I dropped my chin and stared at the table. “It wasn’t like that. I promise you. We both really care about you and wanted to handle this the right way.”
She shoved herself away from the table and got to her feet. “I feel so fucking stupid right now…”
“Kat—”
“Don’t fucking Kat me. You don’t deserve to call me that. The man I loved was in love with somebody else, and you didn’t even have my back.”
“He didn’t tell me until after he ended things with you. I kept pestering him for the real reason because we both knew he was hiding something, and then he finally told me…and I couldn’t believe it. He asked me not to tell you, so I couldn’t. And I also thought it would be cruel if I did.”
She was too emotional right now to see my side of things. “I was waiting around for months, hoping he would come back, and you knew the entire time he wouldn’t.” She threw her arms down. “What the fuck, Carson? What kind of friend are you?”
“What was I supposed to do?” I yelled back. “I’m friends with both of you, and that’s made me a part of your relationship when I shouldn’t be in that position.”
“No.” She faced off with me, her eyes wide-open and livid. “Your loyalties lie with him. I get it. You live with him, you work with him, he’s your best friend. Well, he’s your real best friend. You made me look like a fucking dumbass. That’s fine. But fucking own up to it. I wasted so much time that could’ve been prevented if you’d had my back. But you didn’t.”
My worst nightmare was unfolding right in front of my eyes. I was about to lose my best friend—and it wasn’t even my fault. “It wasn’t like that—”
“Get out of my apartment, Carson. And tell Charlie I wish him and Denise the best.” Her eyes watered with angry tears until they dripped down her cheeks to her lips. “Let yourself out.”
When I approached the door to my apartment, I got a text from Dax. How’d it go with Kat?
I quickly fired a message back. It was a nightmare.
I’m sorry, sweetheart. Want to come over?
I just want to be alone. I slipped my phone into my pocket and stepped into the apartment.
Charlie stood up so fast he almost toppled over. “What happened?”
I set my laptop bag on the table and walked to the fridge because I needed a beer or glass of wine…just something with a decent alcohol content. “Read the room, Charlie.” I settled on a beer and twisted off the cap to take a drink.
He was in his sweats and a t-shirt, like he had no plans for the night except to sit in front of the TV and wait for the sound of my keys in the door. “That bad?”
I set my beer on the counter. “She thinks I’m a shitty friend for not telling her.”
“But you didn’t know until after I broke it off.”
“But I’ve known for ten months, Charlie. Every time she mentioned you, I kept my mouth shut. I knew this would happen.” I wanted to be mad at Charlie, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t even be mad at myself because there was no good way to handle this. No matter what decision I made, I was screwed. It was the situation, not me. “It’s fucking shitty…but whatever.” I drank my beer again.
Charlie studied me for a long time, visibly sympathetic and looking guilty. He bowed his head to the floor and dragged his hands down his face as he released a deep sigh. “Carson, I’m so sorry. I feel like shit for the way this has affected you. I want to say I should’ve listened to your advice and never gotten together with her, but that would be insulting to the relationship we had.”
I grabbed my beer again and took another drink, just wanting to go to sleep and wake up tomorrow to a new day, a fresh start. “For the record, if you and Denise don’t work out and it becomes really tense, I have to choose my sister. I want to say I would remain neutral and close with both of you, but I just learned how impossible that is.” I knew I was just angry and bitter right now, so I should probably go to bed and shut up.
Charlie didn’t respond to that, like he knew I didn’t mean it and let it slide. “You just dropped the news on her. After you give her some time, I’m sure she’ll come around. She’s always been a pragmatic person.”
“And you don’t realize the one thing she’s not pragmatic about is you.” I stared at the beer in my hand, feeling the dread in my heart. Did I just lose a friend? Was there nothing I could do about it? It was so painful, like losing my parents all over again.
Charlie had no idea what to say to that. He stood there with his arms crossed over his chest, watching me as he breathed.
“I guess you can go for Denise now. No use waiting around at this point.”
He still wore that somber look, like going after the woman he wanted was the last thing on his mind. “I really want things to be okay with Kat first—and clearly, they aren’t.”
“You want to know the worst part?” I set the beer on the counter and looked at him again. “She’s not even mad at you. She’s just mad at me. Only me. While I played Switzerland, she was pouring out her feelings to me. All the while, I knew you couldn’t feel more differently toward her.” I shook my head as I replayed her words in my mind. When she put it like that, I really did feel like a bitch. “Who listens to somebody say how much they love a guy and hope they can work it out, knowing the guy is head over heels for somebody else?”
“Don’t do that.” His voice came out quiet. “You’re taking all the blame on yourself, and that’s not fair. I’m your best friend, coworker, and roommate. Kat is your best friend, and to top it off, Denise is your sister. What the hell are you supposed to do?”
I raised my hands in the air in an exaggerated shrug. “No fucking idea. Maybe it’s not me at all. Maybe it’s just the situation. Still shitty, nonetheless. Kat and I will never get over this, and I can already tell she’s going to pull away from all of us, and we’ll stop seeing her altogether. When I run into her at the coffee shop, she’ll duck out and act like she didn’t see me. Time will pass, and it’ll be hard to remember what it was like when we were friends at all.” The emotional, poetic side of me came out, painting a vivid picture of our future and making me sick to my stomach.
Charlie rubbed his fingers across his jawline, his eyes heavy with the weight of the situation. “Let’s not be dramatic…”
“I’m not being dramatic. Just realistic.”
“Give her time—”
A knock sounded on our front door.
Charlie glanced at the entryway before he turned back to me, his eyebrows raised slightly, silently asking if I was expecting company.
I shook my head as an answer.
“Maybe that’s her.” He walked to the front door, checked the peephole, and then opened it to reveal Dax on the other side.
I’d been hoping to see Kat come here to make amends after our fight, but this was a pleasant surprise too.
Dax didn’t even look at Charlie as he came into the apartment and approached me.
I just wanted to be alone to lick my wounds in private, but seeing his handsome face, concern in his eyes, immediately made me feel better, like I didn’t have to carry this alone, not anymore.