“I’m just scared, Willow. He was my best friend. He was my everything.” Saying the words out loud made my chest sting.
Willow threw her arm around my shoulder, steering me back toward Hay Stacks. “I know, babe. And maybe that’s part of the issue, you know? If you give your all to someone else, realize you may one day have to change all you know about yourself.”
I nudged her playfully. “You and your words of wisdom.”
She shrugged. “What can I say? It’s a gift. Now put on your happy face and let’s do this. And please don’t hide behind that lens all night,” she added, eying my camera.
I sighed, looking around at the crowd gathered like someone out there would have the mental strength I needed and I’d be able to steal it from them with one glance. We walked straight up to the bouncer, ignoring the small line that had formed. He smiled at us and tipped his hat to Willow as he moved to the side to let us in, my hands still holding fast to the camera around my neck. I heard a few groans from the out-of-towners, but the locals didn’t even bat an eye. I was Natalie Poxton. And that meant I didn’t have to wait.
If only I were as powerful on the inside as the name I’d been given.
I let out a long breath as my hands tightened their grip around my camera. I felt safer with it hanging around my neck, and my fingers played with the flash, clicking it up and back down again as we made our way to the back bar where our friends would no doubt be gathered.
I spotted Mason immediately.
I half hoped he wouldn’t show, but he did. And as soon as my eyes found him and witnessed his signature, full-faced smile break across his face, I almost fell to my knees. He looked more handsome than usual, if that was even possible, and it absolutely killed me. I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth out of habit and followed Willow a little closer.
“Lo!” Stephanie shouted over the music, throwing her arms around Willow’s neck when we reached the group. “Okay, it’s official. The party can start now.”
“I have arrived!” Willow yelled in response and the group laughed. I felt hot eyes burning holes through me as I gripped my camera even tighter and waited for the first person to speak to me. I tried to hold my head high like Willow said, but I was pretty sure I was failing miserably.
“Nice to see you, Natalie,” Dustin said first, offering a kind smile. Dustin was Mason’s best friend and, from what he had said to me after the break-up the week before, he didn’t exactly agree with Mason’s choice. I smiled back at him and dropped my hands from my camera, trying to relax.
“You too, Dustin.” I’d chewed off all the lip balm I’d put on in the car ride over, so I retrieved a small tube from my purse and reapplied, using the old habit to calm my nerves as Dustin continued smiling at me.
Dustin and Mason were practically twins, though Mason’s features were perfectly symmetrical, giving him just a small edge up on Dustin. They both had shaggy brown hair and matching chocolate eyes. While Mason was always tan from working on his parents’ land, Dustin’s skin was light and dotted with tiny freckles. And though Mason was tall with broad shoulders, Dustin was at least six inches taller, his frame lanky in comparison.
I tucked my lip balm back into my purse just as my eyes moved to Mason, who was officially staring at me along with everyone else. “Hey Mase.”
He paused for a moment, like he wasn’t sure what to say to me, and it made my stomach twist into an awful knot. I swallowed, but kept my posture as calm as I could, hearing Willow’s words in my mind. All I wanted was for him to wrap me in his arms and tell me it was all a joke, but I knew that wasn’t going to happen. So I needed to at least pretend to be okay. That town loved to gossip and I didn’t want poor, dumped Natalie Poxton to be their next subject of focus.
“Hey, Nat.” He paused again and lowered his voice a bit, moving a little closer. “You okay?”
His words made my stomach twist more, but Willow’s eyes narrowing behind him reminded me that I needed to seem in control. Even if I was far from it.
I shrugged. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
There were a few raised brows and whispers after that remark and Willow gave me a subtle thumbs up sign, but I felt awful. I never lied to Mason, and I knew he could see I was bluffing. But he didn’t call me on it. He just smiled, nodded, and turned back to Dustin. It was like his attention was tied to everyone else’s because as soon as he and Dustin started talking about baseball, everyone else went back to their conversations, too.
Stephanie grabbed my hand and hauled me to the bathroom with her and Willow. “Let’s drink!” She bounced a little, her smile bright as she tugged us through the crowd.
Stephanie was by far the prettiest girl in our class, though Willow closely rivaled her. Both of them were tall and lean, but Stephanie had perfect, long, auburn hair that twisted into beautiful curls effortlessly. Her smile revealed dimples that drove every boy insane. She was always nice to me, but we never hung out unless Willow was involved. In fact, Willow and Mason were the only two people I ever hung out with outside of our group outings.
After Mason dumped me, I was down to one.
Stephanie and Willow took shots out of their flasks in the handicap stall we all crammed into but I waved my hand when they offered them to me. I probably could have used the alcohol to calm my nerves, but I was more afraid of breaking down under the haze, so I opted for water when we got back to the bar, instead.
Sipping on my water allowed me to relax a little and the more everyone else drank, the better I felt. For some reason, buzzed eyes were easier for me to stand than sober ones.
We were leaned up against the back edge of the bar, still in the same group as Mason and Dustin but with enough space between us to hold separate conversations. Willow and Stephanie were chatting about their dorm room assignments at Appalachian State while I pretended to listen. As far as I was concerned, that college was essentially high school number two. Besides, Mason’s girlfriend had just walked in, and I was far more interested in torturing myself by watching them together. She had just strutted in and thrown herself into his arms as everyone around them smiled. He wrapped his arms all the way around her and pulled her tight into him, kissing her lips like he’d kissed mine a week before, and I couldn’t help but realize that he could never wrap his arms that far around me.
“What about you, Nat?” Stephanie asked, stealing another sip from her flask before pouring half of it in the soda she’d just ordered. “Where are you rooming? I’m surprised you and Willow aren’t together.”
I shrugged, tilting my plastic cup until an ice cube slid between my teeth. I crunched on it loudly with my eyes still on Mason. “I haven’t decided if I’m going to Appalachian State, yet.”
Stephanie blanched and Willow’s mouth pulled to the side. She already knew I was still debating my options, but to Stephanie and everyone else in this town, it was practically a sin not to go to Appalachian State. It was where everyone in Poxton Beach went. We “stuck together,” as Dale liked to put it, and most of us would end up right back in that town.
Again — high school number two.
But me? I hadn’t made a single move toward college, other than take the standardized testing.
“What do you mean? Like, not this semester?” Stephanie was twirling the small black straw in her drink furiously as she waited for my response.