A well of fear threatened to open up under Ben. He cried out, but as he stepped back, his ankle went out from under him and he ended up on the floor, scrambling to get up.
“You okay?” Marcel asked as he came through the inside door, still in his parka and winter gear.
“It’s you,” Ben said as reality settled in around him.
Marcel set his flashlight on the table and extended his hand, tugging Ben to his feet.
“What’s going on?” Ashton asked, looming out of the darkness, the dogs hurrying in after him.
“I was just checking on things over here and I think I scared Ben,” Marcel explained.
Ben wiped his eyes with his hands. “I thought I heard something and hoped it wasn’t your neighbor prowling around, trying to cause trouble.” He put his hand over his chest, willing his heart to slow down and his brain to kick into gear so he could think.
“I checked on the barns, and all the horses are fine. They’ve been fed, and I got them watered. The temperature isn’t as cold as it was last night, and the wind is settling down. It seems the storm is beginning to wane, but it’s still pretty cold and there are drifts ten feet high in places.”
“What time is it?” Ashton asked.
“Five thirty,” Marcel answered. “I’m going to head back home. Lucy promised to make me some breakfast. You two stay warm.” He smiled. “I didn’t mean to scare you,” Marcel said, and with a wave, he turned and walked out the back door.
Ben felt like a fool for being so frightened.
“Do you want some coffee?” Ashton asked.
“No, thanks.” It was still early, and a few more hours of rest would do him good.
Ashton opened the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of orange juice, poured two glasses, then passed one to Ben. “The sugar will help you feel better. You really need to keep drinking.”
Ben took the glass and drank the sweet, tangy liquid. Ashton was watching him—Ben could feel it almost like a physical touch, and it was one he wanted.
Ben put his glass in the sink before turning back to Ashton, who hadn’t moved, still standing near the table, one hand on the top to brace himself, the other holding the glass.
“What are you looking at?” Ben asked. It was nearly completely dark in the room, with only the edges of the fire glowing in the next room to allow them to see anything at all.
“You,” Ashton said and took a small step closer. “There’s something about you.”
He didn’t look away, and Ben felt that warmth once again. The room was chilled, but Ben thought he might start sweating. He swallowed, his mouth painfully dry, even though he’d just had something to drink. “There’s nothing about me.” He knew that was true. Ben had certainly been shown that often enough by teachers, foster parents, and eventually Dallas. A plaything—in the end, that was all he had been.
“Yes, there is.” Ashton came even nearer. “There’s something about you that I’m going to remember for a long time after you leave.” He lowered his gaze and drank the juice he’d poured for himself, half throwing it back like he might a shot of whiskey. He set the glass on the table without looking away.
“That’s not a good idea. You should take me into town once the storm lets up and then turn around and forget you ever saw me,” Ben told him. “Just put me out of your mind forever and forget I was ever here. I’m more trouble than I’m worth.”
Ashton blinked. “I don’t think I can do that. There’s something about you that I think is going to stay with me forever.”
Ben rolled his eyes. “What on earth could that be?” There was nothing all that damned special about him, other than the trouble that followed him wherever the hell he went. He’d hoped to be able to outrun it this time.
“I wish I could put it into words so you’d know that I’m not bullshitting you. I can’t begin to know what you’ve been through or why you’re so scared. But….” Ashton pulled out one of the chairs and slowly sat down. “As I told you before, I was an MP in the Army. I saw plenty of action and trouble in my five years, and after Baghdad, there isn’t much I can’t handle. I lived horrible things, and sometimes I relive them in my dreams. I was a soldier, even if I might not look like it anymore.” He lowered his gaze to his leg and lifted it once again. Ben instantly felt as though he might be seeing a part of Ashton that few people did. “After I left the Army, I started my own business. Eventually I returned here because my dad needed me.”
Ben couldn’t help thinking that maybe there was more to it than that—maybe Ashton needed to be here too.
“Did your dad know you liked guys?” Ben asked.
Ashton nodded. “The thing is that….” He swallowed hard, and his eyes filled with grief. Ben knew that kind of grief—it transported him back to a time when his own world had ended. He’d been twelve when his mother passed away. Now he wanted to take Ashton’s hand and tell him that it was okay, to comfort him and maybe comfort himself some too. He reached, then paused, unsure if the touch would be welcome. Finally he grew a pair and continued lightly touching Ashton’s fingers.
Slowly Ashton turned his hand, and Ben squeezed his fingers.
“My dad loved my mother with everything he had, and he always told me that when I met the right person, I’d know it… my heart would know it… just like his had.” Ashton blew out his breath, but the pain in his eyes lingered for a few seconds before he blinked it away.
Ben wasn’t sure what to do with what he’d been told, or his own muddled feelings. But he knew it would hurt if anything happened to Ashton. Ben needed to help keep him safe. “Please just be good to yourself, and once this storm is over, just let me go and forget all about me. It will be better for both of us.” Even as he said the words, he knew that forgetting Ashton wasn’t going to be all that easy either, but it was something he had to do.
Ashton drew even closer. “I’m not sure I can.” He must have thought this was some sort of game that Ben was playing, but it wasn’t.
“I’m very serious.” He took a step back, releasing Ashton’s hand, needing to put some space between them. “I’m sorry I brought my troubles here, and I’m really sorry for yours, but I was freezing when I took shelter in the barn. I should have been gone before you got out there.”
“Where were you going to go with no car?” Ashton asked. “And while we’re at it, who are you so afraid of?”
Ben shook his head. “I can’t tell you. That will only open you up to more danger. But I swear to you, I need to leave. If someone can take me to the nearest town and drop me at the bus station or whatever mode of transportation there is, I’d appreciate it. You just need to forget I was ever here.” He came closer to Ashton, looking deep into his incredible eyes. “You all have been kind to me, and I don’t want to repay that with hurt and pain. I need to disappear, for your sakes and for mine. If anyone asks, you haven’t seen me. Drop me on the outskirts of town and I’ll walk to where I need to go.”
He expected Ashton to nod and step back, even offer a flash of pity, but he didn’t expect his expression to turn as hard as stone. “You said you weren’t in trouble with the law,” Ashton snapped.