My mind instantly went to Miller. Was my dad replacing people? Or just adding more members because he was worried about my safety?
“But I’ll want you to stay here for a little while until everything’s done. If that’s okay with you?”
I nodded.
“It’ll just be a few days. But I need to make sure I can keep you safe before you return.” He handed me the journal that he’d been holding. “Speaking of which, make sure you keep that journal Dr. Wilson requested. Just in case we can pinpoint something else that’s causing you to stress.”
He didn’t want it to be Isabella. But it was. I held the journal to my chest, comforted by the fact that it had belonged to my mom, even if she’d never used it. I nodded my head. “Is Kennedy awake?”
“Yes, and she’s already back with Mrs. Alcaraz. She doesn’t remember much about last night, which is probably for the best. But she’ll be okay. I’ll have Dr. Wilson check up on her again today.”
“And what about Matt?” I had kind of been expecting him to be here when I woke up.
My dad put his hands in his pockets. “I sent for Matthew like you asked, but when he arrived he was so inebriated that I wouldn’t let him up here to our apartment.”
Oh God. I forgot about how drunk he’d been at the dance.
“Are you sure you don’t like Mason?” he asked. “I really think he’s more put together than his brother.”
I laughed. “Yes, I’m sure.” I doubted my dad knew about Masons’ sexual escapades. Not that any of that mattered. I loved Matt. I knew it. I’d seen everything so clearly last night. Felix and Miller would always have a piece of my shattered heart. But Matt? He’d healed it. He was the one who made it easier for me to breathe. I didn’t feel like I was drowning when I was with him. He was the light I desperately needed. He made me feel alive. I needed him. I’d always needed him.
“All right. Well, Matthew is waiting downstairs. He refused to leave even though I wouldn’t let him up.”
That was so sweet. I knew he’d done the same thing after his fallout with James. He’d told me he was worried about him so he’d camped out outside his house. He didn’t want him to be alone. But now he was choosing me. He was putting me first.
“Hopefully he’s not too hungover,” my dad said. “I made it clear to him that he’s never allowed to get intoxicated like that around you again. That he needs to always put you first.”
Dad.
“I think he got the message since I wouldn’t let him up. If you’d like I can make an amendment to the relationship contract that states…”
“That’s definitely not necessary.” That conversation sounded embarrassing enough. And really Matt was only drunk because I’d made him wait all night for a dance. He’d just been staring at me dancing with tons of other people. I’d never seen Matt drunk before. And honestly, it had been endearing. In his drunkenness, he’d finally given me some answers I needed.
“Alright, princess. But let me know if he gets out of line again and we can circle back to it. Are you hungry? I’m a terrible cook, but I think I can manage to make some eggs. Does that sound okay?”
“That sounds great.”
“How about you get back into bed and I’ll bring them to you? You really should still be resting.”
“Do you mind if I stay in here?”
He gave me a sad smile. “Of course. This couch is actually pretty comfortable.”
I sat down on it and took a deep breath. “It smells like her.”
My dad lifted up a bottle of perfume off a dresser. “It’s her perfume.” He handed it to me.
I had no idea what perfume my mom had worn. It was like a little bottle of her. It was the greatest gift he could possibly give me. I spritzed some on my arm and almost cried. It smelled like she was hugging me.
“I didn’t know that she still wore it,” my dad said.
I looked up at him. “Yeah. I never knew what it was, but she always smelled like this.”
He nodded, but he looked so sad. “I bought it for her.”
I stared up at him. I wished my mom had told me about him. I wished she’d followed her heart. She had clearly still loved him. And he loved her too. Thinking about how they never crossed paths again broke my heart. Especially because I was the reason that they had a falling out.
He cleared his throat. “Eggs. Well, probably burnt eggs. They’ll be right up.” He chuckled at his own joke and then left me alone in the room.
I took a deep breath of the perfume. My mom had been here. She’d sat on this very couch. I ran my fingers along the worn fabric. She’d lived here before she had me. Before she got pregnant and moved in with my uncle. Before she ran away to Delaware. Why didn’t she want me to know about this part of her life? I looked around the room at all her abandoned memories. She’d given it all up for me. Why?
“Brooklyn?”
I looked up at Matt in the doorway. It was like he didn’t realize we were in a time capsule. His bloodshot eyes were focused solely on me. His hair was pushed up in every direction. He looked terrible.
“I’m so sorry.” His voice was hoarse. “I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there to protect you. I’m so fucking sorry.” He stood there like he didn’t know what to do. When all I wanted was for him to hold me. He put his fist against his mouth like he was holding back tears.
“It wasn’t your fault.”
He winced. “I was freaking drunk and you needed me. I’m never there when you need me.”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not.” He sat down next to me and stared at me with all the hurt in the world in his eyes. “I keep letting you down.”
“You’re here now.” I hated seeing him upset. Especially over this. None of what happened last night was his fault. Just Isabella’s.
“Tell me where it hurts.” He was looking at the bandages on my feet. “Tell me everything that happened. Tell me I can make it better.” His Adam’s apple rose and then fell.
Matt had put me through hell. And I think maybe I had put him through hell too. But us torturing each other ended today. I was just glad he was here. I was glad he was choosing me back. Out loud. Not hidden anymore. Not like my dad had treated my mom.
I climbed onto his lap. “Can you just hold me?” I rested my head against his chest and breathed in his familiar scent. It mixed in the air with my mom’s perfume and made me feel so content. I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
I knew I needed to tell him about the past week. About Miller. Even about James. But not right now. I just wanted one minute where I didn’t feel awful. And when he held me, I no longer felt like I was sinking. I was all in with him. I just hoped he felt the same way after he knew the truth.
“I’m going to fucking kill her,” Matt said.
I believed him. I should have been scared of his words. But I wasn’t. The threat was comforting. He finally had my back. I just wasn’t sure I deserved it now.
“If she even breathes your name, she’s dead.” He held me tighter.
I hoped it was a promise. Because even though I felt safe in his arms, I wasn’t sure I’d ever truly feel safe as long as Isabella was still breathing.