I want Jules. I crave her, but I’m not going to fuck her and let her run away, and she’s too young for the serious relationship that I need from her. I was in basic training at her age, and unsure what I wanted out of life. She still has a life to live that doesn’t include being trapped in our home with my babies all around. Besides, there’s danger on every fucking corner in Steeleville these days, and I’d never forgive myself if something happened to Jules.
I should be focused on the asshole in front of me, but all I can think of is the woman in the other room. Would she want to be mine forever, or is it merely a physical attraction? After our business is concluded, I step out of the room and look for my woman, but she’s being guided to the door by Denver. My sister frowns, watching me as I watch Jules leave with Mr. Banks instead of me. I grit my teeth, holding back the urge to claim her. “I knew it. You’re interested in her, aren’t you?” She shakes her head as if she disapproves.
“No. I’m not,” I lie. It’s none of Roxie’s business how I feel about Jules.
Roxie nods, but I can see in her eyes that she doesn’t believe a word of my denial. “Well, that’s good because she wants nothing to do with our lives here and the violence. She made that point very clear to me when I asked her if she was okay earlier.”
Even though I know it’s for the best—and one of the main reasons I fought my attraction to Jules—it tears at my heart. “It’s not safe for her. I wouldn’t expect a sweet girl like her to want to deal with such violence. You’re a part of this, and I still worry that something bad could happen to you.”
“I’m cool with this. Unlike Jules,” Roxie reiterates like she wants to pound it into my brain like a power hammer.
“You don’t seem to like her at all, do you?” I question, trying to understand my sister’s motivations.
“I did, until a little while ago when she let her disgust show. You men are incredible, and if she can’t see how amazing you all are, then she’s better off quitting and staying far away from my remarkable brother.” I understand her point of view because I’d crush any fucker’s skull who hurt my little sister, but we’re talking about my Jules here and I don’t like it.
“Tell me how you really feel,” I hiss, hating that my sister hates the woman I’m obsessed with. I love Roxie, but I can’t stand anyone saying anything bad about my girl. “Enough. Let me take you home now. Everything’s all cleared up. It had nothing to do with the cartel, and the fuck is going to jail. Some people just hate cops a lot.”
“Well, that’s semi-good news. Let’s go. I need a good book and some greasy food,” Roxie says, rubbing her belly dramatically.
I chuckle because Roxie can bounce back from any negative mood in a flash if food’s involved. I drop her off and go back to my home. It’s not late, so I have a full day to stew over what Roxie told me and the memory of Jules’s body against mine for a brief moment. I should have stolen a couple more seconds.
“Fuck, this is crazy.” Growling to myself, I go into my forge behind the house and get to work. I have a lot of blades to get started on, projects that will keep me busy for months, so I get to hammering and forging.
Pounding steel all night until my body’s bone-tired, I finally turn everything off and head back into the house. The sky’s full of stars tonight, clear and beautiful. What I wouldn’t give to have Jules in my arms watching them as we enjoy the light breeze with a small fire pit going. This mushy shit the guys have been going through is rubbing off on me, and it needs to stop. I storm into my house, slamming the back door harder than necessary before kicking off my boots and marching into my bedroom. I strip on the way into the bathroom, tossing my clothes into my already-stuffed hamper. “Fuck. I need to do some laundry.”
I twist the shower knob to the right temp before hopping in. The heat feels good against my sore muscles, but then I’m quickly reminded of the way Jules felt so incredible in my flexed arms. My dick jumps because he doesn’t give a fuck that I’m tired or miserable. He wants what I do: Jules’s warm pussy snugly wrapped around my shaft, squeezing all my load out into her young belly and making our babies.
I take my cock in hand, feeling how close I am to unloading just from the slightest mental image of Jules and me. Stroking it from base to tip, I close my eyes and allow all my wicked thoughts of her ample tits in my mouth, hand, and snuggling around my dick to wash over me. I beat my cock hard and fast until I roar out her name, coating the floor and shower wall.
“Shit. You’re a fool. She doesn’t even want you anyway.” I shake my head and wash up before plopping into bed, buck naked and thankfully not rock hard anymore.
***
By the time I have my first cup of coffee in hand, I nearly crack the mug as Jackson uproots my world. “She quit?” I growl into the phone.
He sighs, pitying me. “Yep. Banks told me it’s because it’s too dangerous and she doesn’t want to be around us.” My sister wasn’t exaggerating. Fuck, my chest burns. There’s really no hope for us.
“Damn.” I should have known better. She’d been so out of it after we came in after the attack. Did she see what happened with Penny’s attempted abduction? Does she worry it would happen to her? I’d never let it come to that.
“Jules is nineteen and a freshman in college. Penny told me that you’re crushing on her cousin, so I thought you should know.” Did he have to remind me of the massive age gap?
Penny’s observant for sure, but I don’t want anyone to know that because I’ve no intention of pursuing her. If she’s scared, I won’t have her live in fear because of my selfish love for her. “I’m not crushing. She’s hot, but too young to touch,” I lie. I’d more than touch her if I knew she’d never leave.
“You’re full of it. I’ll see how long you hold out,” Jackson scoffs at me. He doesn’t understand that her feelings and life mean more to me than my own happiness.
"I'm not in love with the girl." Bullshit. I’m way past that.
"Fine. Don't get bent out of shape. I'll talk to you later."
"I'll be forging all day today and tomorrow,” I inform him. I’m not in the mood to play babysitter today. Not when my favorite reason is gone.
"I'll send a text to Boomer." Since I make my own schedule, I’m the one they rely on for extra guard duty, especially for their women.
"I already did."
"Remember to take it easy."
"I'm good. Now go harass your wife." I try to not be jealous of his happiness, but it’s hard as fuck to ignore.
Jackson laughs. "I will. Over and over." I hang up on the prick and toss my phone across the room. It lands hard against the wall and then onto the floor where it cracks. Fuck if I care. I walk over and set my cup in the sink and storm outside to get some work done.
Sweat rolls down my back as I toil away. It's pitch-black out when I finally take a break. I look at the clock and see why. It's already six-thirty. I've been banging my hammer for ten straight hours, arms throbbing, and yet my dick is still hard the second I think about Jules. "Get a grip, Blade. She's not that special."