In my darkest thoughts, I considered whether Penny might not be safe with Belle. I hated to even admit that to myself. But Belle had taken her on the ice. And the look she gave me when she turned to me—it was like peering into the eyes of a stranger. It wasn’t my wife holding our child. I didn’t understand what was happening to Belle, but I would do everything in my power to find out. Until then, I had to decide whether I could trust her with the baby.
Belle would never forgive herself if something happened to Penny. I knew that. I also knew she worried that she didn’t love her baby enough. I wished she could see what I did. I saw her love every time they were together. I knew it was love that drove Belle to hand the baby to someone else as she became more scared of herself. Sometimes love meant letting go. But I didn’t want to let go of Belle, and I didn’t want her to let go of me or Penny. I had to find her. I had to help her. And the first step to doing that was to stop avoiding each other. We had to get through this together.
I rose slowly. Penny squawked at being disturbed, closing one hand over the bottle and the other around my finger. I stared down at her to find her blue eyes watching me and knew I had to put her above everyone, even Belle. It was what Belle would want me to do. I had to keep Penny safe until Belle was herself again, and she would be—soon. I couldn’t consider anything else.
“Would you like me to take her?” Nora asked carefully, obviously still shaken by my outburst. She hovered near a stack of freshly folded receiving blankets.
I nodded. “Please. I should check on my wife.”
“I saw her,” Nora murmured as I moved closer. “She’s not herself. She’s no more to blame than you are.”
“I know.” I passed Penny to her, earning me a mewl of disapproval until Nora snuggled her to her chest.
Thankfully, Nora’s attention shifted instantly to her charge. I couldn’t handle a lecture from my nanny about how to be a husband and father. I was perfectly proficient at fucking that up without her insight.
“Pretty baby,” she cooed. “You need a nap.” She carried her back to the chair by the fire, lowered herself, and began to rock.
I lingered in the doorway and watched her. She made it look easy. It was what I had imagined it to be like for Belle. I’d expected to come home from the office to find her peacefully rocking her daughter just like this. Instead, she wouldn’t go near her.
Stepping into the hallway, I gathered myself for a moment, running a hand along the back of my neck while trying to figure out what to do next. Before I could, Mrs. Winters bustled by with a tea tray.
She paused to deliver a stern look. “You should see your wife now.”
“I’m on my way,” I said wearily. She needed to be reminded of who was in charge here, but I didn’t have it in me to insult the entire staff today. Not now that I needed them more than ever.
Edward met us at the door, flashing me a concerned look as he lowered his voice, “She won’t say anything,” he told me. “I’ll be right down the hall if you need me to help with anything.”
He clapped a hand on my shoulder as he passed. He’d been nearly as shaken as I was when we got Belle off the ice. Everything had happened so quickly that I was still processing the events that led us there. The morning had started in panic when Belle couldn’t seem to nurse Penny. I’d gone off to the shops to pick up formula, and I’d found out there had been a mistake with the tea she’d been drinking. Instead of helping her build her milk supply to get the baby’s weight up, it had been slowly drying it out. I thought that was going to be the worst news of the day—until I reached home and found the front door wide open, Belle gone along with our daughter. I’d left Edward with her and the baby, and it was clear from his downcast eyes that he felt responsible for her winding up out there.
It wasn’t his fault, though. I should have never left. I should’ve sent him into town, or Mrs. Winters, or waited for Nora to show up. I should have known better than to let Belle out of my sight. No one could be trusted to care as much about her safety as I did. Even her best friend.
Belle ignored Mrs. Winters as she set the tea tray on the nightstand by her side of the bed. A large cashmere blanket was wrapped around my wife’s petite shoulders. She clutched it to her chest, staring at the wall without blinking.
“Let’s see to getting you warmed up,” Mrs. Winters said in a cheerful, but strained voice. “You’ll feel fine again in no time.”
Belle’s eyes flashed up to her, a sneer curling her lip, morphing her face into something so cruel that I stepped forward in shock. “Fine? Don’t you mean mental?”
Mrs. Winters startled for a moment, but collected herself quickly. “We all have strange fits every now and then.”
“Would you excuse us a moment, Mrs. Winters?” I asked her.
She tossed a withering look at me as she made her way into the bathroom, calling over her shoulder, “I’m going to run you a hot bath.”
That was a good idea. I should have thought of it. Clearly, the cook thought so as well. “Thank you.” I got the oddest sense that I’d hurt her feelings by asking her to leave, but it wasn’t as though she could make this matter any better. The only way we were going to help the situation was by facing it as a couple.
“I don’t want a bath,” Belle muttered, her words nearly lost as the sound of running water filled the air.
“It’s a good idea, beautiful. It was cold out there,” I said. “I think it would be a good idea if you had a little help when you are taking care of Penny.”
“That’s what Nora is supposed to be for,” she said coldly. Each word felt like a brick being laid between us. She was building a wall around herself. I didn’t need to build her a fortress. She was doing it on her own.
“Nora can’t be here all the time,” I said in a measured tone. “I know Edward is here, but maybe we should call your aunt.”
“You really don’t trust me,” she said in a small voice, plunging forward before I could assuage her fears. “Good. You shouldn’t trust me. I don’t trust me.”
“Whatever’s happening, I swear to you that we will figure it out.”
“I know.” But there was no confidence in her eyes, all I found there was defeat.
3
Belle
I hated the patterned paper covering the walls. I’d been staring at it for the better part of half an hour while Mrs. Winters and Smith clucked over me. Penny had been taken to the nursery for a bottle. It was the first time I hadn’t been the one to feed her. Instead, I sat here staring at the fucking walls. I’d picked out the floral wallpaper, thinking its lush green colors would provide a sensual backdrop to our bedroom. I must not have looked closely enough, because I hadn’t seen what was hidden in the print until it had been applied to every wall in the bedroom. Small spiders had been painted on to the rose petals, nearly blending into the lush background. I’d only noticed them recently. Now I couldn’t see anything else. Sometimes, I was convinced they were crawling across the leaves.
“Beautiful, what are you looking at?”