Chapter One
Aspyn
Gliding down the mountain at full speed brings a smile to my face. I bask in the icy air on my cheeks and the satisfying whoosh as I pass my parents on our way down the slope. My dad calls after me, but I don’t stop.
I live for this feeling… and only one thing compares. Or really, beats this.
Me, alone in my bed, thinking about Cole. Or rather, imagining the two of us together. Like together together.
He was my first crush and my feelings for him have never faded. Even if he just thinks of me as his best friend’s little sister, I’ve always held out hope for more.
A whole lot more.
So sure, acing this black diamond is fulfilling… but it’s not the same as how it feels when I get off all by myself while I picture the man of my dreams making love to me.
“Aspyn,” Mom says as she joins me at the base of the mountain, her skis coming to a stop next to mine. The ski lodge is decorated for Christmas, which is only two days away. Ornaments and lights cover large pine trees, and holiday music floats around us. It is the best time of year, made even better by the fact that I’m here with my family. I’ve missed them.
Mom lifts her goggles and I do the same. The bright sun nearly blinds me and I lift a hand over my brows. “You killed it,” she says. “Your dedication is paying off. Honey, you could really make the team.”
I shrug, not wanting to get my hopes up, but happy she notices and is proud of me. “Thanks, Mom. Only time will tell.”
At nineteen, I know my chances of making the US Alpine Ski Team are slim. But god, I want it. I’ve been spending more and more hours with my coach than ever before. I live in Bend, Oregon, so I can practice full-time, but flew home to Montana to spend the holidays with my family. They live in Missoula, but since we all love skiing, we decided to come to this chalet in Mistletoe. It’s the perfect place for Christmas. Mom’s boss owns it and is letting us borrow it, which is so generous.
“Want to grab lunch at the cafe?” she asks.
“I’m starving, but should we wait for Douggie?” My brother is set to arrive today from Missoula, where he attends college at the same place my dad teaches.
“He texted Dad. He and Cole are running late and won’t be here until dinner.”
Heat rushes to my core at the mere mention of him. “Wait, what? Cole is coming?”
“Didn’t I tell you? His parents are still in Spain, so he’s joining us. Won’t that be nice? It’s been forever since you’ve seen him.”
I swallow, my throat gone dry. “It’s been three years,” I say. With my competitive ski schedule, I’ve missed out on a lot of family events, and whenever Cole has seen my parents, I haven’t been there. Mom sends me photos of their time together, of course, and I stalk him on social media. But it’s been a long time since I’ve seen the guy I’ve been in love with since I was a kid.
Since he has seen me. Three years to be exact. But who’s counting?
Nerves wash over me at a terrifying speed. “I think I’m gonna go back to my room,” I say. “I’m actually pretty tired.”
Mom frowns. “I thought we were going to do a few runs after lunch?”
I bite my bottom lip. “You go find Dad for lunch and have a fun afternoon together. When do you two get to relax like this?”
Mom squeezes my hand. She works as an ER nurse and dad is a professor. They both spend their lives helping other people, and I know for a fact they’ve devoted all their extra resources to my career. They deserve an afternoon together.
“Okay, you sure you don’t want company?”
I nod. “I promise. It’s been a long month. I haven’t had a day off in who knows how long.”
“If you’re sure.”
“I am,” I say with a laugh, but appreciating how considerate she is being.
She’s giddy as she pulls out her phone, calling my dad. “Hey honey, wanna be my date this afternoon?”
I smile as I ski away, toward the chalet that is on the base of the mountain. My parents have taught me the meaning of true love, and it makes me want what they have. And I know who I want that with.
When I get to our place, I unclip myself from the skis and head inside, unzipping my jacket and walking straight toward the bathroom in my room on the lower floor. There are three rooms down here, which means Douggie and Cole can stay down here too, letting my parents have the master suite upstairs.
I immediately turn the shower to scalding. I may be hungry, but my body is craving something else.
A release.
I rummage in my toiletries bag for my favorite water vibe. It’s bright purple with ridges that touch me in all the right ways when I put it on the highest setting. Then I step into the shower, turning on my battery-operated toy.
As the hot water runs over me, I close my eyes, thinking of Cole.
Dreaming of finally getting my one and only Christmas wish: him.
Chapter Two
Cole
It was a last-minute decision. I was planing on heading to Spain to see my parents, but then Douglas told me his sister was coming to Mistletoe and I changed my plans.
I had to.
Aspyn’s crazy schedule has meant three years of not seeing her. And since my parents teach overseas, every holiday I’ve gone to see them in whatever country they happen to be living in. It’s given me the chance to see the world every school break, but it has also meant I’m never around when Aspyn is.
And I need to know. To know if there’s a chance on earth she might feel the same way as I do.
“You sure your parents are okay with my crashing your family Christmas?” I ask Douglas. I love his parents, Janet and Tom, but I don’t want to overstep.
“Oh, for sure. I think they love you more than me.”
I chuckle, looking at my phone as Douglas drives. We’re a few hours from Mistletoe and I can’t stop thinking about Aspyn. I pull up her Instagram and see a new post. She’s on the mountain with her parents, her blue eyes so beautifully bright, her blonde hair loose around her shoulders and a pink beanie on her head. She’s captioned the image: “Christmas with the family, doesn’t get better than this!”
I love that about her, how much she cherishes her parents. They’ve sacrificed a lot for her over the years, but she seems aware of that, never acting entitled, always finding side gigs to help out financially where she can. Family means everything to her.
It’s just one of the reasons I love her.
“What are you looking at?” Douglas asks, glancing over. “Oh, that Aspyn? Man, I’m jealous. I wish we were already on the Mountain.”
“Soon enough, bro.” I close the app, and shove the phone in my bag. “So, is Aspyn dating anyone these days?”
Douglas shakes his head. “Not that I know of. She doesn’t have time. I guess she’s trying to make the US Alpine Team, and Dad says she has a shot. Besides, I don’t think there’s a guy on earth good enough for her.”
“What do you mean, not good enough?” I ask, trying to sound nonchalant. I’ve never discussed my feelings for Aspyn with Douglas. I almost did, one summer at the lake, but I couldn’t. I knew the timing wasn’t right. And I’ve figured, why broach a topic that’s been so out of reach? But she’s nineteen now… and I’ll be done with college at the end of winter semester. Things are changing.