This cannot be real.
What I thought were just balls of lights hanging from the gymnasium ceiling are actually layers of shimmering white balloons of various sizes. Layer by layer, they’re unleashed like snow, falling slowly, tauntingly, down toward the dance floor.
Giggles and shrieks fill the air as balloons of all sizes cascade around us until they are everywhere. Some have fallen to the floor, while others hang from short strings and remain suspended at different levels above our heads. Then it all hits me. There’s no Erebus. There’s no threat.
It’s just a prank.
A bubble of laughter escapes my throat as I take in the scene. If this isn’t a winter wonderland, then I don’t know what is.
The grin that pulls on my cheeks could shatter my bones. I’m fully aware that I must be the only stationary person on this dance floor, but I don’t care. I love watching the smiling faces of people moving in time to the techno beat. When I feel Alec’s arms move around me, my body reacts to the music too. I move my hips, and his grip gets tighter. I back up into him, and he leans into my neck and runs his nose from my collarbone up to my ear.
I giggle at the affection, something I normally don’t give into with Alec in public. But there’s something different about him tonight. Something infectious. Something… familiar. All my senses buzz to life. I remember this feeling.
Wait a second…
Almost as soon as I’ve released all the tension that racked me moments ago, I realize I let down my guard too soon. I turn around to find a tall man in a black suit. I don’t look up as far as his eyes, but I see the bottom of a black mask. Heat rips through me, and I squeeze my eyes shut as a familiar cloud of darkness hovers over me. As alert and alive as I feel in this moment, I’m unable to control the simple pace of my breaths as I’m locked under his spell.
I shake my head, hoping to rid myself of the sensation that has suddenly taken over every fiber of my being. I can feel myself drowning beneath my racing blood and pounding pulse. Without thinking, I reach out for something, anything, to steady myself. My hands land on a hard, sculpted chest. My fingertips burn and sizzle at the touch, but I can’t pull my hands away. It’s like they’re glued to the blistering surface.
I don’t need to open my eyes to know this man who has such an intense hold over me. It doesn’t help that he makes no attempt to move. He just stands there, as still as a board, like he’s waiting for me to acknowledge him.
The muscles beneath his shirt flinch, causing my heart to jump. My mind screams for me to run in the other direction, but I’m paralyzed by his scent, which brings a flood of memories with it. I’m trapped in his gravitational pull, just like before. But I can’t bring myself to look up into the face of the man I’ve literally, and fervently, fallen into.
Am I dreaming?
So many thoughts and emotions keep me from looking up into the icicle gaze I know I’ll find. If I do, that means it’s real, and if it’s real, that means all these feelings will turn into guilt the moment I lay eyes on him.
As if he can feel my hesitation, he hooks an arm around my waist and pulls me closer. I make no move to resist as our bodies press together, his massive build dwarfing mine. I remember this feeling all too well. He always seemed to steal the air in all the space we shared. And just like before, wild flutters release from deep in my belly. I’m not sure I can handle the emotions running through me—like rapids at ultimate velocity. If I look up and see those piercing blue eyes, I’ll stand no chance against them, so I keep them closed.
I’m not sure how long I stand there, my fingertips digging into where they’re planted, before anger and guilt begins to seep from my pores. Months of deep sadness, intense fury, and resentment at the way he walked away wash over me like the wave on Fourth of July.
He starts to sway, and I don’t know why I sway with him. I’m like a damn puppet, controlled by her master when we both know I’m physically the strongest one between the two of us. But physical strength is no match for the emotional connection that chains me to this man like a prisoner in a king’s tower of lavish riches.
So we sway together, uncaring that our rhythm doesn’t match the fast song, and that everyone around us is jumping and thrashing around wildly, while balloons bounce among the chaos.
He grasps my chin gently and tilts my head up, leaving a blaze of fire on my skin. If my eyelids weren’t pressed together so tightly, I would be looking into his eyes right now. Just the feel of his breath on my face makes my inhalation skip through the air like rocks on a pond. Never in my life have I feared wanting something so much.
“I want to see you.” His deep voice comes out as just a whisper, but it rattles through me as if he spoke the words directly onto my soul.
My mind is spinning, my heart aching, but it’s like he’s just given me a pocket of air to breathe. My eyelids flutter open, and his desirous gaze surfs straight to my core. He’s really here.
“Johnny, I—” My words are choked by emotion. I’m unsure what I will say to him after all this time. Do I even know this person anymore? Does it matter? I’m with Alec now.
With a single beat, the band switches from the last chord of a techno tune to the first slow song I’ve heard all night. Of course. I should be dancing with Alec, yet here I am, in Johnny’s arms. All guilt aside, this is exactly where I want to be.
Our bodies react to one another, synchronizing without any effort at all, as we move to the cover song of “Heartbreak Anniversary” by Giveon. How appropriate.
Johnny slides his thumb up my cheek and brings his face closer to mine. I know what he’s doing. I’ve relived every kiss we shared enough to remember what this feels like. But things are different now, and I’m wiser. I thought what we had was the start of forever, when in reality, we never even had a chance to begin.
“Stop. I can’t do this.” I break apart from his hold although it tortures me to do so. As much as I’ve hoped and prayed for his return, we can’t share a moment like this. “Things have changed,” I murmur, my voice barely a whisper.
His eyes dim, like it’s me who just hurt him. “Please, Kat. I—”
“Please, Kat, what?” I want to scream. “Did you really think you could just waltz back into my life and expect us to pick up where we left off? Where have you been? Why didn’t you call?”
“It’s complicated, and I want to explain everything, but you should know why I’m here first. I’m afraid we’re running out of time.”
His words are like a slap in the face. I thought he was here to see me. To apologize for disappearing from my life like he was only ever just visiting. I straighten my shoulders. “Why are you here, Johnny? What was so important?”
His eyes move back and forth, as if he’s debating what to say before finally opening his mouth.
“What the hell is going on?” Alec storms angrily through a bunch of balloons, punching the last one in his fury to reach us. Kaleb comes up behind him, his eyes darting among the three of us, confusion evident on his face.
My heart continues to race, even after I’ve broken my hold on Johnny. Now it’s racing for a completely different reason. Alec is furious.
Alec and Johnny stare each other down. I imagine Alec is expecting an answer while Johnny contemplates giving him one.