I set my fork down and picked up my beer. “He called me Squirt. That’s what my older sisters called me when I was a kid. Then of course my parents picked up on it, and it stuck. Squirt instead of Kurt, stupid childhood nickname, but still. How the hell would the clown know that?”
Setting her own fork down, Bonnie picked up her wine. Her lashes fluttered a moment before meeting my eyes, like she was summoning her patience. “Kurt. I like you. You’re annoyingly attractive, and you seem like a nice guy. But can we please, please stop talking about that clown?”
My lips parted as I let out a breath, embarrassed. “Oh. Okay. Sorry.”
“I don’t mean to be rude, but you’ve been going on about it since we left the park. It’s obviously a coincidence that he called you Squirt. It may be your childhood nickname, but it’s also a derogatory term if you want to call a big guy small. Like calling someone scrawny or wimpy. The goal is to target the ego, which is exactly that clown’s job. Can we move on?”
I winced. “Shit, I can see now how annoying I’ve been.”
She smiled. “Don’t worry about it. Small talk isn’t easy, especially on a second date.”
I chuckled. “I hope I’m at least doing better than our first date?”
Laughing, she winked. “Marginally. Maybe I’ll even get a real kiss later?”
I nodded sheepishly. “Couldn’t do much worse than last time, right?”
“Let’s toast to starting over.”
“Sounds perfect,” I said, clinking my glass against hers.
Shit. I had been obsessing over the clown. Of course, Bonnie was right about the Squirt thing, could be just a coincidence. What I couldn’t tell her was that the clown was also right on target about my having made reservations for a table for three. Because I’d intended to bring my kids here before they canceled on me. That part was screwing with my head. Such a random thing to say, and so oddly specific.
But I was going to drive myself crazy if I kept thinking about it, and was clearly already driving my date crazy, so I switched gears. “That’s a nice necklace you bought for your sister.” We’d stopped at several shops along the way, which Bonnie seemed to enjoy. At least I’d thought she was enjoying it at the time, not knowing that my chattering about the clown was driving her bananas.
“Yeah, hope she likes it. She’s kind of picky.”
“Are you close with your family?”
“We’re all really close, yeah,” she said. “Two sisters, three nieces and a nephew. My parents are great most of the time, and my grandparents are still alive and kicking. How about you?”
I was pleased that her shoulders relaxed. She’d gone back to eating her dinner and was no longer gulping down her wine like she needed an emollient just to listen to me. “Well, my mom died just over a year ago,” I said.
“Oh, I’m sorry.”
“Thanks.”
“So…you’ve had a rough couple years.”
I smiled, because I knew what she was saying…divorce and death of a parent all wrapped up in one. But I appreciated her not specifically mentioning the divorce, though she knew about it from our early chats on the dating site.
“Rough, yeah.”
“Is your father still alive?”
“Yeah, my dad lives in town, and I make sure I talk to him at least once a week, but he doesn’t seem to like me very much these days.”
Bonnie laughed. “What do you mean?”
“Oh, he’s just a grump. He’s getting older and started to get kind of loopy lately, and has been driving me and my sisters crazy. He’s fallen off the seawall in front of his house a couple times, messed up his knee, but he won’t ever admit he needs help, especially from me. It’s frustrating.”
“Oh, wow, that must be hard. Can your sisters help? Is he any better with them?”
I rolled my eyes. “Gwen and Allison, my father actually likes. But one lives in California and another in Colorado. They call me all the time to scold me for not keeping a better eye on our father. Granted, I live in town. But that doesn’t help when my father won’t even let me through his front door half the time. Always acts like I’m invading his privacy just by existing.”
“Oh.” Bonne frowned. “Since he gets along better with your sisters, could one of them move him out to live with them?”
“He wouldn’t go, he loves this town. Plus, they still have small children. Even though they’re older than me, I had my kids super young. So because I live nearby, and have no major responsibilities right now, my sisters think I should move my father in with me.”
“Is that something you’d consider? Moving your father in with you?”
“Yeah, I’ve actually spent the past few months renovating the big garage next to my house into an in-law suite, so he would still have his privacy and independence. We’ll see. Can’t force him to do what he doesn’t want to.”
“Wow, that sounds like a big job. You do it yourself?”
“Got a couple of guys who’ve helped out, local contractors I worked with back when I had my business. But I’ve done a lot of it myself. It’s basically finished, and looks damn nice if I do say so myself. But my dad won’t even come see it. He finds the notion offensive, and accused me of wanting to ‘lock him away in a prison for the crime of getting old.’ Still, at least it’ll be there, just in case he declines, you know? And now my older siblings can’t bitch that I’m doing nothing.”
Chuckling, Bonnie rested a hand on mine. “Sounds like you’re a good son.”
“Sorry if that got heavy. We’re supposed to be having fun.”
“It’s okay.” She squeezed my hand. “Family’s hard.”
“Yeah, it can be.”
Sadness tried to creep in again, and I gently pushed my plate away, picking up my beer. It was always there, lingering in the background when someone brought up family. I’d spent the better part of my life building and raising one, and now it was just…gone, and I wasn’t sure who I was without it. No one needed me anymore. Even my cranky old father rejected my help. It made me feel useless.
“So you’re a builder. We didn’t get around to talking a lot about careers on our last date.” She cleared her throat loudly. “Or much else for that matter.”
I flinched, but then she laughed, and I pointed at her. “You said this was starting over!”
“You’re right, you’re right. I can’t help teasing, it’s just my personality.”
“I am sorry about last time. And I am bad at small talk.”
“You’re doing fine.”
I smiled. “I was a builder, yes.”
“There you go! Expand on that.”
I smirked, happy with her teasing, because it really was helping me relax and open up. “My wife’s brother and I had a business together. He bought me out after the divorce though, thought it would be too awkward.”
“What do you do now?”
Nothing. I do nothing, Bonnie. Still find me interesting? I scrambled to make myself sound like less of a loser than I felt. Because while I was financially padded enough to take my time and figure it out, I actually had no freaking idea what I was doing with my life now. “Still got a few properties in town I own. Small houses I rent out as beach vacation homes. So that keeps me pretty busy.”