“I won’t go back there. I’ll pike off, in truth, sir, and not even the lads will be able to find me. I have me wages.” Ire made Benny less careful with her diction, but especially now, she must not return to the place she’d once called home.
“Benny, I forbid you to take to the stews. You can still impersonate a boy for some time, but boys on the streets aren’t much safer than girls. Eventually, somebody will uncover the truth of your situation.”
The colonel’s order came as pathetic relief, for Benny would never disobey a direct command. “I don’t want to go, sir. This is me home.”
“All children leave home eventually, Benny, though if it were up to me, I’m not ready to part with you either. Is there a profession you’d like to pursue? A trade or calling?”
“I want to read better. Miss Ann shows me words when we sit in the garden together. And she knows French and German and Eye-talian. I sometimes help out at the Coventry when my chores are done here.”
The colonel shook the abacus so all the beads slid to one side. “The Coventry is a glorified gaming hell, Benny. Not a place I’d like to see you employed.”
“Meaning no disrespect, but it’s a supper club, sir, and the dishes Miss Ann makes… She says spices are the secret, but she knows about more than spices. She gave me a crepe once, with cream and blueberries… all hot and buttery. I dream about the crepe.”
“You smile when you describe it.”
Was smiling a bad thing? The colonel never smiled, and he certainly wasn’t smiling now, so perhaps it was. “You’d smile, too, sir, if ever you did eat one of Miss Ann’s crepes.”
“I daresay I would. We should move you out of the dormitory, Benny.”
“Then they’ll all know.”
“A lady is entitled to some privacy.”
“I ain’t… I am not a lady.”
The colonel rose, and because he’d not given Benny leave to stand, she remained in her chair, and that made the colonel very tall indeed. Benny had never been afraid of the colonel, but she respected him rather a lot.
“That’s the thing, young Benevolence Hannah,” colonel said, resuming his perch against the desk. “You are a lady, maybe not in the sense of a fancy lord’s daughter is, but in the sense that you are owed respect and protection. You are a lady, and you must never forget that.”
Benny had deceived this man for years, and she would not deceive him now. “Me mam weren’t a lady.”
“She is deceased?”
“Dunno. Don’t care.” Had stopped caring the moment Mama had kissed Benny’s cheek, told her to be good for Madame, and stepped into her fancy lord’s coach.
“My father nearly died a bankrupt, Benny. Only my sister’s timely marriage cleared my family’s debts and let me buy my colors. Papa could well have expired in debtors’ prison, in which case I would have been making my way on the streets as you did. You are not your mother, and the great lot of people who matter in this life won’t know or care about your origins.”
Benny wasn’t sure what that speech was about, but the idea that the colonel could have ended up on the streets fascinated her.
“Miss Ann said I wasn’t to worry. That you wouldn’t toss me out.”
“But you did worry, and I’m sorry for that. Miss Ann will call here later this week, and she might have some ideas where you’re concerned. You cannot sleep in the dormitory again, Benny. Wouldn’t be decent.”
“I’ll sleep in the stable, sir. Otter’s farts are prodigious ripe. He favors the cabbage, he does. Eats it on purpose and then abuses us all night with the stink.”
“Boys can be awful,” the colonel said, gaze on the abacus. “You mustn’t tell them I said that, and you will not sleep in the stable. I’ve asked the housekeeper if you can bide with her and her daughter at night if we can’t find some other arrangement for you.”
Mrs. Murphy was a good soul. She did not care for mud, and she was always blessing everybody’s heart, but she laughed a lot and never begrudged a boy—a child—a slice of buttered bread.
Benny stood. “I’m not to be tossed out, then?”
“Never. You belong with us, Benny. You might take a position as a cook’s apprentice if Miss Ann can find you one, you might go to work for a baker or as an under-nurserymaid, but we are your family, and you will always have a home with us.”
“I’ll have to start wearing girl clothes.” This, along with regular applications of soap and water, was not an entirely unwelcome prospect.
“We all don the uniform of the regiment we’re assigned to, Benny. You will face many adjustments, but you’ve already shown me that you are resilient, clever, and determined. Think of Miss Ann’s crepes, and do what you must to learn how to make them for yourself.”
“Make crepes, sir?” That possibility intrigued as a wildest dream intrigued. “You think I could?”
“In time, if you apply yourself, but I cannot speak for Miss Ann’s willingness to teach you. Mrs. Murphy will take you ’round the shops this morning and find you some appropriate clothing, but, Benny, how does this situation sit with the boys?”
“Ask Otter. He mighta told ’em all without lettin’ on. I should do my chores now, sir.”
In the stable, Benny could rejoice in the knowledge that she wasn’t to be cast back into the streets. In the stable, she could be relieved and happy and tell the horses and cats her good fortune.
“Do your chores today, but we’ll have to reconsider assignments once you start wearing skirts. Mrs. Murphy can doubtless use more help in the kitchen for the nonce.”
“I still want to rake the barn aisle morning and night, sir.”
“You want to feed the damned cats.”
“Aye, sir.”
The colonel pushed to his feet, his countenance going quite stern. “You may be excused, but, Benny, I meant what I said.”
“Sir?”
“This is your home, we are your regiment. If you take a mad fit and commit regicide, the first place you turn for help is here. If you gamble away the crown jewels, you come here to lament your folly. Do we have an understanding?”
Not exactly. Benny wasn’t sure what committing regi-whatever meant, but she grasped that the colonel was saying something man-fashion that had to do with belonging and safety.
With caring.
She darted across the room before her courage deserted her, seized the colonel in a hug, which was like hugging one of the oak beams that held up the barn roof, and then scampered for the door. She wasn’t to be sent away, and someday, she might learn to make blueberry crepes.
As she pulled the door closed behind her, Benny made a mental note to ask Miss Ann what resilient meant. The colonel had said the word as if it were a good thing, so Benny wanted to know what it signified.
“Six courses,” Ann said, quite firmly. “The traditional progression plus cordials after the dessert.”
“No extra removes?” Aunt Melisande asked. “At Helene Craighead’s last formal dinner, she had extra removes and another cold dish after the entrées. People talked about her extravagance for a week.”