He sat in his office, surrounded by stacks of greasy seeming papers, getting an early start. It looked like the rest of the mechanics were yet to show up. He tugged at his hair like he always did when he was frustrated.
I stopped watching. It felt like invading his privacy. He was very clear all those years ago. What the fuck was I doing? I let my head fall against the rest and told myself to go back to California, face the life I’d built there. There was nothing for me here. There was nothing for me anywhere.
A knock sounded on my window and I jumped, hitting my head against the roof. Had I closed my eyes? Turning to find who'd come upon me, I expected it to be one of the town gossips looking for information but it wasn’t—it was worse—so much worse. Danny stood there half bent, peering into my window.
So I did what any coward would do, I cracked the window and muttered an apology.
He opened the door. The damn car unlocked when I put it in park. Didn’t the manufacturers know how dangerous this was for stalking purposes?
“What are you doing here?”
“I was going to talk to you, but I chickened out.” What else could I say? I was watching you, reliving all the things you’d said to me a decade and a half ago. Let’s brush it under the rug so I can be here without it being awkward.
I needed to consider why my relationships ending drove me to move to other states.
“Then get out and talk to me, but not here.” He glanced around, making sure no one was watching us, I guessed.
I relented and got out of the car, following him to his office. He pulled the shades and turned on me.
“Why are you back? Why do you have to come here like the ghost of Christmas past and fuck up everything I have?” Danny’s words cut to the bone and I was certain he meant them to.
“My coming back has nothing to do with you. Nothing at all. I am here for me.” I whisper yelled like it wouldn’t draw attention to us. What would people think if they found out the real reason I’d left?
“You couldn’t have just stayed away?” Danny wrung his hands. He still had oil under his nails and it took me back to when I’d sneak into the garage after his father left for the night.
When he’d bend me over the hood of whatever car he was working on and fuck me until I forgot my name. I dropped my gaze, choosing to look at his feet so I didn’t have to remember how he always tasted a little like unleaded.
“Will you fuckin’ look at me.”
“I can’t.” I squeezed my eyes shut so I wouldn’t. Why was I so programmed to do anything he asked me to?
You’d think after all these years I’d have a little of myself left.
“Why not?” he demanded.
“Because when I look at you, I think about you inside me.” I lifted my gaze just enough to catch his reaction. It was primal, pupils dilated, lip pulled up in a snarl. Hard body begging to be touched.
“Shit, Av. How can you say those things to me?”
I pressed my eyes closed. “They are what I’m thinking, Danny. I can’t help it when I see you. It’s how I’ve reacted to you since we were twelve years old and you kissed me the first time behind this very garage.”
He swallowed, once, twice, three times. Throat working overtime. The sound was enough to get me hard. “Why are you back here, Av?”
“It doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t have come here.” I turned to go. What I was doing here? I was making a real muck of my entire life.
“It does matter!” He grabbed my arm.
My attention went to his hand and then back to his stern face. “What do you want to hear? I didn’t come back for you. I came back because I’m divorced and I didn’t know what else to do. I limped back here with my tail between my legs, and luckily, my family doesn’t hate me. So we can go back to pretending this was ever a thing.” I pulled out of his grasp.
“Av…”
“I can’t play this game with you again. I can’t pretend one day you’ll want me.” As painful as it was to force out, I managed. “I’ll stay away from the garage and we can go back to being strangers in public just like those last few months of high school.”
I stepped around him, forcing myself not to sprint back to my car.
“Av… don’t go.”
Three
AVERY
The ‘don’t go’ quickly turned into a silent ‘can’t go’ because Danny was on me cupping my face with his massive hands, his scent doing just as good of a job of capturing me as his lips did. His mouth was on mine, rushed and fumbling, like neither of us remembered how to do this with one another. My hands were on his chest, unsure if I was going to push him off or pull him closer.
Kissing him back, my mind made up for me. There was nowhere to go. No other place I wanted to be. He curled his tongue inside my mouth, parting my lips as he shoved me into the wall. I shoved too, but only to press my body against his as I was taken into the past. Back to the last time we were like this. Engulfed in the memory, the hopes and dreams of an eighteen-year-old who thought we’d be together forever. How naive I was. Pathetically so. What was I doing? This question becoming my new mantra. Trying to fill my broken heart with pieces of the past. None of this was going to end well. I couldn’t run away again. Or move here. Ellie had a life in Cali. Even with a new school, her mother was still there.
Despite him being quite a bit bigger than I, I shoved him and succeeded in getting a few inches, enough to give my brain the much-needed oxygen to have some rational fucking thoughts.
“I can’t. We can’t.”
He nodded, panting. “Okay.”
Then he was kissing me again, or I was kissing him. It was hard to tell where my body ended and his began. We kissed until we were both out of breath—then we kissed more—staying there until my lips were chapped, and his taste was permanently infused in my mouth. I’d never get him out of there, or my head, not now that I knew he tasted like everything I’d remembered and more.
This wasn’t two boys kissing behind a garage. This was fuel and fire, and we were going to ignite.
“Danny…”
“Don’t stop kissing me, Av.” Pleading. He was pleading for me to keep kissing him and I was drunk off the words.
Or maybe I was drunk off the wanting.
Danny wanting me was all I’d ever wanted.
I kissed him, softly, and didn’t give in when he chased my lips. “I didn’t come here for this.”
“No, you came here because your life was falling apart.” He sized me up and then leaned against the other wall, giving me a few feet. “I don’t get it.”
“I don’t get it either.” I wiped my mouth on my arm, pretending it would help me get the taste out of my mouth.
“A’right. The boys are going to get here any minute.”
“Right.” His point hit home more than his rejection ever would. “I’ll see you around.” I said the words but I didn’t mean them. I hoped to avoid him the rest of the time I was here. My heart couldn’t take it.
“Sure.”
I flew out the door, getting back to my car as fast as I could. This time I remembered the door locks before banging my head against the steering wheel a few times. I stopped after six. Showing up with a bruise on my forehead with an eight-year-old in the house would lead to questions I didn’t want to answer.