I smiled, doing my best to hide the sudden fear that perhaps I wasn’t ready. I might never be ready. I might never find the words to—
“Is that for us?” Jareth asked, his voice deceptively lazy and cool. “’Cause I’m starving.”
He broke the spell. Gemma stepped away from me and held up the bowls while nudging the pill packet on the carpet with her toe. “It’s the last of my supplies. I figured you had a long hike. You’d want more than just bare necessities.”
Jareth came forward and scooped the painkillers from the floor and took a bowl from Gemma. “Appreciate it.”
It didn’t escape my notice that she tensed when his fingers brushed hers. Or the way her gaze stayed on him the entire time he moved across the room and sat back in his chair by the unlit fireplace.
“It’s okay,” I breathed. “He won’t hurt you.”
She glanced at me as I added, “I won’t hurt you, either. Never again. You have my absolute word. You’re safe...from both of us.”
She nodded slowly, giving me a brave smile. “I know.” Stepping into me, she pecked my cheek before scooting around me and heading toward the coffee table. Placing the two bowls down, she sat and patted the couch beside her.
Jareth poured a handful of painkillers into his mouth and swallowed them dry. Gemma sat prim and regal even in a nightgown hidden beneath a hoodie. A scene of simplicity and normalcy, yet it was as fantastical to me as the books in the library.
My head ached as I headed toward Gem.
My mouth watered for other things than pasta.
My mind still struggled to segment past, present, and future.
But as I sat beside her, as she reached for my hand and handed me a bowl of food she’d prepared, my heart burst inside my chest.
How fucking lucky was I?
A meal.
A meal shared by two people I loved.
A meal that hopefully symbolized something new.
CHAPTER FIVE
I WOKE TO A noise.
Sunlight blinded me from the glass roof of the conservatory, hinting it was early afternoon. Memories of the past few hours came back in pieces.
Sharing a meal with Kas and Jareth. The strained small talk between people who had far too much heaviness to speak about light. And the inevitable exhaustion that ensured we all slinked away to find somewhere to sleep once our stomachs were full.
Kas had waited until Jareth had left the room. Neither of us had asked where he’d sleep, and he hadn’t volunteered that information. I didn’t know how successful I’d be at relaxing with him in the house, but Kas had pulled me into a hug and held me, distracting me from everything else but his smell, his heat, his nearness.
A simple, wonderful hug that I didn’t think he’d ever be capable of.
He’d grunted as if shocked he’d done such a thing.
As if a hug was a different language he’d forgotten how to speak.
I melted into him.
All my worries and struggles—from every day since I’d found this valley—went up in smoke thanks to his incredible arms around me.
I’d been hugged before, but I’d never felt how I did in Kas’s arms.
I felt...treasured.
Wanted.
Worshiped.
I’d hugged him back, binding my arms around his waist, the chain belt he wore digging in my skin.
We’d stood like that forever.
Both of us swaying with tiredness.
I wanted to go to bed together. To sleep in his arms and wake up to his kisses. We needed to talk. Tonight felt different. It felt as if he was finally ready to face what he was dealing with, and I didn’t want to let that gift go.
But when he’d pulled away and kissed me gently, his eyes were black with pain and weariness. Whatever mental wounds he still had from his concussion had pushed him past conversation.
If he didn’t sleep, he’d black out. And if he blacked out, who knew if all this incredible progress would be deleted.
I wanted him too much to push him too hard.
I could be patient now that he’d given me a glimmer of hope.
I’d placed the remaining painkillers into his fist and tugged him toward my blankets in the conservatory. But he’d pulled against my invitation, giving me a heart-breaking smile. “I promise you, I’m ready to face what I’ve been running from. I want to ask what happened between us in the library. I want to know what happened in the bath we shared, seeing as I still can’t remember. I’m ready to be with you, Gem. But...I still can’t sleep with you.”
I’d opened my mouth to argue, but he merely pressed a finger to my lips. “I don’t want to hurt you. And after tonight...after Jareth’s return and everything else, I can’t guarantee your safety.” His eyes had been so gentle. The kindest I’d ever seen.
Whatever had switched inside him made faith blaze bright in my chest. It promised that all my struggles and trials where this man was concerned were justified. He wasn’t just beginning to live again, he was choosing to.
He was choosing me over death.
Choosing hope over loss.
Choosing happiness over misery.
So I did the only thing I could. I kissed him good night. I watched him head toward the staff stairs to the dorm, then snuggled into my makeshift bedroom in the conservatory and fell asleep.
How many hours had passed since then?
Was Kas still asleep or—
The noise came again.
The same noise that’d woken me. Heavy and violent. A bang or a thud.
Fear flew down my legs.
Kas.
Ripping off my blankets, I shot to my feet and headed into the foyer. The sun shone through the windows and skylights, but the air was cool, feeling more autumn than summer. My hoodie offered some protection, but I still hugged myself as I padded over cold marble, my ears pricking for another sound.
It came again, louder this time, closer.
I broke into a run.
What if Jareth was doing something he shouldn’t? What if Kas was in trouble?
Darting down the corridor toward the kitchen, I slammed to a stop as I found the back door wide open.
Kas never left it open.
Stepping outside, I peered into the bright sunshine.
There.
A figure in the distance, running as if coyotes were hunting him.
Kas.
Where the hell is he going this time?
Panic flared. Watching him vanish into the woods reminded me too much of last night. Of him running from me just as we were about to have sex. The way he’d retched and acted like a man at the end of his limit. A man with no other option.
Surely, after what he’d said before we went to bed, he wouldn’t do anything stupid. He had me now. He’d accepted he had me. He wouldn’t hurt himself or look for a permanent way out.
Would he?
“Kas!” My body chose the only option; I ran.
I flew out of the kitchen and gave chase.
My sore feet from running barefoot last night bellowed in discomfort as twigs and debris poked me. But it didn’t stop me. I didn’t slow. Worry drove me. Worry and fear and the need to help the man I loved.
I kept running as Kas vanished into the thicker trees, doing my best to follow and not lose him. Shadows fell over me from leaf-falling branches. The chill in the air wrapped around me as I charged into the forest after him.
My skin prickled as he slowed up ahead.