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Hazardous Things
Author: Beth Bolden

Chapter One


“Here’s to losing,” Benji said, raising his glass. “Nobody ever did it better than us.”

Felix didn’t think this assessment was true at all. He hadn’t been seated with the Star Shadow guys during the ceremony—he’d been much farther back in the auditorium—but he’d still seen Leo’s tiny eyeroll and the flash of Benji’s frustration. Even Diego made what was undoubtedly a disgruntled face. But it was probably a good thing they were trying to put a positive spin on things. Who was Felix to remind them that being nominated for a Grammy was fucking fantastic, but winning one was even better?

“I object to that,” Leo chimed in. But at least he was still smiling. Maybe, Felix thought, they might had lost Album of the Year to Beyoncé, but they’d still given Taylor Swift a run for her money—with even more successful singles than she’d had with 1989—and even more importantly, they’d done it together. The fractured mess they’d been only two years ago was long gone, replaced by a warm, familiar camaraderie that Felix not only saw, but felt.

“You object?” Benji asked, raising an eyebrow.

“You really want to be good at losing?” Leo retorted.

“If this is what losing feels like, I’ll take it,” Caleb added. “We were nominated for Album of the fucking Year, guys.”

“And we lost to Beyoncé,” Max said. “Beyoncé.”

It was the first time Max had said anything since they’d piled into the living room of Caleb and Leo’s house post-ceremony. Felix had been trying to ignore him—even sitting on the far end of the opposite couch, fussing with drinks while Max chose his seat so he could sit as far away as possible—but he couldn’t help himself. Every molecule of Felix’s body stood up and begged. Talk to him, they all pled. You know you’re dying to. You know ignoring him is killing you.

All those stupid molecules weren’t wrong. But Felix had made a choice for his own goddamn self-preservation. Max was never going to fall in love with him. It was better to pull away now, far enough that Felix could get over him. Their friendship wouldn’t survive anything else.

Of course, Felix thought darkly, as Max gave him a puzzled look over Benji’s head, he wasn’t sure their friendship was going to survive this.

“Hey, Felix, did you about shit yourself when she came over?” Diego asked. “Because I nearly did, and I don’t worship her nearly as much as you do.”

Felix clamped his lips together. “She was wonderful and amazing and incredible. And gracious.”

“She is,” Diego said, looking misty-eyed not for the first time that night. “She even said she liked the album and that ‘Violet’ is one of her favorite songs.”

“Okay, fine,” Benji grumbled, his own eyes looking suspiciously wet as he raised his glass a second time. “Here’s to winning even though we lost. Is that better? Are there any other objections to the toast?”

“Winning even when we lose!” Leo repeated with a gleeful tone. “I like it. I like it a lot.”

After everyone finally clinked their glasses together—Felix almost tried to stay out of the toast, but Leo had shot him a look that made it clear he was not allowed to abstain—Diego turned to Max.

“So, Felix and Leo and Caleb are going to Fiji. Benny and I are going to Brazil with Ana. But what about you, Max? You’ve been quiet. Don’t have any big plans for the break?”

Max shook his head ruefully. “Not that we can’t use a break, but is it a really work when we’re doing what we love?”

“You’re horrible at taking time off. Even when the rest of us were licking our wounds, you were still fucking working,” Leo pointed out.

Which was true. For the five years after Caleb had disappeared and Star Shadow had broken up, Max hadn’t taken much time off at all. He’d found other guys to play with, albums to help record, tours to join. But Felix knew, because they’d been so close right after the implosion of Star Shadow, that none of those bands had ever felt like family. Not like Star Shadow had. But Max had done it anyway, working almost incessantly. The only time he’d ever really taken time off had been when Felix had convinced him to come up to Napa, to his mom’s winery, where he’d worked during and after college.

If Felix wasn’t already going to Fiji, and if Felix weren’t trying to get some space so he could try to get over this painful, horrible, wonderful love, he’d do it again—drag Max up to the winery. They’d spend a few weeks schlepping boxes for his mom, helping the winemaker, causing trouble at all the other tasting rooms, and eating too much incredible food with the loamy, fruity scent of the vines surrounding them.

He’d considered it. He wanted it. But that was the whole problem. He wanted it so much, and what he wanted was never going to be a few weeks of bro-ing around Napa. He was always going to want so much more.

“Uh,” Max said, hesitating at Leo’s skewering gaze. Anyone, Felix thought, might hesitate when that glare gets pointed their direction. He’d felt it enough times to know from personal experience.

“I knew it!” Benji leaned over, inserting himself into the conversation literally and figuratively. “Something is going on with you. You’re not usually this damn quiet.”

He could be, Felix wanted to say. Sometimes Max gets this way. He’d seen it too, recently, and Felix had resisted every instinct to pull the truth out of him. But he’d denied the pull because he needed to. For once, it couldn’t be Felix forcing Max out of his shell.

“Anyone is quiet compared to you and Leo,” Max retorted.

Diego nodded, clearly in complete agreement, and Benji elbowed him in the ribs. “We’re not that loud. Well I’m not that loud, anyway. Leo can be.”

“Leo is what?” Leo asked as he drifted over to join their conversation, after filling his glass with more sparkling apple juice. Caleb was right there, at his elbow, intrigued expression on his face.

Only Felix remained stubbornly on the other couch. He pulled his phone out, like he had something important he needed to do, even as he tried to hear every single word that passed between them.

“Ugh, someone told you,” Max said.

Felix knew him way too well and knew instantly where his mind had gone. Where’s the leak? Who’s blabbed now?

It was impossible not to be close to, and work for, one of the biggest bands in the world and not see how sometimes, it wasn’t all fun and games. Often, details they didn’t want anyone to know leaked anyway. Sometimes, it felt like the world wouldn’t stop chipping away at pieces of all of them. Pieces they had no interest in sharing.

It was why Max held himself aloof now. Felix knew that. Just like Felix knew that he’d been inside those walls for years now. The only reason he wasn’t anymore was because he’d forcibly removed himself.

“Someone told us what?” Caleb asked kindly. Nobody could understand the invasive world of celebrity as well as he did. He’d suffered the most, without question.

Max took a deep breath. “I’m spending the break having ACL reconstruction surgery.”

Felix dropped his phone onto his lap, charade of being busy and occupied completely forgotten. “Shit,” he exclaimed, coming over to where the rest of them stood, loosely circled around Max. Like they could protect him even from this.

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