“Ready.” She nodded, following me out the door.
I felt Mason’s eyes on me the entire walk to my car and tried not to let the fierce ache in my chest allow me to turn around for one last look. I lost the battle and turned briefly to find his formidable body framed in his doorway as he stood with heated eyes watching us go.
His muscular arms were crossed over his broad chest, and I felt heat travel down my spine, making my knees weak. No man had ever caused a physical reaction in me the way he did. But I couldn’t accept being lied to. I told myself that was the only reason I was walking away, not my nearly nuclear attraction to him.
“El, what the hell?” Lily demanded as we pulled out of his gated community and onto the freeway. “You just shot Mason freaking Jackson down!” she exclaimed.
“Not now, Lily,” I muttered, feeling close to tears. I felt foolish at the intensity of my emotions.
“You liked him?” she asked quietly. She knew how big that was after so many years of my indifference and occasional skittishness toward the opposite sex.
“Yeah, I did,” I sighed.
She left me to my thoughts for the rest of the drive. Lily had known me a long time; she knew when to pry and when to leave me alone.
“Call me tomorrow. Love you, sweetie,” she said quietly when I dropped her off at her place.
“Okay,” I agreed with a half-smile. “Love you too.”
I let myself into my building, taking the stairs to the second floor and putting my key in the lock. I could already hear Kodi, ready to greet me on the other side of the door.
“Hi, bud,” I murmured, bending to give him a rubdown. “You’ve never let me down, you know that?” I questioned as he stared up at me, tongue lolling, head cocked to the side.
I put him out on the deck to do his business on the grass pad I had out there for just that purpose, and for when taking him down two flights of stairs wasn’t practical.
I surveyed my loft, taking in the open concept and hardwood floors. I’d fallen in love with the space immediately when I’d first seen it just under two years before. With its large windows, exposed brick, and high ceilings, it gave me room to breathe while still being cozy enough to feel secure. My bedroom was up a flight of stairs and visible from below. Living alone suited me, though Lily complained it just exacerbated my reclusive tendencies.
My family had been concerned when I’d shared my plans, and our compromise had been Kodi, a released police dog who was my protector and loyal companion. In the end, it hadn’t been a compromise at all for me.
I let Kodi in, and he immediately went to his bed as I shrugged out of my jacket. For a moment I stood staring blankly, not sure what to do with myself. I knew I couldn’t sleep, not yet. So, I headed for my easel, deciding to lose myself in art, something that always anchored me.
It was far later than I’d intended to stay up by the time I headed for bed, and exhausted as I was, I still tossed and turned, trying unsuccessfully to rid my mind of those warm brown eyes, so troubled, as though he’d lost something significant, as I’d walked away.
Chapter 2
ELLIE
When my buzzer rang Saturday evening, I looked down at Kodi with a cocked brow. “She waited longer than I thought she would.” I muttered dryly as I hit the speaker.
“Hey, Lil.”
“How’d you know it was me?” she demanded. In my bemused silence that followed, she huffed. “Oh, fine, just let me up.”
I grinned, buzzing her up before pouring her a glass of the wine from the bottle I’d just opened. When she walked in a few moments later, she was greeted by a very enthusiastic Kodi before she set eyes on me.
I held out the full glass. “Hell yes, thank you.” She sighed, accepting the glass and plopping down on one my barstools. “So, are you proud of my restraint or what?” she demanded, her blue eyes wide and earnest. “I haven’t even texted you.”
“Very proud,” I confirmed, trying to fight a smile as I took a sip from my glass.
“Seriously, are you okay?” she asked gently, any trace of petulance gone from her tone, replaced with sincere concern.
“I’m a bit sad,” I admitted. “More than I thought possible since I only spent an hour with him.”
Truth be told, I was taken aback by how low I felt after the amazing time I’d had with Mason.
“Clearly it was a good hour,” she murmured sympathetically.
“It was.” I sighed. “I can’t believe he’s some big football star. He was so down-to-earth and funny. It felt like we really connected.”
“I’m sure you did,” she put in.
I shook my head. “Not if he lied to me. He had so many chances to tell me the truth, and he didn’t.”
She was unusually quiet as I regarded her. “You think I was too hard on him?”
She shrugged. “The guy probably can’t go anywhere without attention. I’m sure it was refreshing to get to know a pretty girl without worrying why you were really talking to him.”
“Still,” I muttered stubbornly. “I wonder why he was hiding out in his room during his own party,” I added, sharing a question I’d been curious about ever since.
The opulent house and partygoers didn’t line up with the man I’d spent time with.
“I think he threw the party as a favor to a friend and didn’t want people to know he was even home.”
Well, that was generous and sort of sad.
“How did things go with Ryan?” I asked, wanting to change the subject and to ignore the conflict of emotions now warring in my head.
“I’ll only let you off the hook since I have to share.” She pointed a finger at me in warning. “He asked for my number,” she divulged with a grin.
I clinked my glass with hers, happy for my girl. Where I was aloof with men and standoffish, Lily was downright picky. I was happy to see her excited about someone. Everyone deserved butterflies.
“Do you know when you’ll see him?” I wondered.
“Not sure, trying not to get my hopes up,” she admitted, a trace of vulnerability in her tone.
“Well, if he doesn’t call, it’s his loss,” I replied firmly. “Do you want to do dinner? I was just going to order in.”
“Sounds good,” she agreed. “After last night, I’m good with an old lady night—or put another way, your dream Saturday night,” she teased.
“Hey, don’t knock it till you try it,” I replied without ire.
Hours later, pizza consumed and Netflix binged, she got up to leave. “What are you doing tomorrow?” she asked as she put on her jacket.
“I have a session with Walt,” I replied, referring to the self-defense trainer I’d been working with for the past few years. “Other than that, I think I’ll just do some painting and laze around. I have a busy week ahead.”
“Me too.” She wrinkled her nose. “I’m flying out to New York for a meeting, but I’ll be back by mid-week for the show,” she added, referring to the live music we’d made plans to see.
“Sounds good,” I agreed, getting up so I could lock up after her.
“El, I just have to say it,” she began as she stood in the open doorway, her gaze beseeching. “Just make sure you’re not forcing him away because you’re scared of what you feel. I know it’s scary for you after everything, but just make sure, if you’re going to walk away, that it’s for the right reasons,” she pressed.