Maybe my life was in the toilet and instead of figuring out what was going on, I was behaving like a coward with my hand on the flusher ready and willing to push it and watch all my hard work spiral down the porcelain.
Weak.
One explanation that was unacceptable, yet it was true.
I tossed the covers off, caught sight of my jeans, and last night rushed back in an unfortunate stream of humiliation.
I was fully dressed, just like Luke had promised I’d be.
I had no doubt my car was in my garage.
And I had a sickening suspicion I knew why Luke had stayed the night. I hadn’t been drunk. Drunk didn’t cover what I’d been. More like blotto. Totally smashed.
Shit.
He probably thought I was going to puke in my sleep and die.
Shame washed over me.
I never lost control to that extent. Never, ever.
And since I never had, I was seriously worried I’d talked too much. Told Luke things I would never tell him sober.
That thought got me moving. In record time I was in the shower on a fool’s errand. I washed and scrubbed but the shame clung to my skin. Not the morning-after-walk-of-shame kind. No, this was worse. I’d gladly take tromping out of a man’s house in last night’s clothes holding my high heels—not that I wore high heels but for the purpose of my misery I did—into an awaiting Uber. I’d be more than happy to see the driver’s knowing smirk aimed my way as he drove me home with the knowledge I got myself a little something-something. I reckoned that would be uncomfortable but I could only guess because I’d never experienced it.
My shame came in the form of words—too many of them spoken.
Unguarded.
My shower hadn’t helped.
Water, toast, OJ, and Tylenol didn’t help.
Neither did doing laundry, washing dishes, vacuuming, dusting, nor did mopping. All my day-off chores succeeded in doing was cause my head to throb worse. By the time five-thirty rolled around I was sitting on my couch trying to come up with an excuse to call Luke and tell him not to come by. Of course, the truth would be too embarrassing.
I’d almost come up with a plausible lie when there was a knock at my front door. Then it swung open and my heart stopped.
River.
Not good.
Worse than Luke showing up thirty minutes early.
My brother did what he always did when he saw me. The big brother cursory top to toe check. He did this with narrowed eyes and I braced.
“You look like shit.”
Awesome.
Insulted straight out of the gate.
“Thanks. Aren’t you a peach?”
“Call out?”
Naturally, my brother would assume the obvious—work.
“Because I’m hungover.”
“Hungover?” River jerked his chin and continued. “Surprised Gordy let you tie one on. He usually cuts you off.”
“Yes, River, Gordy usually does. And why is that?”
My brother flashed me a megawatt smile—the one I knew got him laid and regularly. A fact no little sister ever wanted to know but unfortunately, this little sister knew everything about her older brothers.
“So you’re not denying you told Gordy to babysit me?”
“I’ve never denied it. And not just Gordy—they all know to keep an eye on you.”
This was the annoying part about having three overly dominant brothers. They butted into my business in a way that didn’t feel loving and protective. It felt infuriating and bossy.
“How would you like it if I pulled Conley aside and had a word with him?”
River shrugged and said, “It depends on what you told him.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it. You’d be pissed if I went to your partner for any reason. But especially if I did it to tell him if he didn’t watch your back I would kick his ass.”
“That’s different.”
So freaking annoying.
“It’s not different. And if you pull the ‘you’re a woman and I’m a man’ card I’m gonna throw something at you.”
“First, what the hell has crawled up your ass? I came over here to see if you wanted to grab something to eat. I find you looking like shit and now you’re pissed about something that’s not gonna change. You’re my sister, yes. But you’re also my family. You, Echo, Phoenix are all I have. And I didn’t threaten to kick Gordy’s ass if he didn’t look out for you. I told him I’d cut his balls off.”
My heart had softened at the mention of family. Echo, River, Phoenix, and me. Just the four of us. We were the only family any of us had. No parents, no aunts and uncles, no grandparents. Echo being the eldest was more of a father to me than my father ever had been. And River being the second born stepped up when he could. Phoenix the same when he was old enough. My three big brothers had always taken care of me.
But he lost what little ground he’d gained when he admitted to threatening Gordy.
“Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, I’d like to earn the respect and loyalty of my team without my big brother intervening?”
“Nope.”
“Jesus, you’re annoying as hell.”
“So you’ve told me a million times.”
We went into a brother-sister staredown. Me sitting on the couch, River standing with his tattooed arms crossed over his broad chest. I didn’t need to look at his forearm to know my name was scrolled in bold ink from wrist to elbow. All my brothers had the same tattoo. It was weirdly sweet. They said it was their reminder of what was important. That it was because of me and for me the three of them had pulled together. That I was the glue that kept us close. The baby sister they’d sworn to protect.
But sometimes being the glue sucked.
That wasn’t right. Being the glue was a lead chain around my neck.
I lost the staredown when I heard the knocking and I closed my eyes.
Seriously bad timing.
“Expecting someone?” River asked.
“Yes.”
My brother being the second-born and my self-appointed keeper stalked to the door.
There was a beat of silence before my brother barked, “Who are you?”
“Don’t be a dick, River!” I shouted from the couch. “Let Luke in.”
“Luke?” River asked.
“Yes, his name is Luke and I swear on Gunner’s grave you threaten Luke’s balls or any other part of him I’m gonna cut you in your sleep.”
Gunner was River’s beloved Chow. He’d crossed the rainbow bridge three years ago and River was still devastated. It was a bitch thing to say and I almost felt bad but I also didn’t because River was a menace and had chased away every guy that had ever looked at me.
“You suck,” River said, coming back into the living room. “Not cool bringing up Gunner.”
“The same way it’s not cool the way you just answered my door?”
“You’re my sister.”
“I am. But that doesn’t mean you get to be rude to my guests.”
“It does when the guest is male and looks like him.”
River pointed and my gaze followed the line of his arm until Luke came into focus and my heart flip-flopped in my chest.
So I could see how Luke would give my very protective brother a stroke. Tall, sexy, muscular—that was Luke. But more, there was an air of danger that surrounded him. River being cut from the same cloth as Luke wouldn’t miss that.