“He is,” I agreed, hoping she’d continue.
“Anyway, I couldn’t have friends come over because our apartment was tiny and not in the greatest of areas. I’d hardly see my mother because she was working so much, and on late nights, she’d cry when she didn’t think I saw. Probably out of exhaustion.” She sighed before she darted her eyes around the room.
“So, I always pretended I was happy and that I didn’t care that no one invited me over to play, or that other kids would come to school on Monday blabbing all about the great things they did over the weekend that we couldn’t afford.”
She put down the pen she was fiddling with. “Books, writing, and comics were my escape. My way of doing everything I wanted to do but couldn’t in real life. I grew up with a lot of love. Please don’t feel sorry for me or anything. In fact, both sides of my family can sometimes drive me a little crazy trying to make up for what I missed out on back then.”
I laughed at her exaggerated eye roll.
“But I suppose that stuck with me. I still like escaping to fictional places or creating my own.” A shy smile crossed her lips. “Probably sounds ridiculous for me to say. Guys usually think I’m weird once I admit my comic book addiction.”
“You’re absolutely not weird.” Her eyes found mine, and I yearned to pull her into my arms and tell her how amazing she really was, but I couldn’t. This was as far as we could go, and even this was too close.
She shook her head with a chuckle. “I’m sure even Howie at Comic Cave thinks I’m strange when he sells me my regular haul.”
“First of all,” I began, allowing myself to get just a centimeter closer. “I’ve known Howie for a long time. If anything, he’s confused that a beautiful girl loves comics so much. You aren’t his usual customer.”
It wasn’t until her cheeks flushed red that I realized what I’d said.
“Thank you,” she whispered as my eyes fell to her mouth. It was early Saturday morning, and we were all alone, and if I tasted those lips just once, no one would see or know. But it would be all kinds of wrong, and I couldn’t do that to either one of us. I knew the second I met her she’d make me want things I couldn’t have, but I still couldn’t stay away.
“I didn’t think anyone would be here this early.”
Both of our heads whipped towards Josh’s voice as if we were caught in the act. I was sitting at her desk, my chair next to hers, and her father’s scrutinizing stare as he looked between us made me uneasy. I stood and moved the chair back to the front of her desk.
“Anthony and I were just chatting before I caught up on billing,” she told her father while discreetly closing my sketchbook and sliding it to me. “It’s not like I could sleep anyway with DeDe and Bruce up so damn early, so I thought I may as well come in.” She smiled and went back to her computer screen.
“I came in to get a head start on the orders for today that were backed up from when we were closed for Thanksgiving,” I rambled before throwing my coffee cup into the trash can next to her desk, giving Josh what I hoped was an innocent smile before heading into the garage.
“Thanks, Anthony. We get a little more backed up every day, which isn’t a bad thing as long as we finish on time.” I studied him for a reaction, but Josh was unreadable. He knew my background and hadn’t hesitated to hire me, but letting an ex-felon get close to his daughter was something completely different.
I wasn’t insulted if he was against it. In fact, I didn’t blame him at all. Although her past was tougher than I’d originally thought, Victoria had a bright future that she didn’t need tainted by me. Maybe these little brainstorming sessions needed to stop. They weren’t good for anyone involved.
When Josh stepped into his office, I craned my head toward Victoria. I couldn’t help returning her sneaky smile before heading to the garage.
I couldn’t help a lot of things when it came to this girl, and it was a huge flashing danger sign.
I steered clear of Victoria and tried to lose myself in work for the rest of the day. My mother called the second I walked through my apartment door, still harping on when she could come visit.
“Ma, I don’t want you to do that,” I said, shaking my head as if she could see me over the phone. We’d tried FaceTime on a few calls since I’d been home, but she couldn’t work the camera angle. “Flights to New York this time of year are expensive.”
“It’s Christmas, and I hate that I haven’t seen you, yet.”
I clenched my eyes shut when her voice cracked. Of all the people I’d hurt that day, she’d suffered the most. When I’d gotten arrested, she’d held her head high and said she was too focused on me to worry about opinions that didn’t matter. I hated the thought of her alone, walking down the street with whispers trailing behind her.
A few months into my sentence, she’d traveled to Puerto Rico to take care of my grandmother after a stroke and had ended up having to stay indefinitely. I’d missed her visits, but I hoped getting away from the bad memories gave her some peace. Neither of us expected my time served to be cut in half, but Titi Sofia had given me a place to stay after I was released until I’d saved up enough to get a tiny place of my own.
My grandmother needed care around the clock, and Mom couldn’t afford both a plane ticket and someone to watch her while she was away. I heard tears of frustration in her voice at the end of every call, and it broke me a little each time.
“Maybe in the New Year, I can make it down there. I’ll talk to Gary, but Puerto Rico is technically in the U.S. so a short trip shouldn’t be a problem. I’ll look into it, I promise.”
“Please don’t work yourself too hard. Mari said you’re still working at Rory’s tattoo place and the motorcycle shop.”
“There’s an art program I’m looking into. I may be able to swing some night classes, I’m not sure. Either way, I still need both jobs. Mari worries too much.”
“Your cousin loves you. We all do. Baby, it’s okay to try to enjoy your life sometimes now that you have it back.”
But I shouldn’t have lost it in the first place.
I thought of what Victoria said about her mother working so much for the little they had. My mother had worked her fingers to the bone for us, too. While she was out working multiple jobs, she wouldn’t let me work because she wanted me to focus on school. Instead, I focused on hanging out with my friends and sneaking girls in when she had night shifts.
I didn’t realize the sacrifices she’d made back then, I just wanted what my friends had. The allure of new sneakers and hot video games clouded my non-existent judgment, and I believed my cousin Mario when he’d sworn no one would get hurt. My seventeen-year-old stupid ass never figured out how I would have explained the extra money I was supposed to get, but I tried for it anyway.
Tried and failed in every sense of the word.
“Please tell me you’ve done more than just work,” she pleaded as she always did.
“That’s all I have time for now, Ma,” I said.
“Hmm…there’s a girl isn’t there?”
I groaned. “Did you hear what I just said? I don’t have time, and I don’t have much to offer anyone.”