“Did you really think you would get away with your little outburst tonight? You were not only disrespecting me, but another charter Prez.” Rage kneels down in front of my face, twirling around what looks to be like a baseball bat. I watch as it spins around and around. “I don’t let anyone disrespect me or my brothers. Not even my fucking wife. I’m giving you the same punishment I’d give any man who challenges me, only you might get to leave with your life. I guess we’ll see how strong you really are, won’t we, baby?”
“Finnick.” I mumble Rage’s real name, breathless, the pain in my head worsening after each moment.
“Shut the fuck up.”
“Finnick, please I – “
“I said shut the fuck up, bitch!” He slams the baseball bat as hard as he can down onto my upper thigh. I scream out in agony, digging my nails so hard into the cement below me that I feel them cracking. This is worse than it had ever been before. It was almost as if I could feel my bones snap under the pressure of the bat against my body.
Rage rises from his kneeling position and runs the bat slowly along my body. I am careful to move my arms in the way of my stomach, wanting to protect my son more than anything. I was fearful that no matter what I did tonight, there was no way I’d be able to protect him from his father.
I look into his eyes, afraid of what I might find. No longer did I see the man I fell in love with years ago. He’d been replaced with something else, something inhuman. I didn’t even recognize him anymore. And I knew that I never would ever again.
He raises the bat high in the air. I could see the flicker of the post light from behind him. I watch as bugs fly against the light over and over again, hoping to get to that warm, safe place. Right now, I understood them and their need for security. The world was an ugly, awful place.
Chapter 4
One of the hardest things you will ever do my dear, is to grieve the loss of someone who is still alive. – Word Porn
Tex
I love driving all night in the fucking rain, said no biker ever. My four-hour trip back to the club takes me almost nine. It was simple, I was coming back after spending two weeks with my family up at our family vacation house in Colorado. You haven’t been home in ages, she said. Everyone asks me if you died, she said. Come spend time with your mom, she said. Don’t you love me anymore? she asked.
My ma always has a great way of getting me to do whatever the hell she wanted me to do. She knew exactly what things to say, and damn, did she do a good fucking job. I will say, after a week with that woman, I could not have been happier to be coming back into the daily chaos at the club. It was a warm welcome.
I take a left turn back onto the shitty gravel that I kept telling Rage we needed to fix. We didn’t need this shit, we needed fuckin’ pavement, and the bastard knew it. It wasn’t like the club couldn’t afford to pay for it. Our reserves were fucking massive – we could survive the damn apocalypse.
I keep going down the driveway until I pull up a couple of feet away from the clubhouse doors. I prop my kickstand, turn off the ignition, and dismount my bike. Every time I look at this club, it somehow looks different. I didn’t know why. Maybe it was the fact that every other day we were having new members join, hosting other clubs for parties. It was a lot of shit to keep track of. Half the time when someone comes up to me, I have no idea who they are, but they sure knew me. It’s been getting out of hand, way too out of hand.
I was just waiting for the day when it all goes to shit. Rage had done a decent job at club politics thus far. It won’t stay that way for long, though. He was a ticking time bomb. I was his best fucking friend, and I’ll be the first to tell you that.
Rage’s time would run out one day, and if I had to guess, I’d say that would be pretty damn soon. He’d been getting sloppy over the past few weeks. Time and time again Roman and I had to go and clean up his messes. If we didn’t, chaos would already have ensued. I’m fucking shocked that it hadn’t already.
I make my way down the gravel filled lot until I am just in front of the clubhouse doors. I was not ready to go in, to start the drink and fuck fest I know Rage would want me to partake in. He is fucking exhausting. The man knows how to party and how to fuck shit up – how he keeps the club afloat is beyond me. He only stays sober enough to bark around orders and make somewhat decent business decisions.
There was a time when I used to appreciate his input, where I could respect whatever was coming out of his mouth. Those days had long passed; he’d been going down this turmoiled shithole for the past five years. Almost everything that he says now is garbage; all bullshit and no one should listen. When I really think about it, I hadn’t respected him in a long time. It has been too fucking long since I’d taken one word that had come out of his mouth seriously.
I suppose that all started to change when he thought it was best he be the one to test the product, the coke, the women, it didn’t matter. It all belongs to him. So, he felt the need to try it all out. Shortly after that, everything else started to change. That is when he stopped fighting the boys and started laying his punches into his wife.
Roxy.
I tell myself time after time that it wasn’t my place to interfere. It is his marriage – it was not my place. But really, fuck that shit. Fuck it. I was not going to stand by and watch him kill her in front of us.
I had wondered for years why she didn’t run. I’d always fucking wondered about that, and still I somehow didn’t know. She stays, where she knows it wasn’t safe, and took every beating that she was going to get.
I’d seen men beat their wives. I’d seen men beat their wives with reasons. Was there a good enough reason to beat a woman? No. There wasn’t. It doesn’t matter, though, we are all part of the club life. There are no rules there. In a sense, we make the rules. I was making a vow to myself now to do better. To do everything that I could to make this club better, and I would.
I grab my pack of Marlboros from my back pocket, thanking the lord that none of them are soaking wet. Making my way around the side of the building, I yank out my lighter, bringing the flame to the end of my cigarette.
That’s when I see her.
She is just lying there, lifeless.
Her body is like beautiful canvas. I could see the emotion that she must have felt written on her face. Her hair was flowing around her head, her body limp from exhaustion. My eyes flicker to something moving. I instantly become enraged as the blood flows from under her. I don’t think – I act.
I rush over to Roxy and scoop her body into my arms. She feels lighter than the last time I had to do this and take her to the hospital; she’d lost fucking weight since I’d been gone. I glanc down to her face, her eyelids softly fluttering.
“Ssssh, I’ve got you firefly. I’ve fucking got you,” I whisper softly to her as I jog over to the back of the clubhouse where my room is. I didn’t know how I got so lucky to end up with the only room that had a back entrance. I scoop my room key out of my pocket and open the door quickly, searching for the keys to my truck. It only takes me a moment until they are in my grasp.
Now, I am just hoping I was not too fucking late.
***
The doc tells me I got her to the hospital just in time. After years of living here and Roxy’s usual beatings, they’d come to know her, and fall in love with her spirit like we all did. This means that they’ve come to know us as well. All of us. The ones who pitied her for staying. The ones who didn’t stand up and do a damn thing to protect her.