“I understand why you’re mad, and I’d be mad too,” he starts.
“Mad? You think I’m mad?” I point at my chest. “Mad doesn’t even begin to cover the years of hell I’ve lived through because you didn’t love me enough to come back.” He looks pained, like my words are a sharp sword that’s just sliced through him. “And you know what? Now you get to know what it feels like to be ran away from.” I don’t say another word as I push my way forward, leaving him behind.
I almost run to my car and get behind the wheel. I look back at the gate I just walked through as I shift into reverse. He’s not coming after me. That almost makes me feel sadder. I wasn’t worth coming back for, and I’m not worth chasing after. Or maybe he’s giving me what he thinks I want: the chance to walk away from him.
When I get back to the shop I walk in and Lisa is behind the counter. She stands up quickly. “That was him, wasn’t it? The one you’re in love with that never came back? How’d it go?” she asks, following me into the back room.
“I yelled at him and ran away,” I confess, walking around the table and putting both my hands flat on it while I lean forward, hanging my head. “I’ve had twenty-two years to think of what I’d say to him if he showed up, but did I say any of that? No! I yelled at him. What the fuck is wrong with me?” My eyes fall closed as I stand upright, letting my head fall back like I’m looking up at the ceiling.
“It’s okay. Now you know where he’s at. You can gather your thoughts and go to him when you’re ready.”
I shake my head. “No, I can’t go to him. Are you crazy? He left me… with no reason why, no call or letter. Nothing. How does he deserve a second chance?”
“I’m not saying to give him a second chance, El. I’m just saying that maybe hearing him out will help you heal a little and let go. And there’s no better time than now. You’re about to start a new chapter of your life. Erin will be leaving for college, you and Tom are… well, to be frank, you’re over. You need to be able to move forward freely. Put everything in the past and let it go.”
Maybe she’s right. Logan and I, our chapter hasn’t been finished yet, and I need everything finished and wrapped up into a little bow before I can move forward.
It’s going on seven o’clock. I’m at the house all alone. Erin has better things to do, like spend the summer with her friends before leaving for college, and Tom took off soon after he took Erin to breakfast and to pick up her new car. I’m sitting at the patio table with a glass of white wine and the papers. It’s time to read over them and sign them, to end this chapter of my life once and for all.
The papers state that everything will be split fifty-fifty. I get to keep my car while he keeps his. He keeps his apartment in London, and I keep the house here. Our checking and savings account will be split down the middle along with all other assets. My flower shop is mine and will always be mine. He wouldn’t have any interest in it anyway. Since there are no children under the age of eighteen, this divorce is rather simple, unless I wanted to fight for more. But he didn’t give me much of anything throughout our marriage. It would be silly for me to ask for more now. Not to mention, I don’t want anything. I don’t want to fight for more. I have everything I need. I have my own money, my own car, house, and business. More than anything, I just want to be done with him.
I sign the papers and close the folder, almost feeling a sense of empowerment. I slide the folder into an envelope and seal it before taking it to the mailbox to be sent to London. Putting that envelope in the mailbox and closing the lid is like closing the lid on the casket that holds our marriage. It’s done—not officially—but done. I’m free. I can be whoever I want to be now. I breathe in fresh air and almost feel like it’s given me strength. I’m strong, braver, more ready to take on the world as a newly single woman.
I go back to the table and sip my wine while watching the birds fly around the feeder hanging on the other side of the pool. My mind seems to take on a life of its own, and before I know it, I’m thinking about Logan and how good he looked today.
He was wearing a pair of jeans, dirty work boots, and a black Henley shirt that fit him snugly. He had the sleeves pushed up to his elbows and a few dark tattoos on his forearms. They were toned and tanned. He’s so different from how he used to be. He was always on the skinnier side as a teen. He was tall and thin but toned from playing sports and working in the garage. He didn’t have any tattoos or long hair or scruff on his face like he does now. Now, he seems hard and dangerous. Tempting.
I finish off my glass of wine and pour another. And then another. The wine only adds to my confusion about him and why he left, why he never came home or called. What kept him away from me? Did he leave and find another girl? Did he fall in love with someone else? Did he never really love me at all? I need these questions answered so I can finally put them to rest.
I grab my phone and call Lisa. She’s always my voice of reason.
“Hello?” she answers, sounding sweet and happy.
“I’m thinking of doing something really dumb, and I need you to talk me down.”
“Oh, fun,” she says around a giggle. “What’s up?”
“I want to go over there, talk to him, force him to answer my questions. That’s dumb, right? I should just leave well enough alone. The only thing that matters is that he left and now we have two separate lives, right?”
“What? No!” she yells into the phone. “I told you to go to him. Figure this all out. Listen to what he has to say. What if you’re meant to be together, El? Are you really going to turn your back on true love?”
I laugh. “True love? If we were meant to be together, don’t you think he would’ve come back for me, Lisa? It wouldn’t have taken him twenty-two years!”
“You don’t know that. Maybe he’s been held hostage and hasn’t been able to come back for you. You don’t know his story.”
I roll my eyes. “Really? Held hostage? Aren’t you supposed to be on my side? This guy broke your best friend’s heart. Take my side, damn it.”
“Sorry, I would if I could, but something tells me that things happened for a reason, and he is your Prince Charming, coming to rescue you right when you need it most. Go to him and don’t call me back until you do!” She hangs up the phone and I growl.
I get up and walk into my kitchen through the double glass doors. I grab my bottle of wine and go to pour another glass, but something comes over me. I need answers more than I need wine, and Lisa thinks it’s a good idea. Why not?
I grab my keys and jump in the car. I’m about to drive over to his place, which is only a few blocks away before deciding to walk with the amount of wine I’ve had. I walk the few blocks to his house and make my way down the driveway heading toward the door, but I notice smoke in the sky, and it looks like it’s coming from the backyard, so I pass the door and instead open the gate to the privacy fence. He’s there, sitting by the fire with a tent in the background. Was that there earlier?
He sees me coming at him, and he stands to greet me. “Did you bring me a bottle of wine as a housewarming gift?” He smirks, and it’s only now that I realize that I’m still holding my bottle of wine from the house.