ladies?” A smooth voice echoed over the music. The bartender swiped away the remnants of a spilled drink, tucking the bar rag deep into his belt.
Instantly my eyes shot to his waist, taking in the large bulge hidden beneath. His muscles looked like they were strangling his shirt. The edges of the fabric dug into his skin, a thick sheen of sweat glistened under the low lights.
“Two gin and tonics.” Beth googly eyed the bartender and his rugged arms. “Or better yet, she'll take one, and I'll take you. That will work better for me.”
I could feel my cheeks flush, body warming with embarrassment. Beth was never subtle.