Fat chance of that happening.
“Yes,” I answer her, trying not to get overwhelmed, though it feels impossible. “I’ll remember to do it. Thanks.”
With a nod, she squats down to Peanut’s car seat. “I’ll see you around, little girl. Don’t give your mama too much trouble, okay?” Brushing her finger against Peanut’s dimples, Stephanie smiles softly and stands back up. “She really is the cutest thing ever.”
“I know.” My mouth curves up in the corner as my chest swells with pride. I might not deserve to be a mom, but I didn’t know it was possible to love someone so deeply until I held her in my arms.
“Thanks again for everything,” I add. “I couldn’t have done this without you.”
She waves me off. “It’s my job, Maddie. I’m happy to help. But don’t be a stranger, ya hear?”
Hooking my arm beneath the large plastic handle of the car seat, I reply, “I definitely won’t be.”
We walk out of the NICU side by side until we reach the hospital’s exit. The cool air hits my cheeks, but I breathe it in, letting it ground me as I face my future. Alone.
“Where’s your car parked?” Stephanie asks.
I point to the right parking area. “It’s over there.”
“I’ll wait here with Peanut while you bring the car around.”
“I can take her––”
“Sorry, Maddie. Rules are rules. I have to make sure the car seat base is installed properly.”
“Oh.” I tuck my hair behind my ear and set the car seat by Stephanie’s feet. “Okay. I’ll, uh, I’ll be right back.”
By myself, I trek across the parking lot, anxious to get my car and pick up Peanut as fast as I can.
Is it weird I already miss her?
As I scan the parking lot, my brows furrow.
Where the hell is my car?
I could’ve sworn I’d parked it––
“Over here,” a familiar, gruff voice calls.
My head snaps up, and my heart lodges in my throat as I search the parking lot for the voice’s owner. Rows and rows of cars litter the black pavement, but I don’t see a motorcycle parked anywhere. Or at least, not one belonging to the familiar voice.
The driver’s side door of a black hatchback pushes open a few seconds later, its window still rolled down as Milo unfolds himself from the car.
“M-Milo?” I stutter, confused.
“Get in the car,” he orders, slamming the driver’s side door to the dark Subaru definitely not belonging to him while we were dating.
I hook my thumb over my shoulder. “But my car––”
“Is at my place.”
Jingling the keys in my hand, I counter, “How? Dove dropped these off yesterday.”
“You had a spare at your old apartment. Now, can we stop with the interrogation and get in the damn car?”
My nostrils flare as I give in and trudge a few feet closer.
“Where is she?” he grunts, the hinges smooth as butter as he pulls open the passenger door for me.
Lips pursed, I climb inside and mutter, “She’s with the nurse.”
“Why? I thought we could take her home today.”
We.
I look back at him, but he avoids my gaze. Hell, he can barely string a sentence together because he’s so pissed at me, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Still…
I clear my throat. “They, uh, they have to make sure the car seat base is installed properly before they let me leave with her, which is a problem because…” I motion to the back seat, surprised when I find an exact replica of the one I’d installed in the back seat of my car sitting in the center seat of Milo’s. “Oh.”
Apparently, he’s thought of everything.
Without a word, he gets back in the car and shoves it into drive, pulling up to the front of the hospital.
Stephanie waves when she sees me, cocking her head to one side as she studies the man behind the wheel. The man she’s never met. The man she’s never bothered to ask about. The man I’ve never really acknowledged or accepted would be involved in this whole parenting thing because…why would he?
After shoving the car into park, Milo pushes his door open, strides over to Stephanie, and reaches for the covered car seat, snatching the behemoth off the ground as if it only weighs a couple pounds and stalks back to the car. Again, silent. And again, she looks at me with wide eyes.
“It’s okay,” I mouth to her while I climb out of the car in hopes of keeping her from calling the cops on the bastard. You’d think he was raised by wolves.
“Milo, this is Stephanie.” I wave my hand between the two of them. “Stephanie, this is Milo.”
“Nice to meet you,” she offers.
He lifts his chin, a bit of his iciness melting. “You too.”
“Do you know how to buckle her in?” she asks.
Flinging the back door open, he points to the car seat base he’s installed. “I just snap it in, right?”
Stephanie crawls into the back seat and examines Milo’s installation. “Yes, this looks great.”
His stupid muscles bunch and flex beneath his soft black T-shirt. The one sporting the Etch ‘N Ink logo, the tattoo parlor where he works, as he sets Peanut’s car seat in the base. When it clicks into place, he tugs at the blanket enveloping her and looks down at her pouty little lips and smooth, porcelain skin.
Again, he doesn’t say a word.
He simply…studies her.
I wish I knew what he was thinking. I wish I knew whether or not he’s planning to hold my sins against her. I wish I knew if he really is Peanut’s father or if I’m imagining their similarities. Their matching dimples. Their matching eyes.
I wish I knew a lot of things, but I’m too much of a coward to dig into any of them to find answers.
“What’s her name?” he murmurs, his voice low and gritty.
“I, uh…” I rock back on my heels and fold my arms, kicking a stray pebble with the toe of my white Nikes while ignoring Stephanie’s curious stare. “I still haven’t decided.”
He shakes his head, closes the back door and tilts his head toward the passenger seat. “You gonna get in?”
“Yup. Be right there.”
With a brisk nod, he turns to Stephanie. “Thanks.”
Being given a glimpse of the non-asshole side of Milo, she smiles. “No problem.”
His door slams shut.
“Well, I guess this is it,” I announce.
She wraps me in a warm hug. “Don’t be a stranger, ya hear?”
“Of course not. Thanks again. For everything.”
“Anytime.” Smirking, Stephanie adds, “And good luck with…him.”
I laugh dryly, hating how close I am to tears while praying she can’t tell I’m seconds from having a panic attack. “Thanks.”
Without another word, I yank on the handle and slip into the leather seat.
This is going to be interesting.
4
Maddie
The silence is stifling as Milo pulls out of the hospital’s parking lot, and I’m not sure how long I can take it.