“I can’t feel yours,” I say numbly.
He lifts one hand to cup my face, moving carefully as if he expects me to flinch away. “All of us learned to shield a long time ago. It’s a necessary skill.”
Somehow, this just makes me feel worse. “A necessary skill for vampires and dhampirs with power.”
“You have power now.” He strokes my cheekbone with his thumb. “I’ll teach you, little dhampir.”
I want that, but I’m not quite prepared to let go of my complicated feelings about him hiding this. It’s enough to make me wonder what else he’s keeping from me, supposedly for my own good. “Why didn’t you say something as soon as you understood what was happening?” Realization rolls over me. “That’s how you knew things had gotten out of control with Rylan last night.” It hadn’t even occurred to me to question it before now. Vampire senses are incredibly strong, so it’s likely they knew we were having sex even without the bond, but now that I think about it, I don’t believe either Wolf or Malachi would have come into the room without an invitation. Not when Rylan and I are balanced so carefully at odds right now.
They felt my flash of fear when he bit me and it brought them running.
“Yes.” He shifts his hand to cup my neck. “I didn’t tell you before because I knew you wouldn’t like this new development, and you’re already under enough pressure.”
Once again the urge rises to simply…let him handle this. I’m outmatched and outgunned and I don’t know anything about magic. It would be so easy to let Malachi take charge. I can’t do it. I close my eyes. “Don’t keep things from me again. I realize that I’m hardly an asset right now, but the choices you make affect me, too. I can’t make the right calls if I don’t know all the info.”
I can’t make the right calls. How laughable. I haven’t made a single fucking call.
“There’s nothing else.”
I wish I believed him.
Not for the first time, I wish we were just two people who’d met under normal circumstances. I don’t even know how that would work. I can’t imagine running into Malachi in a coffee shop or on a street or in the thousands of other places meet-cutes happen in fiction. Going on a normal human date? It defies comprehension. What a mess. I slump down against his chest, and he tenses a little like I’ve surprised him. I close my eyes. “I hate this.”
“We’re in an adjustment period.”
That almost makes me laugh. Almost. “I am magically bound to three vampires that I barely know, two of which would be only too happy to murder me.”
“Wolf likes you.”
I open my eyes and lift my head so I can shoot him the look that statement deserves. “Wolf might like me just fine. Sometimes. We both know that doesn’t change the truth of my statement.”
He shrugs a single shoulder. “None of us are going to hurt you. Last night was an anomaly.”
Hurt is such a strange concept. I was a child when I realized that physical hurt is far preferable to the pain someone can cause with their words, with their willingness to lock me away and deprive me of their attention. Compared to that, being beaten is almost a relief. At least I know that pain will fade.
The pain and fear I felt last night was massively overshadowed by pleasure. Not to mention the easing of the pressure on the bond between me and Rylan. The cost is more than worth the reward from where I’m sitting, but I don’t need to ask Malachi to know he doesn’t agree.
“Teach me to shield.”
“Tomorrow.” He digs his hands into my hair and gives it a light tug. “After we spar.”
A groan slips free before I have a chance to stop it. “I hate sparring.” Even with Malachi’s blood having nearly healed my formerly shattered knee, it’s readily apparent that I’ll never be as fast or strong as he is. Whatever else is true about the seraphim, they’re nowhere near as physically superior as vampires are. Against a human? I can hold my own and then some. Against Malachi? I doubt I’ll ever be able to. “You always kick my ass.”
“You’re getting stronger.” The way he says it, I’m tempted to believe it’s true.
I frown. “I’ll never be a match for you.”
“Of course not.” He gives me a slow grin that has my stomach doing flips. “I’m older and stronger than you.” He leans forward until his lips brush the shell of my ear. “You need to learn to fight dirty.”
“I do fight dirty.” I have since I realized I’d never win in a fair fight, a lesson I learned long before I ever met Malachi.
His chuckle is more like a rumble. “You’re terrible at it.”
“Wow, thanks. That’s such an enlightening criticism.”
“We’ll invite Wolf to spar. He can teach you a thing or two.”
I sigh. “I bet. Though it’s going to end with me bitten and us fucking.”
“Is that so bad?” Malachi shifts against me, pulling me back so our hips are sealed together. He’s still hard, but he always seems to be hard when we get close. It’s a little mind-blowing, but I’m not exactly complaining. I like fucking him. I like him. If this situation were different…
But it’s not.
He might have enjoyed the sex before we were forcibly bonded when my powers emerged, but if last night proved anything it’s that now he doesn’t have a choice. Neither of us do. “It is when the alternative is potentially death.”
“Mina, I’ve wanted you since the moment I saw you.” He guides me to roll my hips again, sliding one hand up my spine until my breasts press against his chest and I put my arms around his neck. His lips brush my ear. “Even in a frenzy and half-starved, I had to get my mouth on your pussy. You can’t blame the bond for that.”
No, but I could blame the whole being-half-starved thing.
I see his point, though. I don’t know if I’m willing to accept it, but I see it. I draw in a harsh breath. “We’re going to talk to the demon. Getting rid of the bond doesn’t mean getting rid of you.”
“It better not.” His voice lowers, becoming nearly a growl. “Wolf wasn’t lying yesterday. I have to make myself walk away from you, little dhampir. All I want is to chain you to a bed and fuck you until you’re filled up with me. Until you’re pregnant with my child.”
Oh gods.
I shiver against him. “That, um, is the end goal.”
“I don’t give a fuck about the goal.” He drags his mouth down the side of my neck, directly over where Rylan bit me last night. “I wanted that even before we decided usurping your father was the best option.”
I shiver harder. “Oh.” It would be so easy to believe him…
Why am I fighting this?
It doesn’t matter what might have been because we can only deal with what is. And the reality of the situation is that Malachi and I—and Rylan and Wolf—are bonded because of my seraph blood. The reality is also that my father will hunt me—and Malachi, most likely—to the ends of the earth because we escaped his trap. The best way out of a future spent on the run is getting me pregnant so I can take the place as his heir. And then killing him.