Glancing toward the exit I notice Cora who is glancing at me with a satisfied grin. Great. Nothing more perfect than feeding a gossiping bitch who likes to start trouble at every turn. When and where did I start to lose a grip on myself?
“Move,” I snap.
Cora purses her lips. “No need to throw your sexual frustrations at me, Bee.”
As good as she is with faking orgasms, she now fakes being hurt by my snap. Or maybe she’s internally laughing at me and will shove her tits in Archer’s face next. Fucking hell, my emotions are all over the damn place.
“Go wait in my office, Cora,” Archer snaps and I hear his footsteps follow me.
Knowing he won’t give up I turn to face him. “Seriously, Archer, go handle whatever Cora needs to talk to you about. I have to head over to my parents’. Your mother has Queenie, I’ll pick her up when I’m back around dinnertime.”
His eyes narrow. “You’re reciting shit you need to do but not why you’re reacting this way. What’s going on?”
My shoulders sag and too tired about everything I simply say, “It’s nothing, I must be coming down with something. See you tonight, okay?”
I lean in and place a kiss on his cheek. Yep. A kiss on the cheek from me…his lips on my forehead…quite the difference from heated kisses, tongues fighting, hands all over the place the first few months of our marriage. I guess having a baby goes with a lot of changes since we haven’t had sex in months.
I don’t wait for a reply but resume my escape, thankfully he lets me go. What other choice does he have? There are issues waiting for him to handle. Unlike me since my agenda consists of taking care of Queenie and the house. Like I mentioned, maybe that’s it…I need a change of work to occupy my brain or I’ll keep overthinking everything.
Taking a deep breath, I relish in the late afternoon breeze while I stalk over to my house. We have one of the large houses in the two rows built on club property. The first row is where the couples of the first generation live. We have the first house in the second row and it’s right across from Deeds and Lynn’s house.
The moment I step inside the comfort of home hits me, but the emptiness is cutting. Archer is out handling business, our daughter is with her grandparents who are a blessing and always willing to help, and yet I’m here with my heart in my hands while my brain is running twenty miles an hour.
I drag my feet up the stairs and head for the bathroom. Throwing my gym clothes into the hamper, I turn the water on and step underneath the stream before waiting for the water to heat up. Punishment for the sake of this fucked-up world yanking on my emotions.
“I hate everything,” I grumble, a sob ripping from my chest with my next breath.
My tears wash away until they disappear down the drain. I’m like a bouncing ball of emotions. Barely pulling myself together, I quickly wash up and turn off the shower to dry myself off. The towel disappears into the hamper and I stalk into the bedroom naked.
Eying the bed, another longing hits me. Sex. Affection. Closeness. One, all. When the hell did life become complicated? Adulting most definitely sucks and I know family, work, and keeping your head up is all part of the deal life hands you, but come on. I need a damn moment in time to catch my breath.
My hand reaches into the drawer with my underwear and I stare at all the items as a sense of irony hits me. Months ago, I only owned sexy lingerie and now? Black granny panties because comfort is a priority when you have to stroll through the living room comforting a kid with cramps.
“It is me,” I grumble in realization and stubbornly grab a pair of silk panties.
Searching for a matching bra, I wrestle to get myself in a pair of jeans I wore before I got pregnant but reluctantly give up when I feel like a tuna fish in a freaking can. Throwing the jeans in the direction of the trashcan I grab a pair of sweatpants and a sweater. Dressing quickly, I snatch my purse from the table and rush out of the house.
I was supposed to visit my parents but decide against it. What I need are some new clothes in an effort to make me feel better. It’s a state of mind I’ve let myself get sucked into. I need a distraction and I haven’t bought myself anything in months. Maybe I need to go back to work.
Before I became Archer’s old lady I was working with my mother handling computer stuff for their MC. But since I’m now Broken Deeds MC I cannot touch anything Areion Fury MC related. And because Broken Deeds MC already has their own computer expert…I’m practically fiddling my skilled thumbs.
Yes, I was okay with just doing the volunteer work I was doing–visiting elderly people for a quick chat or helping with whatever they need–but I stopped two months before I had Queenie and never picked it back up.
Queenie. A nickname Archer gave our daughter the first time he laid eyes on her. Her full name is Elizabeth Apis Lawson. Apis is latin for bee, the nickname Archer gave me. It’s kinda sentimental because my dad always calls my mom Bug. Shit. My parents. I should have called them to let them know I won’t be swinging by.
I park in front of the mall and my phone starts to ring. When I check I notice it’s my mother.
“Hey, mom,” I answer cheerfully.
“Hey sweetie. Are you on your way? If so, can you pick up the new laptop Class put together for me?”
Loving the sound of her request for different reasons, I blurt without thinking, “Would you mind if he put a new one together for you? I’d love to buy this one for myself and get back into the swing of things. Having a laptop of my own would be a necessity.”
Silence is all that greets me.
My mother sighs. “And what kind of swing would that be?”
“I don’t know yet, but I have to start somewhere and a good laptop is my first step. Then I can see if I’ll get back to programming assignments or maybe…I have no clue yet.”
“There will be a tracker in the one I had Class put together for me, but you’re free to have that one and I’ll ask him to build me a new one. And, Beatrice? I’m happy to hear you’re giving yourself some attention. I wasn’t going to say anything, but these past few months I’ve seen you focus on everything and everyone but you’re forgetting yourself, sweetie. Getting back into the swing of things as you so gracefully put it might be just what you need.”
“And new pants. I can’t even fit into a pair of jeans, Mom,” I sigh a tad overdramatically.
“Please, my ass doubled in size after I had you. Your body will adjust, and for now you need to get yourself some fancy clothes. Don’t forget to pick up your new laptop. And coffee, treat yourself to some fancy coffee. Oh, and bring my granddaughter by later this week. I need to squeeze her cheeks.”
A chuckle rips from me and before I hang up, I promise to swing by later this week with Queenie. Feeling a little lighter, I grab my purse, lock the car, and head into the mall. I have some shopping to do before I pick up my new laptop.
Two hours pass and I’m wearing my new jeans when I stroll into Lynn and Deeds’ house to pick up Queenie. I’ve already dropped off the bags and my laptop at home before I came here. Deeds is in the living room, sitting in front of the couch with Queenie leaning against him as she’s holding onto his fingers while they’re both staring at cartoons flashing on the TV.