Home > My Second Chance : An Age Gap Romance(7)

My Second Chance : An Age Gap Romance(7)
Author: Matilda Martel

“You said you loved me. You said you waited for me. What did that mean? Why did you say that?” His wounded expression shocks me.

What the hell does this man want? Does he want me to pine over him?

There’s been enough of that, thank you very much. I know I’ll never get over him. I know I’ll carry this forever. Why does he want me to suffer his loss?

Move along, jackass. I’m not here to stroke your ego.

“You must have heard wrong. I never said those things. Go home.” I slam the door so hard the tiny brass anchor hanging over the frame falls on his head.

Good. I hope it left a mark.

 

 

Nine

 

 

Calvin

 

 

I should leave. Reason dictates a swift departure, and I like to think I’m a logical person. Nothing good will come from staying.

Frankly, I don’t trust my strength.

I’ve never felt anything like what I felt last night, and my resolve grows weaker by the minute. If I stay, I might run into her. And if I run into her, I may say or do something foolish.

She deserves better. She deserves a man her own age just starting out in life. I’m too old. I’ve got too much baggage for such a sweet, innocent... girl.

Innocent. The word lingers in my mind. Thoughts swirl and dive into a dark place. She said she’s always loved me. She said she waited for me. What exactly does that mean?

I’m a sick man.

Her possible virginity does nothing to frighten me away. It just makes things worse. My need grows stronger. My thoughts grow filthier. If she saved herself for me, who am I to turn her away? Her innocence belongs to me. Every inch of that girl could belong to me.

You don’t turn away a gift like that. It’s thankless.

Why am I so hard on myself? I’ve been with one woman. I’ve been celibate for over a decade. For fuck’s sake, I’m practically a virgin myself.

No, I can’t do this. Thinking about it makes me want to give in and I can’t. How could I possibly show my face at Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner with my daughter’s best friend on my arm? She’s young. She’ll want children. I’ll want them with her. How would it look if beautiful, innocent Tessa, half my age, is pregnant with my baby? Everyone will know I’ve spent weeks plowing that fertile field night and day like the lecherous fiend I’ve become just to ensure the entire island of Manhattan knows that gorgeous girl is marked for my seedy desires.

Goddamn, that wasn’t supposed to get me hard.

I swear, I’ve tried to be a good man. I stayed up half the night practicing speeches and words of consolation that seemed patronizing at best. None of them feel right. It’s not what I want to say. It’s not what I need to do. I’ve waited forever to feel half of what I’m feeling right now, and if I throw it away, I’ll never get a second chance.

I won’t deserve it.

Maybe this is a test. After all, I’ve bitched and moaned for years. I railed into the wind and cursed my lot in life, longing for a day I never truly believed would come. Not everyone gets to fall in love. I know that. I made my peace with that long ago, always secretly hoping I was wrong. And maybe I am. Maybe this is my chance. I think it is. Tessa could be my second chance to fall in love.

Fuck, yes. This is my chance.

I get to fall in love. Someone beautiful and wondrous loves me. She says she’s always loved me.

Damn it, she took that part back.

That had to be a lie. She wanted to put me in my place. I can’t blame her. She had every right to treat me with indifference. I minimized her feelings. She gave me an incredible gift, and I refused it, citing nothing more than my daughter’s discomfort as a reason to break her heart.

Tessa wasn’t my patient. She’s not underage. I knew her for a short while years ago and we were never close. This is hardly taboo. It’s weird for Olivia, but I think she’d want me to be happy.

We’ll talk. I’ll apologize, and we’ll talk about last night. She caught me off guard. It’s not a bad thing that I couldn’t remember her. She was fifteen years old the last time I saw her. I had no business giving her a second glance. And I didn’t.

Grown-up Tessa Franco is an incomparable woman. A woman like her comes around once in a lifetime. What kind of fool would I be to walk away?

Things were said in the heat of passion, but nothing is irreparable. We both said things we didn’t mean. Maybe. I know I did. But what if she didn’t? What if I was just a schoolgirl crush, she’s now gotten out of her system?

There’s no sense in driving myself crazy. I need to see her. Really see her. Snooping into her bedroom window at 5:00am doesn’t count. I don’t know what possessed me to go at that hour. But I couldn’t sleep, and I needed to be near her.

Thankfully, she didn’t see me. After forty-five minutes of watching her sleep, I came home, cried into my oatmeal, talked myself off the ledge, swore her off, then spent the rest of the morning jerking off to memories from last night.

Two days ago, I didn’t think I could be more pathetic.

I was wrong.

 

 

Ten

 

 

Tessa

 

 

“So, he was just standing there?” Alex stares in amazement as he sips his cappuccino. He wasn’t thrilled leaving his hot boyfriend in Sag Harbor, but the peeping Tom story made him fly out of bed and join me for breakfast. “To what end?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. You’re a man. What do men do?”

“Do you think he was beating the salami?” He smirks.

“Salami? Heavens.” A delicious image appears in my mind.

“And why didn’t you call the cops?” He points his fork in my direction.

“Why would I call the cops? The man was staring at me while I slept. This is progress. There’s no freaking way you would have called the cops if Professor Gonzalez was peeping through your window.” I wave a half-eaten croissant at him.

He gasps, then chuckles. “Number one, Oliver Gonzalez isn’t gay. But if he magically converted and peeped through my bedroom window, I wouldn’t just lie there like a pot roast and not give him the best goddamn show of his life. Why the hell didn’t you walk around naked? You could have stripped under the covers and strutted casually to the restroom. Maybe even throw in a few stretches. Where’s your creativity? Don’t you have any pride in your work? You’ve been planning this seduction for weeks.” He butters a piece of bread while he chides.

I shrink in my seat. “I don’t want to give it all away for free. He’s done nothing to deserve a peep show. It’s supposed to be special. You know what they say about the cow and the milk.”

He narrows his eyes. “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Is that the ridiculous phrase you’re referring to?”

I nod and reach for my water.

“You’re such a virgin. So, you give away a little free milk. Big deal. You know what else comes from cows?”

My eyes grow wide. “What?”

“Cheese. Butter. Yogurt. Gelato. Cream, Tess. Lots and lots of cream. You give him a little taste of milk and you bet your sweet tits he’ll be back for the cream.” He smiles and stabs his fork into my quiche.

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