“I happen to know a lot about having fun, being queer, and being happy. I’ll show him the ropes.” Now Will looked a little nervous.
“I don’t know… Jonathan is…Jonathan.”
Whatever the fuck that meant.
“For what it’s worth, I think it’s a good idea,” Elijah added. “Danny’s good with people, and taking them under his wing. He did it with me. I bet it’d be good for Jonathan.”
I suddenly felt like I was getting in over my head, but I wouldn’t back out now.
“He probably won’t do it,” Will said. “He’ll see it as you feeling sorry for him or something.”
“Tell him I’m looking for a roommate and need help with the bills. Problem solved. He seems like the fixer type. He’d want to help if he thinks I’m the one who needs it.”
“Um…how the fuck do you know that about him? You’ve met him for like five seconds.”
“Because, baby, I’m that good.” I winked at Will, and Jameson threw a pea from his rice at me, making us laugh. “Ask him. If he says yes, give him my number. Or you can just give him my number, and I’ll talk to him. If he doesn’t go for it, then it wasn’t meant to be.”
Will agreed, and while we continued eating, I thought about Jonathan, about how shy he’d seemed at Will and Jameson’s that day, how quiet his deep voice had been, how he’d opened up a little more as we talked football and other random shit. I suddenly found myself really hoping I was going to have a new roommate soon.
CHAPTER THREE
Jonathan
“Your friend wants me to move in with him?”
Will rolled his eyes. “He wasn’t like, Oh please, Will, can you get your brother to live with me or my life will never be complete, or anything. We were at BFF Tuesdays the other day.”
“Wait. What the fuck is a BFF Tuesday?” Fitting in with Will was one of the things I struggled with. My friends and I didn’t talk like that. We didn’t call each other BFF or have BFF anything, and we sure as shit didn’t consistently do it on Tuesdays. But then, some of my friends stopped speaking to me when I came out, so there was that.
“Shit! Did I forget to tell you that part of the gay agenda?” Will said, and it was my turn to roll my eyes. “It’s dinner on a Tuesday, something Danny and Elijah started forever ago. Sometimes it’s just them, but others we all go. That’s not the point. Danny has a two-bedroom apartment, and he’s looking for a roommate to help pay the rent. I mentioned you were in the market for a place to live, and he offered, to be nice, because that’s the kind of thing people do. Plus, it’ll help him out, ya know? Save some money and all that. I figured it would be perfect because…”
“Because we’re both gay?”
“Yes, actually.”
Rubbing a hand over my face, I groaned. “I don’t know about this. It feels weird, like he feels bad for me—your older gay brother who treated you like shit your whole life while hiding in the closet.”
“What? No.” Will shook his head. We were in the condo he shared with Jameson, after we’d spent some time hanging out. I still couldn’t understand how he could forgive me at all, but he had, and this was my second time seeing him since the conversation with Nolan and Brad about taking a break. “First of all, like I said, this helps Danny too. He’s got an empty room sitting there and half the rent someone else could pay. Makes sense. But I want to explain something else to you. Danny isn’t just my friend; he’s yours too if you’ll let him. You guys talked quite a bit when everyone was here over winter break. The thing is, Jonathan, and this is something I hope you’ll learn, but queer people? We try and stick together. Now, that doesn’t mean we don’t have our own drama and we all get along with each other. We’re human, so believe me, it’s not all rainbows and butterflies, but we try and have each other’s backs. I want you to have that too. I want you to have a place where you always feel safe to be yourself.”
His comment pulled another groan out of me. He didn’t get it. I wasn’t like him—and I didn’t mean the queer part either, which was confusing in itself. When I was growing up, that word was used as a slur. Will had explained that some in the community had reclaimed it. But back to the topic at hand, I was our father’s son. I held shit in, I didn’t get all we-stick-together-and-hold-hands-in-a-circle, the way Will sounded right then. I didn’t know how to do that, and honestly, I didn’t know if I really deserved it after how I’d treated Will. I used to pick on him. I’d hated spending time with him because he’d reminded me of who I was but wouldn’t let myself be.
But then, if I was real quiet, if I let myself hear that soft whisper inside me, I’d acknowledge the voice there that wanted exactly what Will had said—to feel like I belonged. Like it was okay to be me.
“It’s weird. We don’t even know each other.”
“You know each other some. This is how you get to know people. Come on, Jonathan. What’s the worst that could happen? At least you’ve met him, know his friends and such, so we don’t have to worry about him being some kind of psycho murderer.”
I chuckled. This felt…ridiculous. I felt ridiculous. I was too damn old to be rooming with someone and trying to figure out who in the fuck I really was.
“You deserve to be happy.” I opened my mouth to respond, but Will kept speaking. “No, I’m not saying that living with Danny is going to magically make you happy. I’m just saying…you’ve been living a lie for a long time. That had to weigh on you. Give yourself a chance to meet new people and do the things you really want to do. If that includes going back to the burbs and working construction with Nolan and Brad, that’s fine. But you’re the one who told me that I had opportunities you didn’t. I had the chance to walk away, but you didn’t. Now’s your chance, big bro. The only question is, are you going to take it?”
He was right. Goddamn it, I hated that he was right. “Give me his number.” It couldn’t hurt to call him. That wasn’t committing myself to anything.
“Aw, look at you listening to your little brother.”
I gave Will the finger, and we both laughed as he pulled out his phone and read off Danny’s phone number. We hung out for a while longer, and then I headed to my truck to make the drive back to the duplex I rented in our hometown. I hadn’t told Will, but I’d already given my thirty-day notice at my place. I figured even if I rented a small studio, it wouldn’t be that hard to find an apartment in Atlanta. I had a little bit of cash stashed away and had interviews scheduled all week.
Instead of pulling away, I sat in my truck and looked at Danny’s phone number. There was no reason I should feel insecure about calling him. Hell, he was the one who’d offered for me to stay with him. If my dad were around and could see me, he’d think I was being a pussy—his word, not mine. He hadn’t said those things aloud to me often, and I wasn’t sure he ever did to my brothers, but he hadn’t had to verbalize it with me. I’d known what he thought, what he always had in the back of his mind after he’d caught me in that treehouse, kissing my friend.