As the train sped through the Devonshire countryside, with the twins both playing games on their iPads, Nanette gazed unseeingly out of the window, deep in thought. One question and one question only kept running through her mind. Dare she return to a place that still haunted her dreams? Going back to Monaco would open up old wounds, remind her of what she had lost. Vanessa would surely understand if she told her there was no way she could return.
They’d met on the very first day of the Business Administration course they had both signed up for and struck up an instant and lasting friendship. They’d been through a lot since they’d known each other: job hunting, Vanessa’s marriage, the birth of the twins, the divorce from Mathieu and now her wedding to Ralph. Not to mention Nanette’s own major life trauma that Vanessa had helped her survive. Patsy was Nanette’s sister and best friend, but Vanessa had become more than a close second.
Nanette was happy with her life the way it was these days, although if she was honest with herself, she was living an easy life, a half-life in truth. She was safe and secure doing a job with people she loved but with little excitement. So different to the one she’d worked hard for when she was younger, before it had been cruelly snatched away from her three years ago.
Pierre and Olivia were nine now and soon wouldn’t need her constant presence in their lives, but mentally she’d consigned her need to decide about her future until they were older. Vanessa’s request today though had set her mind racing and her thoughts spinning out of control. Nanette sighed. She’d talk to Patsy about it. See if she thought going back was a possibility – or even a good idea.
Patsy was standing waiting for them on the platform as Nanette shepherded Pierre and Olivia off the train.
‘Hi. Everything go according to plan? Good. You look like a princess in that frock, Olivia. Did you enjoy being your mum’s bridesmaid? Of course, you did, silly question. And you, Pierre, how are you doing? You look very smart in that posh jacket. The car’s parked right outside. We should be home in fifteen minutes. I expect you’re looking forward to your supper – or did you fill up on wedding goodies?’
Simply listening to her, Nanette felt breathless. She was always amazed at the speed at which Patsy spoke and sometimes found it difficult to get a word in, let alone answer any questions.
‘It was a lovely wedding. Such a shame you couldn’t be there. Vanessa sends her love. How are you? Any news? I think you’ve put on weight since I last saw you,’ Nanette said quickly, when Patsy finally took a breath.
‘I’m fine. My news can wait until later. Talking of weight – you could do with putting on some, you’re scrawnier than ever,’ Patsy said, with sisterly bluntness. ‘I hope you are eating properly – or has organising the wedding stressed you out?’
Briefly, Nanette wondered what Patsy’s news was likely to be as she answered her sister. ‘I’m fine.’ She glanced across at her sister as the twins ran ahead to the car. ‘I need to run something past you later. Need your advice.’
Patsy gave her a quick concerned look. As they reached the car and she unlocked it, the twins clambered in and did up their seatbelts. ‘Okay.’
She was really looking forward to this weekend break. She probably was stressed, she realised. Life recently had been busier than she’d become accustomed to for the past three years and she was tired after all the excitement of planning and organising the wedding. The twins always enjoyed themselves on the occasions she looked after them on the weekends Vanessa had to travel for business and she brought them down here. They would disappear for hours at a time, exploring the woods and surrounding fields and helping Bryan around the farm, while she and Patsy did sisterly things. Fifteen minutes later, Nanette sighed happily as they turned on to the farm lane.
‘How’s Bryan’s mum? Enjoying her new home?’ Nanette asked, as they passed a pristine bungalow at the top of the farm track.
‘Think so, but you know Helen. Drove Bryan mad for the first week or two, wanting shelves put up and cupboards moved, but she’s finally got it as she wants, although the kitchen will never be right – it’s far too small! And, of course, she’ll never like living there as much as she enjoyed the farmhouse, even though she moaned for years it was too big and draughty. She’ll be joining us for lunch on Sunday as usual, so you are sure to hear all about the drawbacks of having to live in a modern bungalow.’ Patsy smiled at her sister.
Once the twins had been fed and settled in their rooms, and Bryan was in the study working on the farm accounts, together Nanette and Patsy went into the sitting room to make themselves comfortable for a sisterly chat.
‘Glass of wine to toast the happy couple?’ Nanette asked, holding out the bottle of champagne Vanessa had insisted she take.
‘A small glass,’ Patsy said. ‘I shouldn’t really, but I don’t suppose a sip will hurt junior, Aunty.’ She grinned mischievously at Nanette.
‘Oh, congratulations,’ Nanette said, jumping up to hug her sister. ‘That’s your news? I’m going to be an aunty. You and Bryan must be so thrilled. I know you both longed for a family. When’s it due?’ She quickly pushed away the tiny shaft of jealousy that pierced her heart. Her time would come, wouldn’t it?
‘Late July, early August. No definite date yet, but knowing my luck it will be right in the middle of haymaking. Can you be here? I really, really want you around. Helen is already threatening to move back to help out. Promise me you’ll tell Vanessa you need to be here. You can bring the twins.’ Patsy looked anxiously at Nanette.
‘I’ll be here,’ Nanette promised. ‘Even if Vanessa is still paddling her canoe up the Amazon.’
‘Vanessa’s going up the Amazon?’ For once, Patsy seemed speechless.
‘Yep,’ and Nanette told her sister about Ralph’s wish to make his new wife part of his film team. Patsy took it for granted that Nanette would be looking after the twins whilst Vanessa was away.
‘The three of you will all be able to come down regularly. Oh, I’m really beginning to look forward to the next few months.’
Nanette shook her head. Perfect time to tell Patsy about Vanessa’s request. ‘Afraid not, Patsy. Mathieu has agreed to have the twins to live with him in Monaco while Vanessa’s away.’ She took a sip of champagne before adding quietly, ‘The only condition is that I have to go with them.’
Patsy’s eyes widened in incredulity. ‘You’re not serious? I know it’s nearly three years ago and you’ve supposedly recovered from all the trauma, but are you sure you are strong enough mentally to face things out there? You’re bound to meet up with certain people; certain situations are going to bring back painful memories.’
Nanette nodded. She also knew how village-like the Principality was, with its own drumbeat of gossip sweeping down the well-heeled streets. ’I know. My first reaction when Vanessa mentioned it this afternoon was no, no, no.’ Nanette swirled the wine in her glass thoughtfully. ‘Vanessa’s been so good to me – I owe her so much. I’d feel as though I’d let her down if I don’t agree. I know she desperately wants to go with Ralph.’
‘I’m sure she’ll understand if you say you can’t do it though,’ Patsy said. ‘Surely Mathieu could find someone local to help look after the twins for a few hours each day after school. Doesn’t his father, what’s his name, Jean-Claude, live nearby? I’m sure he’d be delighted to have some bonding time with his grandchildren. Personally, I don’t think you need to go at all.’