She smiled thinly, letting it mask her turbulent feelings. “You think you know me because I wear a lot of makeup, because of the way I dress, because I have a tattoo . . . because I live in Peasant Ranch.”
He jerked as though her words were a physical slap.
Hayden lived in Pleasant Ranch, but the joke around town was that it was really Peasant Ranch.
Once affordable housing in the 1970s, it was now a poorly maintained neighborhood full of dead lawns and houses with bars on the windows. Cops often patrolled the streets, giving in to the inevitability that they would be called into the neighborhood sometime during their shift—pulled in on some call or another. Domestic disturbance. Drugs. Truancy checks.
“Oh,” she added. “And your friends want to fuck me.” Hayden held her smile, fighting down a tremor of emotion. “And, yeah, I swear when I feel like it, too.”
Nolan exhaled and glanced away, color rising in his cheeks. She’d embarrassed him.
Good.
She laughed harshly. “What’s the matter?” Clearly he wasn’t used to girls like her who talked so bluntly. “Does my language offend you . . . or is it because I’m aware that guys want to get in my pants? Am I not supposed to notice that?”
He shook his head, looking a little stunned.
She actually felt a little stunned, too. How had she ended up in this conversation with him?
“Nolan!” His girlfriend was back. Guess she decided not to wait at the car, after all. Hayden hid a smirk. Naturally she wouldn’t like leaving him alone with the likes of her.
Hayden nodded in her direction. “You better go. You’re being summoned.”
His lips flattened into a thin line. He didn’t like that.
Nolan didn’t glance back to his waiting princess. No, sorry, she mentally amended, his waiting queen.
His stare was fixed steadily on Hayden, and she couldn’t help marveling that this was the first time he had ever really looked at her. Really looked at her.
This was their first conversation. Now he would have a memory, an experience to go with her when he did see her in the halls. For some reason she thought he would definitely notice her now. This, weirdly, maybe wrongly, gave her some sense of satisfaction.
“Well, uh. Good night,” he said.
Such manners, and after their borderline uncivil conversation, no less.
She didn’t say anything as he turned away, but she couldn’t help admiring his solid length, the way his henley stretched across the back of his broad shoulders. He really was a rare specimen. Fit and strong. The kind of guy who would do well in a zombie apocalypse. She nodded. Yeah. She thought about such things. She watched anything and everything zombie. Not just the obvious, like The Walking Dead. The classics, too. Night of the Living Dead. Dawn of the Dead. And her personal favorite, Land of the Dead.
It was normal behavior for her to walk around considering the nearest and most convenient escape route. She even had a go bag in the back of her closet. A zombie breakout wasn’t the only thing that could happen, after all. There were things like angry ex-boyfriends of Mom. Or friends of Mom that suddenly weren’t friends anymore. Angry individuals in general. Mom managed to piss off a lot of people.
The door shut behind Nolan and his cheerleader girlfriend. Hayden stood alone outside in the dark and cold, the sounds of the party a dim hum on the air.
She liked being alone. She was comfortable with it. It was safe. When you were alone, there was no one around to hurt you.
Wrapping her arms around her middle, she squeezed, hugging herself against the chilly night. Right now, she was hard-pressed to even remember why she had wanted to come here tonight. A Netflix marathon and some microwave popcorn sounded far more tempting than this. Then again, Mom was at home with her friends. Hayden would only be alone as long as no one invaded her space. Unfortunately, Mom’s get-togethers usually got rowdy, so that was unlikely. The thin barrier of her bedroom door offered little protection.
She studied the fountain for a moment, enjoying the soft sound of burbling water. It had a calming influence. She understood it now. She understood why rich people had them. If she had money, a fountain wouldn’t have made it to the top of her list before, but she might have to readjust that list now.
That’s the way of it for people who had nothing, she supposed. They always fantasized and played the what if game.
She turned and exited out the back gate, walking down the street until she reached her car, an old clunker. Her manager at the Tasty Freeze sold it to her last year dirt cheap, claiming it wouldn’t bring her much money. Hayden knew the truth, though. Leticia had done it out of generosity.
At the time, Hayden had teased Leticia that she had done it so Hayden would stop being late to work. Hayden was always on time now, but before, she had to beg a ride off someone—her mother couldn’t be relied on—or walk the three miles to the Tasty Freeze. More often than not, she walked. In heat. In cold. In rain. It didn’t matter.
Hayden slid behind her steering wheel and turned the ignition. It sputtered and choked before coming to life. One day, it was going to quit on her for good. She knew it was inevitable. She didn’t worry about it though.
Everything quit on her eventually, and she still found a way to go on.
Lesson #4
Know your limits and set reasonable goals.
x Emmaline x
Emmaline sat in mute frustration as they headed to Whataburger.
Frustration with her brother.
Frustration with her friends, who were too in awe of Nolan to stand up to him and side with her when she wanted to stay at the party. They were glad Nolan had called it quits for the night. Maybe a part of her had been glad, too. It’s not like she was having a good time. The highlight of her night had been her conversation with Hayden Vargas.
Mostly, though, she was frustrated with herself. Because why couldn’t she have a good time at a party? Why couldn’t she be like everyone else?
When she’d walked into that media room where an adult film had been playing, she’d lost her composure. Maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad if Beau hadn’t been standing beside her—Beau, who she’d had a crazy stupid crush on since she was thirteen.
Maybe then she wouldn’t have blushed like a schoolgirl.
It had been so awkward. For a moment she had thought Beau looked from the naked, writhing bodies on the screen to her boobs. Not that she had been flaunting them or anything in her simple sweater.
Of course, she had to be wrong. He hadn’t looked there. Not at her. He would never do that. She was Nolan’s kid sister. She couldn’t get any unsexier than that.
Beau had not been checking her out. Guys did not check her out in general.
When they got to Whataburger they all lined up at the counter, placed their orders, and then went their separate ways. Emmaline with her friends. Nolan with his.
There was never any question of this. They slid into different booths. It was the usual way of things. It was like Thanksgiving, when she was stuck at the kiddie table with her little cousins. Not that she wanted to sit with Nolan and his friends. He only made her feel small and insignificant, just like a child not yet ready for the grown-up table.
Nolan would be graduating at the end of the school year and off to college in the fall, but they would be living together for another eight months. And she’d decided that she wasn’t going to sit idle, waiting for him to leave to begin doing what she wanted to do.