She felt powerful arms lift her up and put her in a harness. She had been soaked by the icy water, and felt herself suddenly flying over the river and pulled into a helicopter. Rescue workers instantly wrapped thermal blankets around her, and she managed to choke out the words, “My husband…he’s still down there…you have to get him…” She tried to pull away from them to point to where she’d last seen him. It was a tangle of boats and rafts. The Coast Guard was on the scene by then with divers in the water. She was sure that they would find him.
Maggie was lying on the floor of the helicopter with rescue workers around her while they flew her to a hospital in New Jersey, along with other passengers lying beside her. One of them, an older man, was dead by the time they landed. Maggie had lost consciousness by then.
It was hours before the search ended. Seventy-two people had been rescued and survived, forty-nine had died, including the captain and two crew members, who had died bravely trying to save the passengers.
Aden was watching it all on TV at the friend’s home where he was staying. He had no idea if his parents were alive, and he was sobbing as he watched the horror of it in the midst of the snowstorm, with rescue boats bobbing everywhere. They had recovered as many people as they could, but several had gone down in the icy waters.
Maggie called Aden three hours later, when she was conscious enough to do so, and she told him the terrible news that his father had died. They had recovered his body, but he had drowned. She had severe hypothermia herself, but they had managed to warm her and save her. Aden was still crying when she had to hang up, unable to speak any longer and shaking violently. She wanted to go home to him, but it was another three days before they would release her from the hospital and send her back to Chicago by air ambulance. Maggie was flown to a hospital in Chicago to be checked again before she was released. Aden had wanted to meet her there, but she knew it would be chaotic and traumatic for him, and she insisted that he wait for her at his friend’s house.
When she came to pick Aden up, she looked like a ghost. It brought back all her worst memories of her own childhood, when her father had died, and later when her brother was killed in Iraq. And now it had happened again. A simple, easy trip to New York had turned into a nightmare. She and Aden went home to their silent house. They had already brought their Christmas tree home, but hadn’t set it up yet, and left it tied up in the garage, along with the lights they didn’t use that year. Maggie dragged the bare tree out to the trash on Christmas Day.
Brad’s funeral was a week before Christmas. They buried him with his parents in the family plot. Maggie’s mother was buried nearby in the same cemetery, and the only family she and Aden had now was each other. He was inconsolable, and the entire community rallied around them, brought them food, and offered to do anything they could to help. Aden and Maggie ignored Christmas entirely, and kept to themselves, mourning Brad. She wished she had her mother to talk to, to teach her how to be a widow. She had no idea what to do next. She was consumed with guilt that she had survived and Brad hadn’t. The questions went round and round in her head. Why had he fallen overboard? Why didn’t someone pull him out of the water? Why was she still alive? She had no one to talk to about it, as she lay in bed thinking for hours every night and then wandering around the house. She hadn’t even seen him slip out of the boat, and then suddenly he was in the water. She couldn’t imagine her life, or Aden’s, without him. Their life had seemed so perfect, and now everything was shattered. The airline had offered to arrange counseling for her, but she didn’t feel ready for it yet.
Despite what they were living through, she helped Aden with his college applications during the Christmas vacation. They went for long walks together, and a few of Aden’s closest friends came over. They sat quietly in his room, and he finally went out to dinner with them one night. Maggie sat alone in the house, and then looked into Brad’s closets, as though she still expected him to come home and tell her it was all a mistake and he’d been taken to a different hospital. It just didn’t seem possible that Brad had left her, as her father and brother had. They lived such a sane, careful life. They took no risks, did nothing dangerous. She had loved him for twenty years, and now he was gone.
The house felt like a tomb when Aden went back to school. Brad’s office manager wanted to speak to Maggie, but she told him she just couldn’t. She had no words for anyone. People were still leaving baskets of food on their doorstep, afraid to ring the doorbell. But she couldn’t eat any of it. She couldn’t imagine how their life would ever be normal again. She tried to be as functional as she could for Aden, but she felt like she was hanging by a thread.
Aden had somehow managed to get his college applications in on time, although he was telling her that he didn’t care about college now. She had been nine when she lost her father and Aden was seventeen, still a boy in so many ways. How was she going to be both mother and father to him? Just living and breathing seemed nearly impossible. She was doing it but didn’t know how.
She was sitting in their living room, staring into space in her nightgown, when one of the mothers from Aden’s hockey team texted her that she was going to drop by, and then bravely rang her doorbell. Maggie didn’t answer at first, and then finally opened it and stood there staring at her. There was no one in the world she wanted to speak to. She and Helen Watson weren’t close, but Maggie had always liked her.
They stared at each other for a moment, and Helen spoke softly. “What can I do to help?”
“Nothing,” Maggie said bleakly, understanding better now how disconnected her mother had been for years after Maggie’s father died. “There’s nothing anyone can do.”
“Make beds? Do dishes? Cook dinner?” she offered, as Maggie smiled, stood back, and invited her in. She didn’t really want to, but she didn’t want to be rude. Helen was a nice woman.
“Everything’s a mess. I haven’t done laundry or made a bed since…it happened.” She still couldn’t say the words yet.
“I worked my way through college as a maid at the Four Seasons,” Helen said with a smile. “You don’t even have to tip me.” Maggie laughed for the first time in weeks and the sound was unfamiliar to her. She felt as if she were lost in a strange new world, like Alice in Wonderland down the rabbit hole. It was suddenly a relief to have someone there with her. Maggie followed her around, feeling lost. Helen made her a cup of tea and handed it to her. She rinsed Aden’s breakfast dishes in the sink and put them in the dishwasher and made order in the kitchen, while Maggie watched her. Helen opened the fridge, full of untouched casseroles and rotting fruit. She threw most of it away, then made cinnamon toast for Maggie, and went upstairs to make the beds, as Maggie trailed after her, looking embarrassed.
“I’m sorry, everything is such a mess…me mostly.”
“It would be weird if you weren’t,” Helen said softly. “My identical twin sister died of meningitis when we were in college. I was a mess for months. You’ll get through this, Maggie, I promise you. You just have to take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, or five minutes. I’m really sorry.” Maggie nodded as tears filled her eyes.