Home > Shawland Security : Book 2(5)

Shawland Security : Book 2(5)
Author: KM Lowe

“Okay, what’s going on with you and Chris? He looks like death as well,” says Caleb as he enters my office and sits down.

It’s only when I look up that I see Caleb cradling his daughter. She’s wide awake, taking in everything around her. For a newborn baby, she’s so alert this morning. More than can be said for her uncle.

“What’s going on? Why are you here with the baby? Where’s Aria?” I fire at Caleb.

It will take us all a long time before we relax where Aria is concerned. The motherfucker that kidnapped her and knocked her up is behind bars, but I don’t trust anyone anymore, especially where her health and happiness are concerned. She will always be precious cargo… to all of us.

“We’re letting Mommy get some well-needed sleep, aren’t we, princess?” Caleb smiles brightly at the baby in his arm. “This little Miss thought it would be good to be awake most of the night. So, I brought her out for some fresh air.”

“I wish I looked so alert after being awake all night.”

“You and me both, bro. So, stop stalling and tell me why you and Chris look like death warmed up. You, I get it. I’ve seen enough of your hungover ass over the years, but this isn’t like Chris. Start talking.”

I want to laugh at my brother acting like my father, but I’m too delicate this morning. Caleb has grown up so much in just a year, I almost don’t recognize him. It’s amazing what a woman and a baby can do to you. It suits him though. This is exactly where his life is meant to be. Me, on the other hand, I can’t help but feel a tad jealous. I want everything he has. I would have laughed in the face of any man years ago if they said I would want the wife and kids lifestyle, but we all change. Life changes us.

“It’s all my fault. I needed to let off steam, and Chris agreed to come with me. I guess we got a little carried away with the tequila shots. I think my depressive state drove him to it. Blame me.” I hold up my hands. My shoulders are big enough to carry the blame. I won’t lose any sleep over another lecture from Caleb.

Caleb studies me closely and tilts his head. “Do you want to talk about anything?”

I shake my head. “I’m good. Well, I will be when I get some greasy fast food inside me. When I’m ready to talk, I’ll let you know.”

Caleb and I stare each other out. It’s his brotherly way of knowing if I’m telling the truth or not. And, as fucked up as I feel, I will speak to my brother when I’m ready.

“Okay, if you’ve got it all covered here, I’m going to get my daughter home.”

I salute my brother and watch him carefully walk out of my office. Of course, he doesn’t get very far before everyone stops him for a peek at the baby. I don’t know what it is about a newborn that makes people go gaga; women’s ovaries combust, and men get broody.

I wish I could flick a switch and have everything I’ve ever wanted right in front of me. I wish I was going home to Shay cooking dinner, bathing the kids, and settling down with a glass of wine before bed. I have it all figured out in my head. But I can’t turn back the clock. I can’t live in the past. I’ve got to find my happy place now, even if I don’t know what that is. I’m tired of feeling insecure and unhinged.

***

I walk into my house after a long as fuck day. We’re quiet on the job front, which means my brothers and I can relax and watch our employees pull their weight sometimes.

Caleb was with Aria and Sharlynn all day, and Chris was putting together a new fitness program for all our employees. They were both in their happy bubbles. I sat back and let the hours tick by. I guess that’s one perk of being the boss. I was able to wallow in self-pity at my hangover. I still feel delicate tonight. I must be getting old because hangovers now last all day. Alcohol is the devil in disguise, but it doesn’t stop me from drowning my sorrows when the going gets tough, and it’s been tough for a long time. I feel like I left one warzone and entered another at home. Only, it’s personal at home. It fucks with your head more.

The alarm buzzes for the front gate, and I quickly pull up the camera footage on my cell. Sometimes, like tonight, this security system has its uses; I don’t even need to leave my house to answer the damn call. Using energy I don’t need to use would only piss me off further, and by the time I got to the gate, the visitor would face my wrath, no matter who it was.

“Hello.” I speak through the intercom.

“Clay? It’s Carrick. Do you have a minute?”

Carrick. Shay’s brother is sitting at my gate. I pull myself together and look at the vehicle sitting there. This was the best security that Caleb installed at the compound. It lets us live in an environment that’s safe, not just for us, but for every one of our clients that walk through our gates. It’s just a pity we can’t keep our loved ones safe on the outside. The world we live in now is evil. Pure evil.

“Come on in, bud.” I sigh and buzz him in.

This is the last thing I want to do tonight, but if I can’t help myself with my own grief, the least I can do is help someone else with theirs.

I open my front door just as Carrick’s car pulls up. I lean against the door frame and fold my arms across my chest. I brace myself for what tonight is about to bring. I don’t think I can deal with any more bad news. I’ve had more than my fair share lately.

“Hey, man. Thanks for seeing me at such short notice.” He walks up my steps and holds his hand out to me.

I accept his hand and pat his back. “My door is always open. Come on in.”

I walk through to my kitchen and grab two bottles of beer from my fridge. Beer is probably the last thing my stomach wants tonight, but I think I’m going to need it after what Carrick tells me he wants.

I hand a bottle to Carrick and sit down at the breakfast bar. He remains standing, and it’s only now that I’m seeing how tired and rundown he looks. Granted, I haven’t seen him in such a long time, but he was always primed and looking well. Shay used to tease him that he was model material. I can’t say that tonight. He looks like he hasn’t slept in months. The disheveled look doesn’t suit him. Shay would hate to see him wasting away. She would hate to see any of us moping around the place. She would be the first to tell us all to get a grip if she was here.

“Give your heads a shake, guys.” I can hear her saying it.

“So, what brings you out here tonight?” I take a sip of the beer and start picking off the label. Even the smell and slight taste are turning my stomach.

“I need to find her, Clay, and I think you’re the only one who can, or rather, will help me.”

Find her. She’s been missing for months.

“You do realize what you’re saying, right? I want to find her as much as you do, but I honestly don’t know what we could do. The army did all they can. There is nothing a normal civilian can do, not out there in Iraq. It’s a warzone, man. And I am only a normal civilian now.”

“She’s not dead, Clay. I know I sound like a grieving brother, but I can feel it in here.” He thumps his chest, agitated. “She’s not dead. I’d know if she was.”

I don’t want to agree with him, yet I have this strange feeling tangled up in my gut that Shay is alive too. But when you hear the same thing so many times, you doubt your own thoughts and feelings. I’m done with the army. I have no contacts left I can reach out to. There’s nothing I can do. If they haven’t found Shay, dead or alive, we have very little chance of finding her.

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