Prologue
Ignacio
13 Years Ago
“What?” I ask when Tinley looks up at me.
Bliss isn’t a strong enough word to describe how I’m feeling right now.
With sweat drying on our skin, the warm rush of her breath threatens to lead us right back to where the night started over an hour ago—her under me or straddling me, torn between begging me to go faster or slow down.
It’s not supposed to be like this. At eighteen, you aren’t likely to find the person you can’t imagine spending a day of your life without.
Somehow, Tinley and I lucked out.
She moved to south Houston just over two years ago, right in the middle of our sophomore year of high school. She was the light in my dark world from day one, although it took weeks for her to notice me, weeks of putting myself right in front of her before she even knew my name.
I did something that first day I told myself I’d never do for a girl. I changed. My time spent with my friends raising hell and getting into trouble tapered to nearly nothing. Missing school was no longer an option because lying in bed, hating my life, didn’t afford me the opportunity to see her gorgeous blonde hair shine in the Texas sun. Staying out late with my boys didn’t compare to the way she’d roll her pretty blue eyes when I’d wink at her when she walked into class.
Tinley is my everything.
“What?” I ask again when she begins to nibble on her lower lip. I curl a finger under her chin when she tries to look away. “Tell me.”
My voice is soft in the humid air of my granddad’s truck, the windows fogged from the heavy breathing we’ve been doing since I smelled her perfume as she climbed inside. All it takes is a sideways glance from this woman, and she owns me. I’m insatiable around her, and despite her lack of experience when we first got together, I’ve conquered many of her firsts, taking those gifts and appreciating the preciousness of them.
“I have several things to tell you,” she begins, her teeth working over her bottom lip. “M-my dad got a new job.”
“That’s great, Tin.” Her family moved in with her grandmother two years ago after falling on hard times, and I know they’ve been struggling ever since.
Everyone in our crappy little town is struggling. People come here and never leave. I have bigger plans for my life. We talk about our futures often. How we plan to get out and never return. There’s nothing but pain and poverty here.
But we know deep down it’s only a pipe dream. Getting out is nearly impossible. Staying away is an unobtainable goal, no matter how many plans we make for that to happen.
“It’s in Dallas.”
My hand freezes on her face for a second before I pull it away. “Dallas?”
She nods, her eyes dropping to her clasped hands now that I’m no longer holding her pretty face.
“That’s great,” I repeat, although my heart is in a million pieces and my hands are shaking as I reach for my jeans.
Wincing when I bang my elbow on the driver’s side window, I still can’t look her in the eyes.
This is her chance, the opportunity to leave.
“They have several community colleges—” she begins but my scoff cuts her off.
She knows better. College isn’t my thing. Hell, despite my name on a diploma that will be handed out tomorrow at graduation, the only reason I’ve darkened the doors at school was for her.
“You don’t want to go?”
I turn and glare at her, hating the pain I see in her eyes with my staged anger. I’m ecstatic for her, but it kills me to know she’s leaving.
“Go?” I snap. I want nothing more, but logistically, it doesn’t make sense. “And do what?”
“We can get an apartment or something.”
“Are you forgetting I have no money?”
I had plenty before she showed up, but those ill-gotten gains withered away when I stopped associating with the other guys from school. Tinley’s family may be poor and have fallen on bad times, but they’re upstanding people, going to church every Sunday, spending time together as a family.
“Maybe you can stay with us until you find work.”
It’s a futile offer, and she knows it.
My reputation was impossible to hide from her father. The damage was done long before they arrived and despite changing, according to her dad, once a degenerate, always a degenerate.
“And hide in the attic?”
I can’t meet her eyes as I reach past her to the passenger side floorboard to get my shoes.
“I’m eighteen now. Dad has to understand.”
“Understanding doesn’t mean he’s going to welcome me with open arms, Tin.” I tie my sneakers with so much anger the laces cut into my fingers. This pain is nothing compared to the shattered pieces of my heart, knowing what I’m going to be forced to do.
This night started with her sneaking out of her house, something that normally was part of the thrill. Dirtying up straight-laced Tinley Holland has always thrilled me, and I know the reputation her dad despises me for was always a tick in the plus column for her. Daddy’s princess was attracted to the bad boy, and I played on that nearly every chance I got despite not doing even a fraction of the things that earned me that reputation.
We spent nearly an hour teasing and satisfying each other, unable to keep our hands off each other’s bare skin.
I was supposed to kiss her until her lips were red and swollen before dropping her off around the corner.
Tonight wasn’t meant for heartbreak and tears. Before I can even open my mouth to hurt her, her bottom lip trembles and tears stain her cheeks.
“I’ll stay.”
“No.” The word is like a gunshot in the cab of this old truck.
“Nanny needs help most days. I think my parents would—”
“You’re not fucking staying.”
“But you said you won’t go with me, so that leaves staying as the only option.”
“We graduate tomorrow, Tin.”
“I know.”
“That means our real lives start.”
Her fingers twist and tangle in her lap, the wetness from her eyes dripping onto them. She doesn’t bother to wipe them away, and the sight of her hurting is like a dagger to the chest. Tinley isn’t a crier. She’s a fixer. If something doesn’t work out the way she plans, she takes a step back, reevaluates, and approaches the issue at another angle. Hence, her suggestion of staying in this shithole town because this is where I am.
She’d throw away all of the dreaming and wishing just to be here with me. She’ll let me drag her down, change the trajectory of her life for what, love?
Not a chance in hell.
Love doesn’t last when every decision is a hard one.
Love doesn’t last when there’s never enough of anything else.
Love doesn’t last when you wake up each morning bitter and blaming those around you for your station in life.
I watched all of that unfold. Through pictures in the family photo album, I watched my dad transform from a man in love to an alcoholic who hated his life, his wife, and his son.
By the time I was six, Felipe Torres was miserable and unwilling to stay. It says a lot for the man who spent the rent money on a stolen pistol. He was out of control, hated the world, and unfortunately still so in love with my mom that he couldn’t leave this world without taking her with him.