“We’d only be fighting a losing battle, Carrick. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but there is nothing we can do here. I won’t lie to you and give you false hope.”
I hated hearing those words come from my mouth. I help everyone. I never say there’s nothing we can do, but here I am, defeated.
“Then we go to Iraq,” Carrick blurts out.
“You’re not serious? That’s not an option, buddy. We wouldn’t even survive an hour.”
“Damn right I’m serious, Clay. I’ll do anything for my sister. I thought you would too.”
I close my eyes and take in a deep breath. I will do anything for Shay. I told her many times that I’d walk over hot coals for her. Yet, when it comes down to the crunch, I’m giving up.
“Clay, we need to get her back to base. We’re losing her,” Shay shouts over the chopper’s engine.
I take the limp child from Shay’s arms and run over to the helicopter. I lie her down on the stretcher and we all pile into the aircraft. I watch Shay working, hooking the child up to machines and fluids. She’s a great medic. One of the best I’ve ever come across. If my life was on the line, she would be the one I’d want fighting to save me.
“I didn’t think we would get out of that raid today.” She shakes her head. “They told me no help would get through to us.”
When the call came in to base that Shay had gotten into trouble while out collecting supplies, I knew I was coming for her. I knew I’d do anything to keep her safe.
“I’ll always come for you, short stuff.” I squeeze her shoulder and sit on my heels. “Can I do anything to help?”
“We’ll lose her if we don’t get her back for surgery. She’s bleeding internally.”
“We’re ten minutes out. There’s a full team on standby. Don’t worry, we’ll save her.”
“My hero.” Shay leans forward and kisses my cheek.
I’ll always be her hero.
I open my eyes and Carrick is leaning over the breakfast bar, trying to get my attention.
“What happened? You spaced out on me.”
I feel my cheek where Shay kissed me in my memory. It’s only a memory I have, but it’s weird, because whenever I think about her, it feels real. It feels like she’s here with me, and the pain of not having her here is too much.
“I was her hero and I let her down.” I stand up and bang the bottle down on the work surface. “But what you’re asking is not even possible. We cannot go to Iraq.” I turn and face Carrick. “We won’t even get into the country.”
I hold on to the worktop to keep myself standing. To stop me from losing my shit. I need to keep my hands occupied, because right now, I feel like punching the fuck out of something.
“Well, let me hear your suggestion, Clay. I’m all in. I’ll do whatever it takes to get my parents the closure they need. You must have some ideas.”
I sigh. I’m a sucker for a damsel in distress. I want to help, and it’s even harder because Shay is mine. She always was mine. Shay’s family is my family. I feel terrible that I haven’t visited her parents, but it’s just too hard. I’ve spoken with them on the phone, sent many emails back and forth, and I’ll offer them any financial support they ever need. I’ll be there for them… anytime. The only thing Shay and I didn’t do was make it official and get married, but that doesn’t stop me feeling responsible for her family.
I sigh. “Let me make some calls in the morning. I’m not promising anything, but I’ll see what I can do.”
“Thank you. I appreciate your help, Clay. I really do. I just can’t let this go until I know for sure. I know I’m being impulsive and irrational, but I just can’t help it. You know what I mean?”
I nod. I know what he means because the unknown is the worst part of this whole ordeal. Its soul-destroying. “Don’t thank me yet, I haven’t done anything. Let’s just see what tomorrow brings.”
“Okay. That’s all I can ask of you, bud.” Carrick takes a large drink from his bottle. “Do you know of any decent hotels I can stay in tonight? I don’t want to face the two-hour drive back to my parents’ tonight.”
“I do happen to know of somewhere. It’s not a hotel, but it’s clean and very local. You won’t have to travel far, and you can stay as long as you need.” I push off the worktop. “My spare bedroom is all yours for as long as you need it.”
“Really? You don’t mind?”
“Nah, I can use the company. Come on. I’ll show you where it is.”
Walking through my house, I feel like the weight of the universe is on my shoulders… again. I know I need to do something to try and get answers about Shay and her commander, Josh, but I’m out of my depth. Working in the army is one thing, but trying to get the army to do something they don’t want to do is another. It’s all about money and politics nowadays. They don’t care how many soldiers are out there missing in action.
Only time will tell if I have what it takes to do anything to help Carrick. I just wish everyone didn’t have such high hopes about my abilities. I’m only human. I wish I didn’t have a heart of gold, because then it wouldn’t be so difficult to say no.
Chapter 4
6 months earlier
Shay
I wake up, blinking rapidly, trying to clear the fog that looms over me. I can remember the forest incident, following those guys, seeing the compound we were brought to, but nothing after that. I try to sit up, but my whole body feels heavy. I don’t feel that excruciating pain, but right now, that isn’t very reassuring. Anything could have happened to me in the time I’ve been out of it.
“Hi, sleepyhead.”
I look over to where the voice is coming from and see Keir. He’s sitting at a desk, writing on some file. I try to clear my throat and sit up, but none of that is possible. I feel like my body isn’t my own. Every limb is protesting.
“Where am I?” I ask croakily. “Where’s Josh?”
“You’re in the medical wing. I’ve been looking after you. Josh is around. He didn’t need much medical care when we arrived here. Not like you.”
“Not like me. What did you do? And don’t bullshit me, I’m a trauma medic, if I haven’t already told you.”
He nods, stands, and walks away from the desk. “You have told me, several times.” He smiles warmly at me. “Your legs were pretty badly burned by the explosion. I’ve managed to remove a lot of the dead tissue, which will allow new tissue to grow and heal. I already see a difference. Maybe, in time, a proper plastic surgeon will be able to help. I did what I could to save your life, Shay.”
Without even blinking, I feel tears roll down my cheeks. I’m going to be disfigured for the rest of my life. This is all my own fault for staying in the army. I should have gone home when my time was served. Now who’s the fucking hero? What do I have to show for my heroics? Disfigurement, no boyfriend, and nothing to fall back on.
I clear my throat. “And Josh?”
“He has a few cracked ribs. I bandaged him up and gave him some breathing exercises to do. He’s lucky his ribs didn’t break and puncture his lungs while carrying you around.”