Ryder’s body froze next to mine on the rug. “Involved? Involved how?”
“Hey, how about another shot?” I asked hopefully.
“Still waiting for the truth, Kearns.”
Back to Kearns, huh? I winced, even though I knew he was teasing. “This was ages ago, back before you started Richards Renovations, I think. You were still working for that other company over in Nashville somewhere—”
“Franklin, but close enough. And?” he growled, like he could imagine what was coming and was preemptively angry. That made me feel warm too.
“Well, Jay and I dated for a couple months—”
“Wait. Jesus, tell me you don’t mean Jay Guilford.” The look on my face that was exactly who I meant, and Ryder swore under his breath. “That absolute fucker.”
He looked so angry, I found myself stroking his arm in a comforting sort of way. “I can’t disagree with that assessment. He wasn’t a great boyfriend, and he was a totally shit contractor, but I guess he figured I’d cover for him at work because we were dating. The project was plagued with cost overruns and delays that were totally avoidable, and he claimed my budget projections and sourcing were at fault. The client was not happy, and it nearly ruined my career at Marvel right out of the gate. When it ended and I realized how close I’d come to losing everything, I doubled down on my promise and swore I’d never get involved in a situation like that again, because—”
“Ah, shit. Because it wasn’t just yourself you were risking, it was your grandparents, in a way. Right?”
“That’s… yeah.” Dang it all, how was it possible that he got me so easily? Was it the moonshine? Because, true story, I hardly understood myself half the time. But somehow, improbably, here was Ryder—a man who’d apparently been in the background of my life for years, a man I’d thought I disliked, a man I’d thought disliked me—and it felt like he’d readjusted a lens in just the past couple hours. Suddenly, everything in my life made sense. I made sense.
“That’s why I still say you should have taken the Greensong job,” he said gently. “You could do so much more than you’ve been doing. It would do amazing things for your career, while the stuff you’re working on right now…”
Ryder looked around, and I knew what he saw. The entire McMansion was painted different shades of pink, filled with hunting trophies, and covered in glitter. At every turn of the design process, Ruby had rejected my suggestions and had barely let me rein her in. It had been… frustrating. And she wasn’t the only client where that had been the case. None of the projects I’d worked on recently had been particularly fulfilling. I wanted to design something bigger—commercial spaces. I tried not to think about it much while I was still an associate—but I was really excited for the day I’d be partner because then I’d have that flexibility. In the meantime I had to be content with the higher-profile jobs that would get the attention of the partners at the design firm.
I shook my head. He was adorable, he really was.
He misunderstood my head shake. “I’m serious! Your designs should be all over Nashville. Hell, forget Nashville! New York, Los Angeles… London!”
“No way,” I insisted, shaking my head again. I couldn’t imagine being that far away.
Ryder grabbed my chin in his big hands. “You need to be more confident in yourself, baby. Remember, I’ve seen your sketchbook. You’re so damn talented. Some of the sketches you did, like your original concept for Buck Reynolds? It’s maybe the best work I’ve seen in years. Imaginative and practical at the same time. It’s not your fault Marvel chooses crappy clients.”
His praise lit me up from inside. “Thank you. You have no idea how much that means, but—”
“Colin, listen to me.” He pressed a quick kiss to my lips, which succeeded in shutting me up temporarily. “It’s not too late. I happen to know the Greensong folks haven’t made a final decision yet, and I know anyone else they could pick wouldn’t be nearly as talented as you are. Besides, I’ve already told them I’m too busy to take on the project since I’m going to be working on a barn conversion out by Spring Hill for a few months.” He gave me a half-smile that was nearly as devastatingly attractive as his full-on grin. “If you work at Greensong, you’ll be working with a bunch of lovely people, and you wouldn’t have to see my face for months.”
“I know,” I groaned. I ran both hands over my face and mumbled, “That’s why I didn’t take it. I took the job in Spring Hill instead.”
Five seconds passed while the fire crackled and Ryder processed what I said. “The job in Spring Hill… Colin, they’re calling it a barn-dominium.” He snorted. “It’s like this project, but with more barnyard animals and cinder block.”
“I’m aware.” Coaxing any sort of beauty from cinder blocks was going to be a challenge.
“So, then…” Ryder’s voice was bewildered. “If you don’t like working with me, I’d think you’d want to—”
“You’re really not paying attention,” I interrupted, levering myself up on one elbow so I could stare down at him. “I do like you. That’s the problem. Has it never occurred to you that I like fighting with you more than I’d like getting along with the perfectly lovely people at Greensong Pharmacy?”
“But you… you acted like…”
Ugh. I fell to my back again and threw my forearm over my eyes. “Like I was jealous of every person you smiled at? Like I wanted to be with you, but couldn’t let myself be without breaking a promise again? Like working with you was the only connection I could let myself have, so even if you disliked me, and even if working with you made me crazy, I couldn’t let it go?”
A sound caught between a laugh and a sob burbled out of my throat, and I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. Giblets and gravy, I was such a fool for this guy, and if he was looking over at me with pity or dismay or horror or…
“I bet the snow stopped,” I said, sitting up. “I should really go. I should…”
Ryder’s hands snaked up under my shirt and pulled me firmly back against him. “The only thing you should do is stay right here while I explain that it’s been the exact same way for me. Three years of watching you. Wanting you. Convincing myself I couldn’t have you, but not being able to walk away. Taking job after truly terrible job just so I could spend time with you.”
I turned in his arms. “What?” I whispered.
“I was too scared to tell you how I felt,” Ryder admitted in a low voice. “Terrified I wasn’t good enough for you and convinced you didn’t like me. I promised myself I wouldn’t let another year end without at least telling you how amazing you are and how I want to spend some time together outside of work.”
To say his words surprised me was an understatement. I was shocked. Ryder Richards was a member of the Devoted Dogs MC. He rode some kind of motorcycle that made other men soil themselves when they saw it. I had to admit he looked darned good on it, but I might have assumed some things about him based on his membership in the biker club.