Chapter One
June 25, 20X5
This will be my first and last entry, the final secret I share. It’s strange, knowing this is goodbye. What will be my final words to my so-called friends?
…
I thought I’d get to choose, but in the end, it isn’t my decision.
“Jump!” The voice is the wind ruffling the lake, but it’s inside me at the same time. Wherever it comes from, it’s a voice I obey. Instinctively wadding my limbs into a ball, I launch myself overboard seconds before the explosion.
As soon as I hit the water, the blast pushes me under. Bubbles rumble past my ears in a rush to the surface that fast fades above me. Frigid fingers shove into my nostrils until my eyes bulge.
Where is Adam? I can’t go without him.
Seconds ago, I was overjoyed to see him. Those unforgettable blue eyes connected with mine, sending a jolt of hot relief down my spine. He was coming with me, and we had everything in front of us. Memories to be made.
And now…
Panicking, I thrash, frantically feeling for his fingers until a second wave of debris—champagne glasses, yacht remnants—presses me deeper. Invisible hands bind me, dragging me down.
He’s gone. Everyone is.
My heart balloons until it will surely burst, and I sob, inviting in the lake. As I choke, my throat scorches and my legs grow heavy, too heavy to move. Held hostage in chilly limbo, I stare into the hazy water, my useless arms floating in front of me. What strikes me most is the silence settling into my core, making room for the Lonely to reside. It would be easy to submit to the tantalizing darkness, to let the cool kiss take me, but some gut reflex won’t let me go. Of their own volition, my legs kick, getting tangled in the vintage Balenciaga dress Mom said would be the envy of the party, and there’s no way I’m letting that be the weight that drags me down. Lungs screaming, I push for life, clawing my way through wreckage until I break the surface with a pop.
I gasp, burned air searing my raw throat as I scan the lake for a sign of life—for evidence any of my friends are still part of mine—but all I find is unrecognizable fragments of my old existence sinking to watery graves. A fire smolders in the distance. Unwilling to believe the inevitable, I bob and dip my way toward it, my dress clinging to my legs, hindering my progress. I hike it up to my chest so I can move freely, but it’s still a fight for my exhausted limbs to keep my head above water. When I finally arrive at the charred remnants, it’s obvious the yacht is gone.
I’m alone.
If I could let the water swallow me, I would, but now that I’ve chosen to live, I can do nothing else.
A siren sounds on the breeze, reminding me of the plan.
This isn’t how it was supposed to happen, but it can still work. I’ve got to hide.
Walling off the desperation that squeezes my heart, adrenaline takes over, giving me strength to paddle toward shore. This night can haunt me later.
Crawling out of the lake, I sprawl on the beach, sucking in precious air for as long as I dare. Still breathless, I limp into the woods. My temples throb and I long to return to the house and climb into bed, to huddle under the blankets until the shivering stops. Last chance to keep my old life. I could come out of this a survivor. My parents would be so proud… Once the story hit the Networks, my Influencer status would be reinstated—especially now that everyone who knew my family’s secret is…dead.
Isn’t that convenient?
I don’t dwell on who’s behind the explosion. Maybe part of me already knows the truth, but I’m not ready for it. Instead, the final fleeting glimpse I had of my best friend, Deena, her blond hair whipping across her face right before the blast, assaults me.
Doubling over, I swallow the sickness rising in my throat, shutting my eyes against her. We weren’t speaking, but she didn’t deserve this. None of them did. Tears bubble down my cheeks. Dropping to my knees, I stare up at the starry sky, an irrevocable ache seeping through me. How can I be in this world without them? Wherever they are, can they see me? The universe is endless, and the stars shine down without even a wink.
A voice drifts up from the lake, its nearness sobering me. For the plan to work, the world needs to believe I’m dead. But if I stick to the plan I can never go back. That truth should terrify me, but I’m already overwhelmed. Besides, there’s nothing left to go back to. Not without Adam. He was the only one who made me feel like I mattered. Breathing deep, I heave myself to my feet and drag myself deeper into the woods. I have no home. I have to keep going.
The old me would have ordered a car to drive me from Lake Tahoe to the Sequoia National Forest, but the Disconnects offered me refuge on the condition I wouldn’t be tracked. Starting now, I’m invisible. They were supposed to send a guide, but he never showed up, and it’s pure luck I stumble upon the bikes, sneakers, and hooded sweatshirt hidden behind a tree. Taking it as a sign I’ve made the right decision, I yelp. Choking back the cry, I tug the sweatshirt over my dress with shaking hands. In the pocket I find a tube of glittery gold paint and draw a haphazard zigzag over half my face to disguise my identity from facial-recognition cameras.
The mark of a Disconnect.
Putting my hood up, I hit the trail. Don’t think. Just go. My muscles scream, but I push forward, praying for momentum to carry me. Luckily, I’m headed downhill, and I focus on pedaling. If the explosion sinks in, my legs will cease to move.
But even the ringing in my ears can’t silence the screams.
It’s six long miles to the abandoned strip mall where Allard is waiting. Despite my pounding headache, I go as fast as I can, knowing the risk she’s taking to rescue me. When my Jell-O legs thrust into the drive, she’s standing next to a black hunk of metal that must have been stolen from an antique car museum. Silver letters read “Rambler” across the grill.
For a master thief meant to blend in, Allard is stunning, with a collection of silver and white beads dripping from her forehead. At the sight of her red hair and dangerous figure, I burst into tears.
She wraps me up in a brief hug. “You’re alone,” she whispers before tugging open the heavy car door and strapping me into the musty backseat. “What happened to your contact? Is he…”
“I’m not sure. He never showed up.” My scorched throat strains against the words. Tears roll hot and fast over my cheeks, and I hiccup.
The color drains from her face, but it’s the only indication she’s worried about my contact. Her voice remains firm. “Okay. It’s okay. Keep your head down.” She closes me inside the car before throwing the bike into the trunk and getting into the driver’s seat.
I press my cheek to the cracked vinyl, my vision blurring as she turns the key in the ignition. The engine rumbles to life, and relief vibrates through me. I made it.