“Morning, beautiful.” He climbs my body with slow, sloppy kisses up my belly.
I stopped my life-draining diet two years ago. It took too much to make that decision, so as soon as I began to keep my food in, I decided to adopt a healthy lifestyle but without starving myself.
Xander became my personal trainer for runs, and I might have wanted to kill him at the beginning for all the long jogs we did, but then I started to look forward to them. And, okay, the way he looked in his running clothes might have helped a bit. Fine, a lot.
He’s just delicious, and all the girls who jog in our park agree.
When I glared at them, he teased me and told me while fucking me that I’m the only woman he sees and ever will.
True, I still have those self-confidence issues sometimes, but now, I have my mechanisms and I’ve learnt how to easily move away from them by digging into my self-empowerment.
Now, I can look at myself in the mirror and finally smile. I can be myself and not want to be someone else.
And the person who played the most important role in all of that is this man who’s now kissing his way up my body – my non-perfect, full of stretch marks and scars body – and still has that wild, lustful look in his eyes.
He flicks my nipple with the pad of his thumb and I moan deep in my throat and run my fingertips over the place where his heart lies. He had a tattoo inked on his skin as soon as he returned from rehab and stayed away from Absolut Vodka. We do drink, but he never loses himself to it now.
Green.
That’s what’s on the tattoo. Just one word next to his heart.
He got me inked on him for life, and I still feel close to tears whenever I see it.
Xander is mine as much as I’m his.
His chest sticks to mine as he grins at me with that sloppy, sleepy, lustful smile.
“Morning, Xan.” I ruffle his blond hair. I can’t keep my hands off it and I might be too in love with the colour. It’s shining under the morning light coming from the balcony of our bedroom.
He leans on his elbows so they’re on either side of me. “Happy graduation.”
“Ugh, don’t remind me of all the things I have to do today. Kir was demanding to come here.”
Dad, Lewis, and Kirian will join us for lunch after the graduation ceremony, and then I’ve already made plans with Elsa, Aiden, and the others.
That is, if Aiden doesn’t decide to kidnap Elsa somewhere.
We always have family lunches and dinners now. Lewis and Dad are our fathers, and although I don’t call Lewis ‘Dad’ and Xan doesn’t do the same to my dad, we have that unspoken mutual understanding, sort of like the one Dad and Lewis had for years.
It’s easier this way and doesn’t give us grief from any prying eyes.
Mum moved to Paris two years ago. She sends us invitations to her exhibitions, but we don’t go. There isn’t even any pain as we talk about her now. She’s like that distant relative no one actually cares about.
Even Kirian, who’s supposed to be attached to his mother, doesn’t want to spend time with her and is now striving to be a ‘proper’ man like Dad and his Uncle Lewis – his words, not mine.
“I’ll bribe Kirian with brownies so he doesn’t spend the night,” Xander says.
“Why can’t he?”
“Because we’re celebrating.”
“We’ll be doing a lot of celebrations for one night.”
“We’ll have to add one more then. The most important one.” He reaches under the pillow and retrieves a ring with a blinding green jewel on top.
My eyes widen as I stare between him and the ring. This can’t be what I think it is…?
“I’ve wanted to do this since RES, but Dad and Calvin said all that adult shit about college graduation and whatnot. Besides, I didn’t want to distract you more than I should. Needless to say, I’ve waited so fucking long to make you officially mine, to call you my wife, my life, and my future.”
I’m crying like a little girl by the time he finishes. “Yes! Absolutely yes!”
“I wasn’t asking. That means you have the chance to say no and I’m not having that, Green.” He slips the ring on my finger. Perfect fit – of course it is.
Sometimes, I think Xander knows me even better than I know myself.
He stops and looks at me more than I’ll ever stop to look at myself.
And for that reason, he’s not only perfect for me, but he was made for me.
Just like I was made for him.
“I love you so much, Xan.”
“And I love you, Green.” He claims my mouth in a slow kiss that robs my breath.
I’m melting and I have no interest in stopping it. London, our cat, mewls, then jumps on the bed, demanding to join the celebration. She hates being left out.
Xander pulls away, “Now, for the wedding date.”
“What about it?”
“How about tomorrow?”
We both laugh as our lips meet again.
4
Teal
Age Nineteen
There’s something about seeing the world through different lenses.
Before, it was blurry. Now, there’s sense to it, a clarity I wasn’t able to feel before.
There’s something called happiness, and there’s something called joy.
For my whole life, I never actually understood what happiness meant and why people would crave to be happy. It felt like a high that would just eventually wear off.
That is, until Ronan became a constant in my life. He’s happiness incarnate.
He’s a high that will never wear off.
After we graduated, we spent the summer travelling. Just that, travelling, from one country to another and from one city to the next.
We were free souls discovering the world and people and cultures. He called me a nerd whenever I asked about museums, and I called him a gigolo whenever he wanted to go to the trendiest bar.
Ronan will be Ronan no matter what happens. Fun and parties are in his soul. Whenever anyone needs a party thrown, he’ll be at the front of the line planning his next ‘epic’ event. The last was Aiden and Elsa’s marriage. He was so extra in his speech, acting salty because he wasn’t the best man.
Since then, he’s been bribing Xander to be chosen as the best man, threatening to delete them all from his group chat.
He won’t.
What he doesn’t tell them is that the horsemen saved him from his head several times in the past. They weren’t there just for the parties, like most other people; they were there for him, and Ronan would never forget that.
To say we’re both over Eduard would be a lie. Sometimes, it feels as if he’s still the shadow looming over our lives, even after his death.
Ronan and I still have the nightmares, but they’re sparse and far between. We go to joint therapy now, and it’s the best therapy I’ve had in my life.
When it gets to be too much, I just say it. However, it usually doesn’t, because I know I have my family, and most of all, I have him.
Ronan.
The moment he strokes my hair off my face or kisses me, I usually climb his body and demand that he fucks me.
Of course, he obliges, and he makes it dreamier every time, rougher, harder. Ronan has never treated me as if I’m a delicate flower, and I love him the most for it. Even when he fucks me slow, it’s to make me feel him — feel us — not because he’s afraid of touching me.