“The thought of anyone hurting you... it fucking kills me, babe. But knowing he hurt you, knowing that I trusted him with you, and he—“
I slide a finger to his lips, forcing the words back in.
Because I can’t do this.
Not now.
Not ever.
“I’ll survive,” I whisper. “I’ll be okay.”
A shudder rolls through him as he inhales a ragged breath, screwing his eyes shut. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
The words reverberate inside me.
Words can’t fix this.
They can’t fix us.
“Yeah,” I reply as I start to pull away. “Me too.”
“Kenny, don’t.”
“You should get some rest, Conner,” I say, fighting back the wave of tears threatening to fall. “That’s going to hurt tomorrow.”
Abandoning the soda and chicken, I turn and retreat toward my room.
But as I reach the stairs, I’m almost certain I hear his voice.
“Not as much as losing you.”
“So, what do you think?” Hadley asks me as I take in the dorm room. Except, it doesn’t really resemble a dorm room at all. It’s more like a five-star hotel—not that I’ve ever been to one. The carpet is thick and spongy beneath my feet, and the furniture looks expensive and complements the pale beige walls.
It’s a far cry from Warren’s bedroom in his dad’s trailer.
“Kennedy?” she asks, and I blink over at her.
“It’s... nice.” The word comes out tight.
“You have your own bathroom, and there’s a communal kitchen down the hall, but I never really go in there.”
“Yeah, I’m not going in there either.”
She offers me a reassuring smile. “It’ll be okay, you know. I’m right next door, and the girls aren’t that bad if you keep to yourself. At least you have a few days to settle in before school starts.”
As if I can forget.
The last place on Earth I want to go is Sterling Prep, but I don’t have much of a choice.
“Kennedy,” James Jagger steps into the room, taking the air with him, “this is Valerie Jones, the school guidance counselor and cheer squad coach.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Kennedy.” The woman steps forward.
“Hey,” I inch back. There’s something about the way they’re watching me that rubs me the wrong way, like I’m a caged animal about to bolt. Hadley moves closer to me, offering me another smile.
“It’s okay,” she says softly. “Miss J is good people.” Something passes over her face.
“I just wanted to introduce myself and let you know my door is always open. Principal Vager would have been here to welcome you, but he’s currently out of town.”
“I... uh, okay.” This is awkward.
I don’t want to be here.
But I don’t want to be back in the Heights, either.
“Well, I’ll let you get settled in. You’re in good hands.” She flicks her gaze to Hadley. “When the semester starts, I’ll check in again, okay?”
I nod. It’s all I can manage.
“You’ll be okay?” James asks.
“We’ll be fine, thank you,” Hadley answers for me.
“Very well. You’re welcome at the house whenever you like, Kennedy.”
“Thanks.”
Relief seeps into me as they leave, closing the door behind them.
“You okay?” Hadley eyes me carefully.
I give her a half-shrug. “Could be worse, right?”
“The Jaggers are... a lot. I learned that the hard way. But they mean well.”
“You’re telling me,” I grumble, running my finger over the sideboard.
“Shall we unpack and get you settled?”
My brow arches as I glance at the one bag of things I have, most of them hand-me-downs from Hadley and Remi. When I lift my eyes to hers again, a knowing smile tugs at her lips.
“Actually, I have a better idea.”
My brows pinch, and she chuckles. “Come on, trust me. It’ll be fun.” Hadley makes for the door, but I hesitate. I forgot how to have fun a long time ago.
“Kennedy?” she asks.
“Nothing.” I force a smile, because Hadley is the one person I do feel comfortable with here. I can’t really explain it, but I sense she has her own story to tell. There’s something in her eyes, a shadow of pain I recognize.
“We don’t have to—”
“No, let’s go.” I stand taller. I won’t hide, not when I did nothing wrong.
But I can’t deny that as I follow Hadley out of the room, part of me wants to run away from here.
From Warren and the Heights.
From James Jagger and his overbearing family.
But most of all, from the first boy I ever loved.
The only boy.
Chapter Six
Conner
It's been four days and Ellen has changed the sheets, but if I position myself just right, I can still smell her on my pillow. I know I'm a sad motherfucker, but since she left the house and Hadley got her settled in the dorms, I've been warned to stay away and let her find her feet.
I've done it, but it's fucking bullshit.
She's in a new town, at a new school, and there's nothing I can do to help her.
Hadley keeps assuring me that she's fine, that she's taking care of her. And while I'm grateful, it's not fucking good enough.
It should be me. I should be the one looking after her, making sure she's settling in okay and getting her ready to start at Sterling Prep today.
I remember what it was like on our first day, with all the stares and gossip directed our way. I want to shield her from that. No one would dare even look twice at her if she turned up with me. As much as I love Hadley, I'm not sure her presence beside my girl will have the same impact as her turning up with three Jaggers.
Pulling on my uniform, I wonder how the holidays passed by so fast. When I ripped this off at the end of last year, it felt like it would be forever before I put it back on, but standing here now, even with everything that’s happened, it feels like I barely blinked and it's time to go back to school.
I don't hate Sterling Prep. I never have, unlike my brothers. I've always enjoyed school, and from the moment James announced that we'd be attending, a part of me was excited about the challenge. Life at Sterling Heights High was irritating at best. Some of the teachers tried their best, but mostly their efforts to actually teach were impeded by the morons in class, who were more interested in getting high and wasted than learning anything that might improve their future.
I've always found school fairly easy. While others got frustrated and gave up, I craved more. I also knew it was my way out of the Heights if I wanted it. I just needed to somehow graduate with a decent GPA, not something very many do from Sterling Heights High. Sterling Bay Prep, though… that's an entirely different story. They pride themselves on sending their students to Ivy League colleges every year, and while my aspirations might not be quite that high, the chance of getting accepted to somewhere decent makes all of my previous years worth it.