Mathieu visited frequently, much to the twins’ delight. Separated and divorced when the children were still tiny, he and Vanessa had managed to remain friends despite their differences and both did their best for the twins. Pierre and Olivia were now so used to the way their lives were divided between both their parents and England and Monaco, they simply accepted it as the way their particular family worked.
Things had, of course, changed when Vanessa met Ralph eighteen months ago, but everyone had been careful to make sure the twins were happy and knew they were loved by both their parents. Today’s marriage ceremony would serve to cement their own happy nuclear family. Nanette loved the three of them and was already very fond of Ralph. He and Vanessa were so right for each other.
The sudden switching on of an outside light, flashing a beam into the room, brought Nanette out of her reminiscing and back to the present. She glanced out of the window to see Bryan, the happy father-to-be, on his way across the farmyard to do his final night-time check of the animals in the barn. Earlier, the twins had helped him fill the hay racks and now, as Bryan opened the barn door, Nanette caught a whiff of the hay and the acetic smell of contented cows chewing the cud.
Thoughtfully, Nanette drew the curtains and went to finish her unpacking. Could she really turn her back on everything Vanessa had done for her and refuse to help out? Besides, if she didn’t agree to take the twins to Monaco, where would that leave her? Patsy, she knew, would welcome her with open arms if she decided to move in and live on the farm permanently with her and Bryan. But soon they would be their own little family unit, and she dreaded the thought of morphing into the aged spinster aunt who just existed without a proper life of her own.
Patsy was right when she said Vanessa treated her like family, but relatives had fallen out over less and Nanette dreaded the thought of losing contact with Vanessa and the twins simply because she refused to go to Monaco and face up to her past.
Nanette sighed. It was such a big unexpected decision to have to take and so little time in which to consider all the options, to get her thoughts in order and to make the right decision. She could only hope a good night’s sleep would help clear her mind and in the morning she would be nearer to having the answer. If she managed to sleep at all that was.
3
The smell of freshly percolating coffee greeted Nanette as she made her way down to the large kitchen on Sunday morning. Patsy was busy pushing sprigs of rosemary and gloves of garlic into a large leg of lamb ready to roast for lunch.
‘Hi. Did you sleep well? The twins are helping Bryan feed the baby calves. Help yourself to coffee. You know where the cereals are. There’s plenty of bread for toast. Can you pass me the pot of honey please? I want to drizzle some over the lamb. I’d offer you bacon and eggs, but I can’t stand the smell of bacon cooking at the moment.’
‘Coffee and toast will be just fine. I’ll do the vegetables for lunch afterwards, shall I?’ Nanette asked as she handed her sister the honey.
‘Thanks. Helen always insists on bringing the dessert so I don’t have to worry, she says. More like she doesn’t like my pastry! I thought we could go for a walk after lunch – maybe take the twins down to the lake. Helen always likes Bryan to take her on a tour of the farm on Sunday afternoons, like they used to when Albert was alive.’ Patsy sighed. ‘Honestly, Nanette, sometimes I could strangle the woman, but she does mean well, I suppose. I thought when she finally moved out, things would be better. She’d get an independent life again. Leave Bryan and me to our own devices a bit more.’ Patsy shook her head. ‘Nothing’s really changed. She’s still up here every day on some pretence or other and Sunday lunch here every week has become something of a ritual set in stone. Not sure how I’m going to deal with all the “grandmotherly” advice that is sure to be heaped on me. That’s why I need you here as an ally when junior arrives.’ Patsy glanced at her sister. ‘Any closer to deciding what you’re going to do about Vanessa’s request?’
Nanette shook her head. ‘Still mulling it over. Maybe the walk this afternoon will clear my head and I’ll be able to think straight.’ She certainly hoped so. As she’d expected, sleep had evaded her for most of last night and she’d tossed and turned for hours trying to reach a decision without success.
Helen arrived just as Patsy placed the roast in the Aga and immediately queried whether it would be cooked in time.
‘I always had the meat in the range by ten o’clock at the latest. Ready for lunch at one on the dot. Still, you young things abhor routines, don’t you? Mind you, once the baby arrives, you’ll soon change your tune.’
‘Helen, it’s lovely to see you again,’ Nanette said quickly before Patsy could respond to her mother-in-law’s criticisms. ‘How’s life in your new home?’ She couldn’t decide whether Helen’s prickly nature had got worse since she’d handed over the farmhouse to Bryan and Patsy or whether the woman had always been so… so prickly.
‘Different to what I’ve been used to, but I’m settling in nicely, thank you. Once Bryan finishes off a couple more little jobs, I’ll be really organised. Ready to devote my time to helping Patsy with the new addition.’ Helen slanted a look at Nanette. ‘How about you? Your memory completely back to normal now?’ she asked briskly. ‘I saw a picture in one of the Sunday papers recently of – oh, what’s his name? Your ex-fiancé, anyway. Had a blonde on his arm. Said something about him being newly single again and playing the field. Zachary – that’s his name.’
‘I saw that photo too,’ Nanette said quietly. ‘As for my memory, I still have no recollection of certain things people tell me happened three years ago – maybe it’s for the best,’ she added, forcing a smile in Helen’s direction. ‘Otherwise I’m fine. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll just go check on the twins.’ Leaving the kitchen, Nanette mouthed an apologetic, ‘Sorry – I’ll see you later,’ at Patsy before closing the kitchen door behind her.
After a slightly strained Iunch, Nanette, Patsy and the twins went for their planned walk down to the lake at the far end of the farm, with the twins running ahead.
‘I’m sorry Helen assumed your memory had returned to normal,’ Patsy said quietly. ‘And mentioned you-know-who. I know you find both difficult to handle.’
Nanette shook her head wearily. ‘Don’t worry. I wish my memory of that evening would return, but I’m beginning to believe it never will now. As for Zac, well, I can’t hide from news about him for ever.’ Opening a heavy farm gate so that Patsy didn’t have to climb over as the twins had done, Nanette said to her sister, ‘Actually, I think Helen’s comments have helped me make up my mind. I can’t run from the past for ever, so’ – she took a deep breath – ‘I’m going to tell Vanessa, yes, I will go to Monaco. At least Mathieu will be around if there are any problems with the twins and he’ll be a friend for me too.’
That night, though, the nightmares that had taunted Nanette for months, years, after the accident returned with a vengeance.
Nanette could feel the wind tearing at her face as she frantically skied faster and faster down the mountainside. Adrenalin flowed through her veins as she heard the noise of the avalanche behind her gathering speed, devouring everything in its way. Her lungs forced a terror-stricken scream into the air. She couldn’t die like this, she…