Considering that Mackenzie was a math major, that wasn’t very often. Pacey’s minor was in math, too. That was how the two of them had started spending so much time together—and they ended up falling in love.
I seriously loved them as a couple and still couldn’t believe that I’d thought I loved Pacey the way Mackenzie did. Didn’t make any sense to me. Apparently, I had latched onto the one person in my life who acted as a book boyfriend but was only the best friend.
He was a British dreamboat, but I had swooned for the wrong person.
“Did you get to the final book?” Mackenzie asked.
I looked over at her. “Not yet. I have a paper due, so I had to put down fictional fairies at college boarding schools. Which doesn’t make sense because they’re just training to be warriors anyway.” I could go on about the book’s plot and how much I loved it despite its flaws, but I held back.
Mackenzie cringed. “I have a paper coming up, as well, but it has nothing to do with math. And I kind of hate myself for letting this class wait until my final year.”
“At least you didn’t wait till the final semester. I still have a couple of gen-ed classes that I waited to fill in until this year. The thought being that I wouldn’t be doing all of my difficult courses at once. Sadly, I feel like it backfired and caused me not to focus on what I want to.”
“Reading can be part of your focus.” Mackenzie smiled. “English majors write. And they read. I don’t get to have fun in fiction these days.”
I shrugged. “This semester is more about creating than reading. And it’s sometimes a little daunting.” I couldn’t believe I had said that out loud, but I couldn’t blame my words on drinking since I’d only had the one.
“If you need anything this semester, you know you only have to ask,” Mackenzie said after a moment.
I nodded at her. “I know. I know all of you would. Seriously, though, thank you.”
“Always. Now, I need to go find Pacey because he promised he would play a certain song, and I haven’t heard it yet tonight.” She winked.
I shook my head. “Go get him. I know Sasha’s here tonight, so he’s probably hanging out with her and reminiscing about his time across the pond.”
Mackenzie rolled her eyes. “Seriously. I can’t believe him sometimes. Hey, did he tell you that we might be going to London for Christmas?” She practically bounced on her toes.
I blinked. “Really?” I asked, trying not to let my voice squeak—I think I failed.
Mackenzie was too excited to notice. “Yes, his dad and his girlfriend—or Pacey’s new stepmom, I guess—went back to London, and I know Pacey is trying to work things out. By Christmastime, there’ll be a new baby. Pacey was thinking of heading over there for the holidays and asked me to go with him.”
“That’s a huge deal, and that’s awesome,” I said, meaning it.
“I know. Somehow, his father invited my parents. Now, it’s a whole thing,” Mackenzie said with a wince.
That was a whole thing, but it sounded nice. Like a real family. “Interesting.” I held back a laugh at the look on my friend’s face.
“We’re trying to make it work. I don’t know. But I get to see London. And Big Ben and all of that. I’m just excited. As long as I get to spend the holidays with Pacey, I’m happy.”
“It’ll be fantastic. Just pack me away in your luggage where you can.” I nearly winced at the awkwardness.
“You know, I’m sure…” Mackenzie began.
I shook my head. “No. There’s no way I can afford it, nor will I let anyone pay for me,” I countered quickly before she could add anything. “And don’t worry. I’m probably going to have tons of other things to work on. Plus, the bookstore still has holiday hours during that time.”
“Okay, sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it,” she said. “I’m such a dork.”
I shook my head. “It’s fine. I’m fine. Now, go find Pacey. Get that song. I am going to get another beer. And then maybe I’ll head home and work on that paper.”
She raised her brow. “Working while drinking? That’s not normally like you.”
“I’d say I’m turning over a new leaf, but that would probably be an issue if it were true. I need to think about what I want to write. Since it’s not coming to me, I’m going to enjoy myself. It’s not as if the paper is due tomorrow.”
She studied my face and then nodded. “Okay, I guess I’m going to go.”
“Go,” I said, hating the tension. It wasn’t Mackenzie’s fault. It was mine. My friend smiled softly before heading to Pacey, and I let out a breath, telling myself to cut out the bullshit and be happy.
I looked down at my empty cup and figured I needed another beer. Or four. I could probably sleep on someone’s couch. Or, one of my other roommates—Natalie or Elise—could get me home. Of course, Elise and Mackenzie were probably spending the night here since they were dating people who lived in the house. I’d have to find Natalie and make sure she got me home safely if I drank too much. Or I could Uber it, I guessed. It didn’t matter. I could take care of myself. I always had, and I always would.
I turned the corner and ran into a very hard chest, looking up to see Miles. He had his glasses on, making his face look far hotter than I’d let myself notice before, and I blinked up at him.
“You’re wearing your glasses,” I blurted. I could have rightly kicked myself.
His lips quirked into a smile, and I did my best not to look at them directly. I remembered the last time I had been up close and personal with Miles’ mouth. Only no one knew I’d been so close to those particular lips. And no one ever would. I did my best to pretend I didn’t remember, and he hadn’t mentioned it. I had been drunk—oh, so fucking drunk—and had made one stupid decision after another.
I’d felt poorly about myself; like I couldn’t do anything right. It hadn’t helped that my life had changed instantly, and it had nothing to do with school and everything to do with what I had been hiding from even myself.
I’d had too many drinks that night. Had nearly gotten into a very compromising situation with a guy whose name I still didn’t remember and ended up practically falling on the floor in front of Miles. He had tucked me into bed and kept me safe. And when I had wanted to change everything, to prove that I was fine—even though I hadn’t been anywhere close—I had kissed him. Right on the mouth. Sweet and hot and so wrong. A horrible mistake that I wouldn’t make again.
Miles was nice. He was a nice guy without being the token nice guy who believed he needed and deserved every girl he was nice to. He was just a good guy. And maybe that was a better descriptor for him. He was a good guy. A good person and a good man.
I would pretend I had never kissed him because it was already awkward as hell. Why shouldn’t I continue being uncomfortable?
“It was a high pollen day, and I didn’t feel like putting in my contacts. I do wear glasses. You’ve seen them,” he said, his voice low.
The other roommates, Dillon and Tanner, always said that Miles was the nerdy one, mostly because Miles was their nerdy roommate and had given himself the label. His glasses and maybe his hobbies were the only nerdy things about him, though. He was tall, built, broad with muscle, and hard…everywhere.