Ry begins to speak but pushes to his feet first. “Well, since we finished all the beer, you aren’t going anywhere anytime soon. I’m hot and hungry as hell, so I’m going to grab us some swim trunks and order us some decent dinner to make up for all the calories of the fucking beer you made me consume.”
I stand to follow him into the house because I’m hot as hell, too. “No one forced it down your throat, bro,” I point out, following him, and I wonder why my eyes stay focused on his ass.
“I’m ordering steak and salads. Are you cool with this?” Ry asks.
“Yeah, but not a ribeye. I always get all the fat. I want a sirloin.”
He turns around, and I run smack dab into his firm chest. “Yeah, man, I remember.” Why does it squeeze at my heart that he remembers this about me? “And you probably want a Caesar salad, too, right?” Ry continues, and this makes me understand how much I’ve genuinely missed him.
“And.” I turn it back on him. “You’ll get a New York Strip with a house salad, hold the onions and double the ranch.”
A small bob of his head gives me his answer, and we fall back into what we’ve always known. Ry and I as a part of each other’s lives. But as he turns his head and my gaze falls to his ass, my thoughts aren’t brotherly at all.
We’re close to about the same size, though I’m two to three inches taller, and we’ve both bulked up since college. With the extra swim trunks he lends me, I’m dressed and ready for a dunk in the pool. He must already be outside when I take the time to check out his home and his private life. Yeah, I’m snooping, and if caught, I’ll claim I’m turned around. This house is modern, a little too modern for my taste with black wood floors and floating steps off the front door, leading to the second floor. The house never looked this big from the outside.
But what catches my attention is the room behind the large den near the steps. I’m staring at the master, his own personal space. His bed is neatly made, there’s nothing out of the ordinary, and as with everything in the house, his comforter is white against a sterling silver bed frame. He has a king bed, and I’ve often wondered why a single person needs a king. After Alison, I wouldn’t get this size mattress for only me, but maybe he shares his bed with someone. Is he seeing anyone? And it’s not been something that has entered my mind until now.
“Crush, where are you?” Ryder cries out from the backyard, and I turn around. The only things adorning the bright white walls are silver industrial art designs of various sizes and shapes. It’s almost too cold. And in all of this, I wonder when I’ve become such a stickler for interior design.
“Yeah, on my way,” I call back, taking one last look into his private life. When I emerge from the house, I stop in my tracks. Water trails down his torso as every muscle is more on display than I’d noticed in the dingy locker room. And yeah, I noticed then, too.
He pulls himself out of the water, making his way back to the diving board, and my stare hasn’t left his body. All of a sudden, I feel my manhood coming to half-mast.
I almost run to the patio furniture under the shade to hide the effect Ry has on me. With a perfect dive and splash into the pool, he swims the entire length, then turns around to find me. “Are you coming in?”
“Yeah, probably after dinner.” The sweat is dripping off my body. He leaves the pool to head back to the diving board, and as he jumps in, I take the quick walk and land a cannonball, rocking the water in the hopes the coolness will hide whatever my cock is doing.
He swims the entire length and whips his head up, turning to the patio. His eyes connect to me in the pool, and he stays in, swimming toward the deep end this time.
He’s holding the side of the pool, as I am, when his eyes become soft. “Hey, tell me what it’s like being a dad?”
This is the one topic I can talk about for hours on end. “It’s the best thing I’ve ever done in my life. I mean, football is a big part of me, and I’d be lost without it, but being a dad is a game changer. It’s the best ever. And it’s just not being a dad but being Brooklyn’s dad. She is amazing, and that’s saying a lot since half her DNA comes from Alison.”
This makes Ry laugh. “Yeah, it surely says a lot.”
“I never make these comments in front of her. I try to show a united front with Al in all things about our little girl, but Alison, as you can imagine, doesn’t make it easy. I don’t see Brooklyn much during the beginning of the season, and I work it out once it gets going. Then from March to July, I have her the majority of the time. It’s not ideal, and I never wanted my child raised in a broken home, but Alison made her bed and slept in it—and most of the time, there were many other men sleeping in it, too. I’d tried to make the marriage work for Brooklyn, but some things are not forgivable.”
“Man, I’m sorry about Alison. I mean, I only ever wanted you happy. I hope you know this.”
I hate talking about Al, and I change the subject. “So what about you, man? Anybody special in your life?”
“Nah.” And this one word makes me smile on the inside until he continues. “Not really.”
It’s not a clear answer, and I elaborate to try to dig a bit further. “What does this mean? Either there is or there is not.” I attempt to hide the agitation in my tone.
“I’ve dated someone on and off, but neither one of us is ready for anything more. I guess you could say if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.”
Is this a dig at me? He has to see the guilt wash over my face, and his eyes avert from mine.
“What I mean is, I don’t think he’s the one. And until I find the one—the only one, we’re just having fun. Being what we both need for each other,” Ryder rationalizes.
Why does jealousy wrench my entire body in pain? I try to figure out how to tamp down this emotion, which has only resonated recently in me.
“So, is he local?” I ask.
“No. He travels all over the place, so when our paths cross, we spend as much time together as we can. And though we’re not committed, and I can see others, as he can, too, at this point, I’ve not found anyone worth giving my whole self to. And honestly, if I knew he was my forever, wouldn’t I be overloaded with so much jealousy that I’d want to mark him as mine?”
Fuck, the cool water does nothing to soften my hardening cock when he says the words marked and forever.
I swallow hard, and simply answer, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” But man, I wish I knew the reason my body is betraying me like this. Even though a part of me likes it, too.
5
Ryder
After all these years, my heart still beats differently when Christopher Colton is a part of the equation. After a night of swimming, eating manly steaks, and playing Call of Duty, he leaves but not before asking if I want to ride with him to Dallas Phillips’ barbecue the next day. I only know the way to the stadium and the practice fields, so I take him up on his invitation.
I’m in a pair of khaki shorts and a button-down linen top, and he texts to say he’s in my driveway. And this sends my heart further into a longing for a man I know I’ll never call my own.